One of the 144,000

I have hesitated to tell people about a particular experience that I had back in April of 2013 because of the feedback that I thought I might get but I think it's time to reveal it because it may help other people who have had similar experiences, to understand how significant the time we are in RIGHT NOW really is and to explain why I think I'm one of the 144,000.

I'm not going to go into any great depth about the 144,000 because I already have a blog entry about it.  Basically, they are the people who, by choosing to live as the best version of themselves every moment, are the ones who will lead the shift in energy from living in the 3rd density to living in the 5th density.  They are the "chosen ones" by their own choosing.  It's not an ego trip; it's an honor and we've done it before.

I was on Maui and hanging out with a dear sister named Rebecca when I got given some really good liquid LSD.  As I tell you what happened, please don't discount it because it was triggered by an LSD trip!

I asked Rebecca if she wanted to share it with me and go on a "trip" together and she agreed.  We decided we'd go to this little cave that is on the beach in Kihei on the southern coast of Maui.  We got there early and a guy with a dog and a guitar was already there.  Rather than try to tell him what we were doing, we hung out and waited for him to leave.  In looking back, I realize how important this meeting was for me because it put me in the energy of my heart.  My original intention was just to have some fun with Rebecca and because this guy was attracted to me and we hit it off so well, I was in a state of bliss when he left.

We took the LSD well after dark and a little later than I had wanted and while we were waiting for it to "kick in" we hung out in the cave with our sleeping bags and chatted about random stuff.  I was lying on my stomach on my sleeping bag when all of a sudden, I felt all this energy come in through my crown chakra and it was so intense that it made me laugh and my feet were pounding on the sand back and forth from it.  I intuitively knew that this was Gaia and she was sharing her energy with me!  I felt orgasms of energy as I witnessed her "birth" as a planet.  Over the next few minutes, I had visions go through my head of her existence in linear time.  The only thing I remember from this were the dinosaurs and I think that's because I was only allowed to see what my mind could comprehend at the time.  Since then, I have learned a LOT about her history, much of which I think would have scared me and I would not have been able to handle what I was seeing.

When it got to the point where humans showed up, I started to feel the pain she was in from all the ways we have polluted and hurt her out of our ignorance.  She wasn't "blaming" but just showing/sharing with me how she felt.  I started to say out loud, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" over and over and I felt like I was apologizing on behalf of the whole of the population of Earth.  I was sobbing tears of pain, hurt and sadness for how she felt.

When she was done showing me what she wanted me to see, I felt the energy leave and I immediately got over the emotions I had been feeling.  A few minutes later, I felt it again; all this energy coming in through my crown and this time it was "Jesus".  I was laughing uncontrollably because the energy felt so good and it was so intense.   I don't remember what I was seeing but I got the distinct impression that I was being reminded of part of my purpose and a particular contract that I had accepted.  I remember seeing a crucifixion but it wasn't Jesus, it was me (Jesus wasn't the only one crucified on a "cross".)  I don't remember what I was saying but that was when Rebecca, who had just been watching all this happen to me pulled me out of the cave while she was saying, "OK, Riox, time to come out, time to come out of it!" I remember being aware of what was going on but even though Rebecca interrupted what was going on, it continued.  I dropped to my hands and knees and I remember saying, "Please, please don't make me do this again!" while I was crying and feeling fear.  I remember "hearing", "Don't worry, you won't be crucified."  I was being given an "out" of my contract because we are never "made" to do anything.  Our contracts change all the time because of circumstances and choice changes.  I pounded my fist on the sand and said, "Dammit!" in acceptance of this contract.  I stood up slowly and said, "I am the One." and I immediately felt intense energy coming in through my heart chakra.  I felt incredibly empowered by it and at the same time worried about what this meant and what the path would look like for me.

The Sun was coming up as I stood up and I was facing the Sun when I said I was the One.  I wasn't saying I was "The One" as it sounds as being the ONLY One, I was saying I was "The One" as in the Whole.  The Whole of Humanity is God and I was proclaiming being that ONE.  And not that I am God all by myself.  We are ALL GOD (gods individually) I hope that makes sense.

