Traveler

Hello, yes, it's been a long time since I've been here. I was on the big island of Hawaii for a couple of months and now on Kauai following the call to be here. I started doing videos of my stay at Pangaia which WAS an open community for people to learn community and sustainability but it is sadly no more. Creating videos is sooo much more fun that I encourage you to go to my channel at Youtube. Just click the title of this entry(Traveler) to go there. Aloha!

Shifts and Shit

So much is going on right now...I find myself in a similar but less intense place where Brandon Bays was in her book The Journey. I have to move by the end of December, my job at Art Mart will be ending also, at least, I have no idea what is going to happen when Art Mart closes at the end of December so they can move. The owner has been less than communicative about what is going on. No one knows if they are going to have a job at the end of the year. I'm assuming that I won't be helping to move the store and I really don't want to help move the store as I will be moving myself too! And the worst...the one man I had hopes of creating a romantic relationship with went in another direction with someone else. I'm not mad about any of this, in fact, I'm pretty excited about having another opportunity to create what I want. And while I'm happy for my friend Lawrence and his new love, I'm truly bummed that I' not engaged in my own romantic relationship with the man of my dreams. To me, Lawrence is the perfect example of what I want in a man. It's just too bad he's not available and the sad part is-he was when I met him! I don't blame him for his choice and I'm glad he's happy. I'm just feeling stuck in being sad about having what I wanted slip through my fingers. I also know the more I dwell in the 'not having', the more my situation will stay the same; the more I will create the 'not having'. I manifested what I wanted in a living situation~ rent in exchange for something other than $$ although, I neglected to include what I wanted my roommate(s) to be like. And now I get to do it again but this time be more specific and include everything. I know I can do it again. It's really just re-patterning myself in a new, more productive habit. That's what I like about the Journey process~it does that-the re patterning! I have only scratched the surface of my 'shit' as they call it~yes they don't worry about being pc at the Journey Intensive...They call it like it is! lol ~and I can tell they is a lot more to let go of. I feel like I'm jumping around here...the more I try to express myself here, the more I realize how words do little to convey what is really being said. I am starting to see the holographic picture of things...different perspectives adding dimension to every situation I observe. And that's another thing I've noticed that's changing about me...I feel myself being the observer without judgment and a participant at the same time. There is a lot of chaos going on around me but I'm ok with it, even my own. I know everything is going to be ok. Some aspects of my life just suck right now and I think that the energy of this day in general is why I am so in my shit right now! lol Maybe I'm feeling everyone else too. My own perspective of 'I'm so bummed I don't have a (soul)mate' is drawing to me those people who are also in a negative perspective of their situation. I've noticed, when I feel good and have a positive outlook, I don't notice the people who are in a negative perspective, I'm not drawn to them or they go the other way. That's what I'm talking about!!! Noticing those kinds of things. It is not as easy describing my experience in words as it used to be because of all the perspectives I'm seeing. It would almost be easier to paint a picture. I have thought of that to describe some of my dreams~painting a picture. One of those things I just think of but never do... I feels shifts going on. I did a Journey process for a mutual friend of me and my housemate that was staying here for the last week. I felt her shift when she got to the heart of her source. I felt it! I knew she was there and what a relief it was for her. I don't know why I feel this depression. It's not mine for sure. I'm not depressed about anything but I do know that before I am going to manifest what I want this time, I have to do an Abundance Journey and clear away my limiting beliefs that I have surrounding abundance and prosperity and clear my cellular memory also and replace with new positive programming. We must empty our emotional bodies of all the negative baggage we've been unintentionally carrying around with us. All that stuff is coming to the surface anyway, so we might as well help it along with Journeying. This is crucial to ascension. I believe that I am going through this now in order to help others through it in the not-too-distant-future. I know the more I share about it, the more people will want to know about it. My own experience of it is ongoing and I am experiencing a noticeable shift going on in myself. I feel myself being freed of a lot of 'shit' and some of the limiting beliefs are gone with it. The old limiting beliefs have been replaced by loving, supportive beliefs about myself. That's why I'm not too bummed about having to move and find a new job. Now the task remains to pull myself together regarding a partner and get over losing the 'perfect' guy to someone else. I was thinking about this...maybe he wasn't as perfect for me as I thought and right now there is just no way to know because I have not had the opportunity to ask him what he wants. Maybe we don't want the same thing. I make that allowance to help me move past my pain. I really need a journey process around this to help me do what has not become standard for me yet and that is to allow myself to move through the experience by feeling my emotions, saying what needs to be said, forgiving, and healing the experience and the root experience that this has triggered. I know that as I do more of this work, I will not continue to slap more 'shit' onto myself by stuffing my feelings. Ok, I think I'm done although I could have expounded a lot on all of the tangents here. lol I think I need to do this as a video...