When that was over and I received my Heart energy, a few minutes later, it happened again.  I don't really remember how I received this energy but I do remember feeling very ancient, hunched over and very MALE.  I knew that Merlin had come to contact me.  By this time, it was obvious that Rebecca was there to be my witness because she definitely was NOT on her own trip!  This time she joined me in mine.  I don't remember the beginning of what I said but it was something about what he was there to do through me with her.  I remember calling her "My Dear" and while I was still speaking English, I was using language that I was not used to using like, art and thou.  I do remember telling her, "You know what we have to do." and she said, "yes".  She was already lying on the sand and I remember doing some kind of hand movements while I was talking to her but not using any kind of "magic words" that I remember.  At the end of this, I remember telling Rebecca that we had either started or ended a cycle and it was for all of humanity.

After it was all over, we sat for a few minutes to absorb all that had happened.  I remember standing in front of Rebecca and I suddenly realized that Rebecca and I had been friends for THOUSANDS of years!  I dropped to my knees in reverence and gratitude for her and for being there to support me while I went through this.  We are still in touch even though our lives have taken different directions.  She is going through the experience of Marriage and Motherhood as I continue on my path of enlightenment to fulfill whatever it is I came to do.

For a few days after, I felt like a zombie as I came down from the trip and my body had to readjust itself.  I stopped wearing shoes for a while and stopped eating with metal utensils and took all the metal out of my body (piercings).  I still use bamboo flatware to eat with to this day.

Here is a picture of Rebecca and I that I took right after all this happened.  You can see part of the cave in the background.

I know how all this sounds and that's why I am hesitant to share it.  I can admit there is a small part of me on an "ego trip" about this and at the same time I'm scared shitless about what I may encounter on my path that may be dangerous or present itself as an obstacle.  For the most part, I am completely humbled and honored that I have this responsibility.  I keep in mind that we never give ourselves anything we can't handle and that helps to dispel any fear that may come up.  It's also been 5 years since this happened and I believe that by the time I am to fulfill this contract, I will have sufficiently prepared myself for the part, whatever that is.  I have a vague idea and that comes from a prophetic dream I had almost 20 years ago.

I was climbing a mountain and dealing with obstacles as they came up and when I got to the top of the mountain, I saw a pool of crystal clear, calm water surrounded in natural rock in a round formation.  I dove in, went to the bottom and when I came out, I looked around and I saw a hand full of women (only women)at the top of the mountain with me but far enough away that I knew they were all on the top of their "own" mountain.  I looked up to my left and in the sky I saw a gigantic US flag rippling toward me.  I reached up to take it and felt this kind of "impish"energy; not in a negative way but like, "Oh boy! They have no idea what is coming!" as I covered my mouth with the flag and my eyes went side to side.  I interpret that as I am going to take on the USA somehow.  I have a few ideas of what that may look like but I will keep those to myself since I'm just speculating.

Pretty crazy huh?!  I know, but it really happened.  I get more excited about why I'm here as I get more information about my True Self.  I've had a soul reading, akashic records reading and other prophetic dreams that give me bits and pieces of information as well as the research I do on my own.  Right now I'm in a phase where life is just really good.  I'm creating a life I love and fulfilling dreams I've had for a long time.  My first passion is animals and I make my money dog walking and pet/house sitting.  It works out great for me because I love travel too so it's no big deal for me to pack up and live in another house for a week or two.  It gives me time to do the volunteer work I love to do and I'm about to work on getting the body I've always wanted as a volunteer trainer of the Zaaz machine.  Life is exciting, however I'm also aware through one particular relationship that I still have some work to do with my ego.  I am so grateful to be aware of it though.  At the very least I have managed to become the conscious director of my life and my thoughts even though there is at least one part of my ego that chooses to remain hidden for whatever reason.

Well, that's the end of the story.  I hope, if you're reading this and you've had your own similar experience that you have the courage to share it without worry as to how others will take it... 👌💖😇

The Lover and the Beloved

This is a story written by Meher Baba.  It's one of my favorites and I cried the first time I read it.  I like it because it is a perfect metaphor how God knows him/herself.  God is omnipresent meaning he/she is everywhere.  So God cannot see him/herself in the mirror; he/she created humans and other life so that he/she could experience who he/she is.  It also a metaphor for the creation of ego.

God is Love. And Love must love. And to love there must be a Beloved. But, since God is existence infinite and eternal there is no one for him to love but himself. And in order to love himself, he must imagine himself as the Beloved whom he, as a lover, imagines he loves.

Beloved and Lover implies separation. And separation creates longing; and longing causes search. And the wider and more intense the search, the greater the separation and the more terrible the longing.

When longing is most intense, separation is complete and the purpose of separation which was that love might experience itself as Lover and Beloved is fulfilled and union follows. And when union is attained, the Lover knows that he himself was, all along, the Beloved whom he loved and desired union with; and that all the impossible situations that he overcame were obstacles which he himself had placed in the path to himself.

To attain union is so impossibly difficult because it is impossible to become what you already are!  Union is nothing other than knowledge of oneself as the only one.  

                                                                                                                  Meher Baba

Gratitude/Appreciation relating to the LOA (Law of Attraction)

Gratitude and appreciation are at about the same level on the emotional scale.  They are what I practice every day to help keep my energy high and on the positive side.  Actually, I don't have to even try to do this.  It happens naturally as a side effect of being Happy!

I can remember when it was very hard for me to find gratitude; things to be grateful for.  I was in a very low place with myself and it used to even anger me to look at this sticker on the vent hood of my stove in the kitchen that said, "attitude of gratitude brings miracles".  It was put there by the previous tenant and I left it because I did like it.  That was over 10 years ago right before I decided to go to Hawai'i.

When I talk about the emotional scale, this is what I mean.  I've included this link because it shows the best example of what I'm talking about.  She also gives some other relevant and good information.  You'll notice that gratitude and appreciation are not listed.  I would put them in below contentment; at the start of the scale because just saying, "thank you" can lead to contentment and then you move up from there.

Gratitude and appreciation are at the foundation of everything "good" that we create.  You want to be in these positive emotions if you are interested in manifesting something you actually want.  Our emotions are the driving force behind our creations so you want to make sure you feel "good" while you're thinking about what you want.  You have 7 seconds to change your attitude if you do NOT feel "good".

Changing how you feel works best if you start with the lower Love vibrations on the scale because they are the bottom "steps" on the scale.  It's much harder to feel the higher vibrations much like it would be to jump from the floor to the top step of a staircase.  Start with the first step, it's easier.

Gratitude and appreciation are the easiest of the love vibrations to start with if you are feeling low because it is generally easy to find things to be grateful for.  If you're one that is on a path of self improvement, then this will be easy.  You can be grateful for the current situation; that you are getting to see a side of yourself that needs attention.

If you are not on the path of self improvement but want to feel better, appreciation is still a good start.  Start with small things like appreciating a blue sky or a pet or another loved one.  Find little things about them that you like to appreciate like the soft coat of a dog or cat.  Animals in general are a great way to help us feel better because they give us love regardless of how we're feeling unlike people.  Getting out in nature can be healing all by itself because Nature just IS and it's easier not to have any judgment about it.

Beauty as a tool to see where you are:  You know the saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?  I think this saying came about not just because we all have different definitions of what "beauty" is but also because when we are feeling low on the emotional scale, it's hard to find things as beautiful and as you move up the scale, looking at the same thing can and does look different when you feel better.  It's also like when you're "in love" and everything looks beautiful no matter what you're looking at.  Everything is "right" with the world and nothing can go wrong.  How we see things is dependent upon how we're feeling.  I'm sure everyone has had the experience of things looking different to us based on our mood.  I've had many experiences of this with people.  One minute the person in front of me can look very appealing and then they open their mouth and out comes something mean, rude or totally stupid and suddenly they don't look as good.  Basically it's my judgment of what they said that is changing MY attitude about them and that's why they look different to me.  They haven't really changed, I changed.  How we see things is based on how we feel.