Evolution Revolution Love

This past weekend, I attended The Journey Intensive that was hosted by Skip Lackey. There is much to tell about The Journey that I haven't talked too much about here. I won't go into the whole process but basically I cleared some emotional baggage I've been carrying around with me for quite some time. The weekend was fabulous! Skip was funny and animated; his background in film and tv humorously coloring our weekend as he explained the process and other things related to our healing. I had had 2 processes already. My first one with Michelle who now works in the Journey office in Louisville and then one with a lady in California over the phone. Both issues that came up I had done previous work around so both processes I felt were subtle but I did feel shifts in my being related to the issues. I had more patience overall after the first and the second was relating to my last relationship(romantic). Before the process, I would imagine this man and he would always be angry and then after the process, he always has a smile on his face. This weekends processes were subtle also but the last couple of days I have weeped on and off most of each day. I knew this might be part of it. It's residual 'crap' coming to the surface to be released. Knowing that however, has not made it any easier to go through. Monday I had to go to work but that actually helped. I was able to keep myself busy enough to keep my thoughts off of the stuff coming up and to enjoy the music being played in the store that day and the customers coming in that I helped. I actually had almost $400 in sales! We made our sales goal so I'll be getting some more Art Mart bucks woo hoo! Free Christmas $$ gotta love it! Anyway, yesterday my housemate barked at me and fortunately for me, knowing that this was coming from a deeper place and I was just the catalyst that triggered it, I was able to allow myself to feel the hurt I felt and then let it go and forgive him. That quick. It wasn't a great start to my day and I did my best not to dwell on it. I instead went downtown to Pearl St Mall where I love to go to people watch. I walked the loop I love that starts by the Dushanbe Teahouse and follows the creek to Eben G. Fine park, under Canyon blvd. and into Settlers Park. Then I follow Pearl St. all the way down the mall and back to the bus station. I had my nano with me and listened to Deva Premal's Essence repeating 'Tumahre Darshan' over and over as it is my favorite song on that cd. That happens to be what I'm listening to right now! So, to get back to the weekend...I didn't feel too bad after Saturdays process. In fact, I felt so good that I decided to go trick or treating with my son. He was so cute as Zorro even though he was missing the two things that made Zorro, Zorro; the mask and the sword! lolololol! He's my baby and I just love him so! Sunday, we did a physical journey which is different than the emotional process but just as powerful and effective. To back up a bit, for the last couple of weeks or so, I have been waking up with this pain deep in my heal. Going to see Dr. Laura( my chiro) has helped but it kept coming back. When I pressed into the middle of my heal, I would feel this pain very deep and I would feel it when I would walk. Sunday morning, I immediately noticed that it wasn't there. My body obviously knew what issue was going to be coming up that day. During lunch that day and before we did our physical process, I went for a walk when I was done eating. I knew I was in search of something and I thought it was food even though I had already eaten. I allowed myself to be drawn to where I needed to be and I ended up at the mall in Longmont. I found the food court and noticed a massage place. I went over to the display window that they had to look at the reflexology posters they had in the window and looked at the middle of the heal. The middle of the heal is where you access the sexual organs. I thought that was interesting and wondered what might be going on there since I stopped going to see any kind doctor quite a few years ago. I went back to the conference center where the Journey Intensive was being held. During my physical journey, I went to my uterous. I had no idea why I was there but I did see a part of it that didn't look so great. I then had a memory come up of my first sexual experience. The feeling associated with it was pain. I had to laugh because we are supposed to tell our partner what the memory was that was associated with the area of our body we were in. The funny part was that this man is and probably was then, gay. Obviously, to me, that was not why I was there. The trauma wasn't associated with him being gay but instead it was the physical pain of not being ready for intercourse that I was there to heal. I went through my process and let it go and I then understood why my short sojourn had taken me to the Longmont mall. Cool huh? I love hindsight. I like it even better when I can recognize what I need to see in the moment. I'm sure I have had issues attached to that first experience. I think that is the crap that is coming up for me because I sent an email to Lawrence yesterday that could have pushed him away from me but luckily didn't(phew)! If you read a previous blog, you will find out that he is a man that I definitely want to get to know. In one night opened his heart to me that allowed mine to open to him. We just enjoyed the space of Being, together. He honored me and touched a place deep inside me where I feel my connection to him. I have yet to dedicate a blog to him about that night and I'm not sure if I will. But anyway, my point is that with all my stuff coming up, I should have known better to send an email like that. It wasn't really bad, but it did show me to be somewhat insecure about when I would see him next. After I sent it, I received a prompt reply from him to tell me no worries, that he is just being pulled in a lot of different directions right now after being gone on a trip for 3 weeks to the Grand Canyon. I did feel better to get that and to know that he hadn't forgotten about me. I just need to exercise a bit more patience. A funny thing, I didn't say anything in my email about ultimatums, but he did and I can't help but think that he must feel our connection too because is did cross my mind as I was writing my email to him that if he didn't add me as a friend on facebook soon, I would just forget about him. You have to understand here...I got him for one night and then he left on a trip and I haven't seen him since although we both expressed the desire to see each other again. It's been 3 months tomorrow that I met him and I have waited quite patiently to see him again. He also meantioned something else in his email that was in answer to, again something I only thought, my wonder if I was being ignored because of something I do or don't do. I am amazed at this man! We definitely have a connection that I can see that he must feel too to have answered two unwritten thoughts that until now, I kept to myself. I am so grateful still to have met him and I know that when I come out of this funk that I will have evolved in this revolution to(of) Love. I hope you listen to the video I added here. This Revolution has just begun! I am so glad I have found the Journey! Regardless of any of the crap I have to go through to come out whole on the other side is worth going through the process! While I was helping my partner with his process, he told me a few times that he felt I was very good at doing this~he really connected with my voice. It is my desire to help anyone who is ready to dump some emotional garbage/baggage with doing some processes for some kind of trade. You only have to be ready to face your shit and let it go. And, there is no way anyone can get hurt from doing this. Anyone could get overwhelmed and bail out and it would be OK. This isn't therapy, it's better 'cause it actually works! That's all for now. Enjoy!!: ) and make sure you scroll to the bottom to see the astromony photo and art quote for the day.