The flip side of all this is judgment/complaining.  We are ALWAYS using the LOA.  If you find yourself in judgment (calling things right and wrong) and/or complaining about things, you are giving negative emotions as the driving force to your thoughts and then you will receive more to complain about.  Using ANY emotion on the negative side of the scale as the driving force with your thoughts will give you what you DON'T want.

The Universe makes no preference as to what it gives us.  That preference is up to us.  That's why is SO important to CARE about how you feel and to find things that make you feel good so that you can create what you WANT.  If you're not feeling good, then it's up to you to take charge of your feelings and not let the ego run the show.  You have to make different choices and it starts with letting go of the negative emotions.

The only purpose of negative emotions is to show us where we are on the emotional scale so that we can make the choice to feel better consciously so that we are manifesting what we want and we can be genuinely happy.

Unfortunately, people get addicted to their negative emotions because they either are addicted to their own adrenalin or they have found that they get the attention they want.  In my opinion, these people have the hardest time of changing how they feel because they have become accustomed to their negative emotions and have convinced themselves that they are "happy" when really, they're not.  They think they're happy because they are getting attention that is meeting a need.  The attention is coming from OUTSIDE instead of INSIDE and they are unable to meet the need themselves.

Remember, it's all about the experience and there really are NO mistakes even if you find yourself in a low place.  Maybe that's what you came to experience.  It's no fun but what doesn't kill you makes you STRONGER!  It's a test to ourselves to see if we're up for the challenge and we never give ourselves something we can't handle.

I've been through many "dark nights of the soul" but since learning about LOA and how to use it consciously, I have created a life I'm really happy with.  When I feel the need to change it, I have faith and trust in myself that I will create something even better!  

My thoughts on being vegetarian/vegan

Please know as you read this, I'm not advocating for one over the other.  I'm just giving my opinion based on what I know from a spiritual standpoint.  You can agree or not, I don't care one way or the other.  This is just another perspective.

It's my own personal opinion that we should all follow our own guidance as to what to eat.  That said, I've seen too many unhealthy vegetarians because they refuse to eat meat just to avoid eating an animal.  People go on some crazy diets without doing the research to see it it's right for them including going vegetarian.  I've talked with a lot of people who used to be vegetarian and went back to eating meat for health reasons.  There are some of us that NEED to eat meat; the O blood type people.  Not everyone can get away with being vegetarian.

First of all, we are predatory animals at the top of the food chain.  There is no logical reason why we should not eat meat.  I agree with the concept of honoring the spirit of the animal for giving it's life to sustain my own.  The American Indians and I'm sure other cultures practice this.  It has also been depicted in the movie, "Avatar".  I DO NOT agree with the commercial farming of animals and what it has become.  There is no honoring of the animal and many of them go through abuse and torture their whole lives.  I've seen videos filmed in secret at some of these commercial facilities.  Unfortunately, anyone who eats meat from any of these animals that lived in fear their whole lives takes on the fear of the animal.  The energy gets stuck in their bodies not to mention all the hormones and GMO food they are given.   I can see from that regard, why someone would want to quit eating meat.

Second, in nature, wild animals only prey on the sick and weak not only because they are easier prey but it works towards ensuring "survival of the fittest".  That is how we used to hunt also back when we had to.  Commercialization came about because of the change our society has gone through the automatizing of our way of life in the industrial age and the demand for meat. People do overeat meat.  You don't need meat everyday and it acidifies the body when too much red meat is ingested.  People are under the impression they need more than they really do because of the brainwashing and marketing that is done in order to support the industry.  

I'm very careful not to eat any meat from these places.  I don't even set foot in a mainstream grocery store anymore.  I don't buy meat to cook and the places I go to eat I check out ahead of time and I actually ask them where their meat comes from.  I also don't eat meat everyday.