Deja Vu

I find myself in a similar place in my life as I was 5 years or so ago. Some of the same and different people in my life, the same decisions to make about my life. But this time, I am a different person; wiser, older, happier, more balanced. It was in 2004 that I started working at Art Mart, an great place to buy local art that is reasonably priced. It was also that year, just before Christmas, that I met who I thought was "my soulmate"~you know that person that you gel with, who finishes your thoughts, someone you feel a real connection with. Well, he turned out to be a predator and Art Mart had a different owner who was not the easiest person to work for. I'm not sure what happened to Charles but Art Mart is a completely different place except for RE Ann whom I worked with the 1st time! What a coincidink huh? When she told me that they would be hiring, I didn't take it seriously and then I thought that something would be better than nothing and I was feeling done being broke! It's the first job I have applied for since quitting the chiropractic gig back at the end of May. I got to enjoy the summer and do what I want and now that cold weather is here, I'm ready to work again, supporting local artists for someone who is never there at the office with people I like! Art Mart was a great place to meet interesting people and help them fulfill their desire to find a suitable gift for whomever. I got to know the store pretty well and knew where pretty much everything was. Anyway, last night was my first night back and it was so surreal! RE trained me and it was almost like I had never left. It had the feeling that I was right where I was supposed to be and that was the surreal part.

So the crossroads I find myself at are that I am still looking for that Soulmate to share my life with who is my perfect compliment and I his. Someone who inspires me to be my best and to strive for my highest potential. Someone who displays enormous integrity and loves himself. I think I already met this man but to give proper credit and honor to the experience of meeting him, that is a blog all by itself. His name is Lawrence.

The other major life decision I see before me is what is my purpose? and how do I live it? am I already living it and just don't know it? I think the answer to that is yes. I feel that the "work" I do on myself and the help I give others is part of it but not the whole thing. I feel as though when our Star brothers and sisters are able to finally show themselves to the whole world that that is then I will know the rest of my purpose.

One piece of info I would like to share is my experience with 'The Journey' process. It probably needs it's own blog as well but I would like to briefly share that I feel different~lighter if you will and more at ease after experiencing it. One of the processes I did involved revisiting my feelings regarding Charles which I had already done a lot of work around. Before the process, I could imagine Charles in front of me and I always felt resistence(fear) and he would look angry. After the process, I imanged him and he was smiling and the resistence was gone. It was a subtle feeling but it was better. I realized in the middle of the process that the work I had done around it had helped immensely but had not completely removes the button called 'Charles'. It had left me in a place of complacency that my guide, Susan, saw immediately and helped me identify so that I could complete healing it. I have included a link to The Journey website. I am going to the intensive weekend training on 10/31 and 11/1. I can't wait to go and continue to heal myself. This is empowering work that you do yourself. You notice results very quickly. Real tools, genuine healing, lasting change. That is their "motto" and it's also my experience. I half expect Charles to come walking through the door of Art Mart while I'm there to have the opportunity to clear the air and tell him my truth. If that does happen, I will most definitely write about it. Right now, I have to get ready to go to work~woohoo!

Admission

I have to admit, although I had an (excuse) for not writing for over a month, it has been difficult for me to come here and write even though I have things to share! Writing is just not my best forte. I have made some progress with myself and I manifested a FREE place to live only because that is what I truly wanted and I was honest with myself. It's not completely free, I just don't have to exchange money for this gift. I give a lot of myself to the animals that live here,(it's so nice to live with animals again!)and I help out around the house for my friend that I live with. If you don't ask, how does the universe know what you want? It doesn't! You have to have the courage to be honest about what you really want and then ask for it.

So many amazing events happened for me over my birthday and even before that. Why haven't I shared? Well, I used a LOT of excuses not to come here. There really is no good reason. Part of it is laziness. Yes, I can admit I have my foibles! LOL I love that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do and be a little lazy. Up until now, I haven't been very good at managing my time because I have so much of it not having a job and all. I know there has to be some kind of fear here also but I haven't discovered what it is. Writer's block? Maybe. I find other 'more important' things to do. Sometimes I come here and don't know what to write about or I know what I want to write and as soon as I sit down, it leaves me! Talk about frustration!

I guess my point is and it's the thought for the day, the best relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. It is the foundation for all other relationships. An important part of that is to accept and love all parts of yourself even if you don't like something. If you find something you don't like, only you can change it. That is what I have been doing for the past 25 years or so...it wasn't until the last few that I could come to accept all of my foibles and laugh at them. I love myself. I love who I have created myself to be and I love that I am Source!