Third and I think this is the one thing that all these vegetarians on ego trips over being vegetarian don't even think about... what makes them think that plants don't feel pain also.  Just because we don't hear them scream does not mean they don't.  The research done at Damanhur on plants will give you something to think about.  You can watch that here.  Do they honor the plant before they rip it out of the ground and stuff it in their mouth?  Or before they throw it in a pot or pan to cook?  Because people tend to think of themselves as their body, they think of the animal as the body also and they can't bear the thought of eating something they would consider naming or calling a pet.  Well, I wouldn't either because that makes them a family member but they eat dogs in China... or is it Japan? Maybe it's Korea... 😕

Anyway, the point is that they are unaware that plants have feelings and emotions that are no different than animals; they just don't express it in the same manner.  I've actually heard that the plant kingdom is more evolved than the animals.  I would tend to agree.

So to all those vegetarians who judge others for being meat eaters, you now have another perspective to ponder so you can get over your little ego trip about yourself because that's really what it is... especially if you give a meat eater shit about it.  It's an inability to accept the truth you aren't even aware of so you judge others and that only hurts YOU.  Forgive my snarkyness here. I've had some arguments with vegetarians that didn't end so well and I only wish I had had this information on the tip of my tongue at the time.

The last point I'd like to make is that people are only thinking of the bodies they are eating and not the consciousness living in it.  The two are not the same.  The Consciousness came to experience itself through the body.  We have no idea of even our own path that we came to experience much less anyone else's; even an animal.  Honor your own consciousness and all consciousness and eat what you want.💖😋

"Ascension Symptoms"

I have been going through some physical stuff for many years now that I'd like to share.  There have been a few articles written about this that is linked here.  I will also list at the bottom ones that I have experienced that are on this list (copy/paste)

I have experienced many of the symptoms listed on this website but not all of them.

For as long as I can remember, I have had what I call, "heart flutters".  It's a short lived, sometimes hard pounding that my heart goes through.  It never lasts long and it does NOT happen at regular intervals.  I've always known (intuitively) it's nothing to worry about and I have never gone to see a doctor about it.  I keep it to myself except with close family because I don't want to hear what other people have to say about it... like I need to see a doctor.😖 (where is the "eyeroll" face when you need it!) lol

For at least the last 20 years, I have been getting tones in my ear.  It's not tinnitus, it doesn't hurt and I get that they are "downloads" or "upgrades" going on.  They do NOT happen at regular intervals.

I'll hear a quiet tone that is always steady but changes in pitch each time I hear it.  It's always preceded by a pressure change in my ear like putting your ear up to a shell.  I know it's a pressure change because I can now feel it.  When it first started happening, it was like I said; putting a shell up to my ear to hear the ocean.  They don't last long and they are not outside of me.  I can put may hand over my ear and still hear it.

A few months ago, I felt my tailbone vibrating.  It only lasted a few days but it would happen at regular intervals.  It felt like a soft buzzing.

Also a few months ago now, I started getting what I thought was a rash.  My lower lumbar region started to itch; specifically the area between the 2 dimples above my butt.  I couldn't see anything.  It's not red and doesn't look any different, even though I scratch it quite a bit.  The area feels different that the rest of my skin.  It feels a little dryer and nothing I have put on it has helped it to go away.  I asked some dowsing questions about it about a month ago and I got that it's where my body is starting to change.  I have read that our bodies are going to change from Carbon 12 to Carbon 7.  You can find that blogpost here.  I suggest watching the video... it's pretty cool.

Within the last few days; Feb. 13th, I have felt a "buzzing" in my lower abdomen.  I thought at first I was feeling the wind blow or it was my phone etc but I have felt it while sitting still and when I put my hand over the spot, I don't feel it with my hand but I can still feel the sensation inside.  Have no idea what that is about.

I have known for many years that this cycle of ascension is different than all the rest before because we have the choice to take our bodies with us.  I know I made that choice and I believe that the "rash" and the vibrations I've been feeling are part of that.  It must be a gradual process or would wouldn't live through it.