On the Edge

So much has happened in the last few weeks. I attended a workshop for Inner Expansion to learn how to "heal" people from energetic attachments (souls who have passed on but not moved on)who become attached to us because of concepts and beliefs that we hold onto. Long story short, I was very disappointed with the training and had this ominous feeling that something wasn't quite right. I discussed my concerns with our facilitator and felt that he needs to do some more research on the Laws of Creation before he can teach this effectively. To back up a bit, I am only looking for ways to heal or improve myself that are EMPOWERING and can be taught to people to do on their own. I KNOW that anyone can heal from anything if given the chance. I thought that going to this workshop was going to open a door for me to help other people heal themselves but I was mistaken so now I feel like I'm back at square 1. When I told Howard that there has to be a way for people to do this on their own, he told me that no, their isn't because they would get "spooked". Well, I feel that if he really knew the Laws of Creation well enough and knew more about soul energy and the laws surrounding them that he would have figured it out. I don't agree with him and in fact, I figured out on my own, using my guidance, how to release these souls to their (angels) without inviting them into my body to communicate through me and the concepts or beliefs that attracted them there all at once! So, maybe the way he's doing it can't be done by oneself but using intent is 90% of it! It was obvious to me that he needs to focus on just teaching people about their guidance and how to communicate with it instead of his healing technique. I am not bashing him here. He's doing great things with inner expansion but I think he's just getting ahead of himself.

I left my job working for the chiropractor because 1, I was not happy doing it and 2 I felt like he was pushing me for results and 3, I got tired of his micro-managing and not saying one thing and doing something else. He'd say that he just wants more people to serve but then when someone doesn't start care with him for whatever reason, he completely shuts them out and I've seen him do it and I'm not the only one to notice this. I don't think he even realizes he does this or he's in complete denial that he does. I've had more than one person in his practice that has told me that he pushes too hard for more members and that they feel like he just wants more money. He is a great chiropractor and person with a wonderful family but it also feels as though he's really not interested in helping him clients get beyond the point where they need to see him. What he is doing is a great thing and he knows that our emotions get trapped in the body and manifest and dis-ease and subluxations but their is a better way to deal with it that people CAN practice on their own without having to see someone else for their healing. I am truly grateful to have had my spine healed from the work that he does and to have worked with him. As I gain experience in different jobs, I find myself re-evaluating what it is that I want.

After dealing with the fall-out of my "inner expansion weekend", I was talking with a new friend that coincidentally came from my connection with Howard that told me about The Journey. She gave me the book called "The Journey" written by Brandon Bays that is an account of her journey of self-discovery and healing that she discovered by accident. It was very moving and brought me to tears as I related with her personal story and triumph over emotional issues. I resonated completely with her "process" that she developed as a result of her experience and know that this is the answer to self-healing and it's so simple! It is better done with a partner but all the work is done by yourself! She has helped many people heal themselves of cancer, tumors and other "ailments". She herself had a basketball sized tumor that she was told would have to be surgically removed. She didn't agree and proceeded to heal herself with this process that she discovered. Why do I talk about this and what does it have to do with ascension? Well, part of the process of ascension for people is that we must heal our bodies and "dump" our emotional crap in order to raise our frequencies to ascend. Dis-ease is a lower frequency and keeps people in a lower frequency. The emotional garbage we hang onto is the cause of it. So, simple, get rid of the garbage, heal the body! This process is only for people who are ready to face their emotional "stuff" and truly heal. It's perfect for anyone consciously on the ascension path. Not everyone will be ready for this. It is intense work and not to be taken lightly. Please check out the website I have linked with this post. If you decide to register, please let them know you heard of it from me. Thanks. There is a workshop coming up in Longmont on the 31st of October and 1st of November. I plan on being there but also doing some sessions before then. I know this is what I've been looking for and is the key to my healing. And I'm ready to feel what I've been not allowing myself to feel for too long and ready to leap of the edge into the abyss to experience who I really am. As soon as I have my first experience with it, I'll write about it here. It's not done in one "process" and everyone had different "stuff" to process. I am ready to get rid of it all. I discovered with the meeting of a new friend, that my heart isn't as open as I thought and I have a lot of "stuff" I need to get rid of. I feel a deep connection to this person and I want to cultivate this new love I feel to the fullest and in order to do that I need to dump a lot of emotional garbage. I will keep you posted on what happens ; )

Hiatus

I will not be posting anything for an unknown amount of time. I do not have internet at my home at the moment and don't know when I will. I see you when I get back unless I get a wild hair to do some blogging at the library.