I'm excited about this possibility!  I have known for many many years that this is my last incarnation on Mother Gaia and I feel very honored to be here getting "the best of the last".  I have many of those experiences!

List of my own experiences:

You just 'know' or sense that something is happening/changing. You just feel different for reasons you can't explain.  

Sudden changes in body temperatures; increased sensitivity or intolerance to heat or cold; abnormal heat and/or cold in certain body parts. 

Frequent headaches; head pressure or other unusual sensations in the crown area; warmth, tingling, pinpricks, pulsating energy.  (Mostly this happened for me after 30 day fast)

Increase in sensitivity of smell; strange smells from time to time that seem to come out of nowhere; Sinus and allergy issues.  

Changes in vision and perception; catching glimpses of shadows, mist or smoke, flashes of light, sparkles, colors and swirling forms of energy. ( this has been happening for a looong time.  I think is seeing glimpses of other entities in the 4th density)

Periods where you feel extremely cold for long periods of time or have a chill in your body, cold hands or feet; circulation issues. 

Changes in diet, appetite and eating habits; Sudden cravings for or aversions to certain foods; Unexplainable weight gain or loss. 

Sudden intolerances/allergies to certain food or other products and chemical sensitivities. 

Changes in sleep patterns; waves of extreme fatigue that come and go unexpectedly; periods of restlessness or insomnia; a need for more or less sleep than normal.

Increase in daydreaming, fantasy; flashes of insights and visions; increased creativity and imagination. 

Intense waves of heat throughout the body, hot flashes, chills or night sweats; feeling extremely hot or waves or warming energy in various chakra centers. 

Increased static electrical charge in the body; energy 'zaps', tingles, itching, pinpricks; muscle spasms or twitches that occur sporadically in certain parts of the body. 

Sporadic bursts of increased energy or inspiration; feeling hyper-active or frantic energy; panic attacks; accelerated mental energy; racing or scattered thoughts.  

Exteme sensitivity; feeling over-emotional; Episodes of crying for no apparent reason or bouts of hysterical laughter for no apparent reason. 

Periods of intense frustration, anger or rage, short-tempered or easily agitated or impatient. 

Feeling more drawn to be in nature and in more serene environments. (This has always been true)

A sudden increase in synchronicity (meaningful coincidences); seeing 11:11 or other recurring numbers often. (This happened more when I let go of fear, did my inner work etc and REALLY took charge of my life in a more pro-active, loving way)

Abrupt changes with job, friends, hobbies, interests, or living environments or strong urge to relocate. (same reason as above)

A need for more personal space and alone time; introversion. (always)

Feeling invisible, alienated or detached from from others and/or the world around you. (I've actually been invisible!)

A deep longing to go Home even though you may not know where 'home' is. (since childhood)

A sense of urgency like you are running out of time or that 'something is about to happen. 

Feeling ungrounded at times, scattered or spacey thoughts; feeling detatched or in a dream-like trance. (lol... that could have been the pot!)

Time distortions; losing track of time; a sense that time is 'speeding up' or 'slowing down' at various moments.  (all the time!)

You begin to see halos of light around people, animals and objects; distorted or blurred vision; sensitivity to bright light; more intense closed-eye visions.  (first time was when I was 15 during half-time at a basketball game I was playing)

Increased Telepathy with other people and animals; flashes of insight and increased Intuition. (I have noticed this over a long period of time.)

Feeling that you have a Divine purpose on the planet and that you are on a special 'mission'. (for a long time)

Profound feeling of love, peace, understanding and interconnectedness with All things. (only a few times)

Increased psychic awareness and sensitivity, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, and intuition. 

Bizarre or intense dreams; prophetic or precognitive dreams or dreamlike visions occuring more often. (throughout my life but not recently)

A feeling that something is 'about to happen' or something important is coming, although you don't know what or when.  (I have felt that recently with regard to "the event" coming by the end of March)


I hope this has been helpful for you to understand that what you may be experiencing is part of our rise in energy, ascension or whatever you wish to call it.  I'm going through it too!  We ALL ARE.😍

Judgment

It occurs to me that it's judgment that keeps us mired in the ego.  It took me a while to get over this but when I did, I felt much better.

Judgment is a distortion of discernment.  We need discernment while still in this density because of the polarity we still experience.  Once we leave this density and move into the next, less dense realm, I believe we will still have the need for it but it won't be distorted by the ego into judgment.  There won't be any more right/wrong, good/bad etc.  We will be beyond the need to experience duality.

If you are judging people with thoughts or words, then you are judging yourself about something.  We are taught to do this by everyone around us but especially the people we have the most contact with.  Stop judging yourself and you will automatically stop judging others.  You just won't have any interest in it.

What I have discovered is that everything that comes out of our mouth or happens (outside of us) is a direct reflection of what is going on in the conscious and unconscious mind.  Our thoughts do indeed create our reality and the now deceased Dr. Matsuru Emoto proved that with his study of how our thoughts imprint on water.  Also the symposium done in the 1950's with the "it's a particle, it's a wave" was the same thing even though science doesn't acknowledge that yet...

This is a tool you can use to "back engineer" to what thoughts created your reality.  Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes not so obvious.   The not-so-obvious stuff is what is unconscious.  We're likely to say it's "bad luck" or "it just happened" etc.  NOTHING JUST HAPPENS.  It all happened because YOU THOUGH ABOUT IT.  We don't create FOR each other either.  We can co-create but then there is usually some stumbling block of both parties accepting responsibility; blame usually comes into play and THAT'S a TOTAL waste of time!  It's not really necessary to know what thoughts created what; just that you take responsibility and make a different choice of what you do want now that you've created what you don't want.  Leave the blame and judgment out of it!

What helped me get over my own self judgment was that I found what I call "the neutral observer" which I believe everyone has.  I see it in my mind as the bridge between ego and Core Self.  If I could just observe something from a neutral perspective, I had no judgment of it; right or wrong.  First, I practiced this with simple things unrelated to myself so I could prove to myself that I could do it.  Then I practiced this with my own "stuff" while I told myself that, "I did the best I could with what I had at the time," or so and so did the best they could... I practiced telling myself that I really didn't know the truth unless I had asked questions to get to the truth and like most people, I made assumptions and believed them.  Now I ask questions instead of assuming I know which is ego.  Ego only knows what we teach it so it better be the truth! lol

It really did help to go back, using imagination, to particular events in my life that were troublesome. Events I wish had turned out differently or hadn't happened at all.  I used my imagination to make different outcomes.  I know this is not the "judgment" I started talking about but it's tied in.  It helps relieve the judgment by changing the outcome in our minds to something we like.  Since our thoughts create reality, why not change our past to something we can deal with if we couldn't deal with how it happened.  It feels good to do this also and empowers us to take control of our own mind instead of letting it control us.

I believe this is the "Mandela Effect" that is talked about on the net.  In one reality, Nelson Mandela died and in another (now) he is alive.  That's the gist of this phenomenon.  It's the thoughts that we think along with the emotion (gas) that gives life to our thoughts.  No gas, no manifestation.  Imagine of ALL of our thoughts manifested!  lol  What a pickle we'd be in.

I discovered when I eliminated the judgment of myself, not only did I have no desire to judge others, I quit gossiping; I don't even want to hear others do it!  I see everything from both sides and neutrally, I have no tolerance of judgment from others and couldn't care less how others may judge me.  I know they are just judging themselves.  We do it so we can feel better about ourselves but it doesn't really work like that.  It's a temporary "fix" at best.  I think we can actually get addicted to it because of the endorphin "high" we can get from making other people wrong so we can feel "superior".  What a fucking joke!

It feels SO much better to not have the judgment at all!  TRUE DAT!😌💖👍💪

Pot, Mary Jane, Marijuana, Reefer, Herb, Smoke...

I have extensive experience as a pot smoker.  I quit recently which I will cover at the end but let me start at the beginning...

I was seven years old and living NH.  My parents picked up this hippy hitchhiker that was going to Concord, the Capital of NH.  Ironically enough, the house we took him to was on a side street adjacent to the Capitol building.  lol I don't know how long we were there but I remember getting a "gun" from the guy we gave a ride to.  He made a circle with his thumb and index finger and put it over the bowl of the corncob pipe they were all smoking out of and blew smoke into my mouth.  I think I coughed but don't remember getting high.  I know I slept all the way home.

That was my very first experience with pot.  I've heard the first time you smoke, you don't get high because the receptors in your brain haven't been used yet so the first time is like a "primer".

Don't think bad of my parents, I don't.  I don't really know what was going through their heads but it's OK.

The next time I smoked was when I was 23.  I didn't know I was pregnant with my daughter and I took a couple of puffs and fell off one step... lmao.  Her Dad told me I'd had enough.  lol

Then it was when I met my son's father when I was 26 that I smoked again and it would be 25 years before I would quit completely.  Well... never say never and that is a trick to pacify the ego.  If you tell yourself, "you'll NEVER do fill in the blank again." be assured you will.  So I don't ever tell my self that I'll never do something, then I feel like I'm still in choice and who knows, maybe I will... lol😏

I've had varied experiences with it.  The bottom line is I quit because of a sudden revelation that I had.

For many years, I have heard/read and done my own research on our TRUE history.  What I have found is that we (our bodies) are genetically modified from indigenous beings from Earth.  We have been given DNA donated from many other ET races.  The DNA that many scientists call "junk DNA".  They have no idea what they are talking about or they have lied to us intentionally.  More likely the latter.

It suddenly dawned on me one day a couple of months ago that whomever created us put all of the receptors in our brains!  Yes, there are receptors in our brains made specifically for THC and all of the different CBD types.  It also occurred to me from the research I've done about black ops projects of the government and the research they did back in the 50's and 60's on now illegal substances like LSD etc. that it is entirely possible and probable that those receptors can be manipulated!  Not to mention that I've read that (they) are in the process of genetically modifying the plant.  Now that it's legal here, all kinds of 20 somethings have come here to grow and sell.  I liked it when my neighbor was growing and I knew where it came from.  Now, I have no idea who is growing it, what kind of energy or chemicals they are putting into it...  I've also in the recent past had experiences that I wasn't fond of.

Back in the day when I first started smoking regularly, I got pretty heavy into it and became a total "stoner"  😜lol.  I definitely over used it as an escape from the drudgery of "reality".  I would get what I called, "stupidified" after smoking too much.  I couldn't think straight and just get really goofy and talk too much or become totally withdrawn and need to get away from people.  As I got older, that started to shift when I would have experiences of "connecting the dots".  I'd get "downloads"; bits and pieces of information that would fit with what I already knew.   About a year or so before I quit, I was only using it in the evening for the most part.  I'd smoke at the end of the day and watch a movie.   Sometimes I'd use it when I'd felt anxious or needed a break from whatever was bugging me.  I felt like I was using it more consciously and it was a great help in relieving my anxiety.  Just before I quit, I was still having the "connecting the dots" experience and I was also having an experience that is hard to describe.  I didn't feel "stupidified" like in the past because I was only smoking a small amount; enough to fill the end of an eyedropper.  I'd get the "high" but my mind would feel fuzzy and I would forget small things and make what I thought were stupid mistakes.  I hated it!

So between the experience that I hated, not knowing where the stuff was coming from and the knowledge that my receptors could be manipulated, I quit.  I had been patiently waiting for the moment when I could finally let it go and this was IT!  I know because I have not missed it and I rarely think about it.  I have no more need for it for anxiety because there is no more anxiety.  Even the anxiety I felt when I was going through my stuff when I wrote "Let's Be Real" and "Rants", I never, not once thought, "OMG, I wish I had some pot!"  That is HUGE for me!  I'm really happy that it's no longer a strategy that I use!  I've only had one moment where I wished I had some and that was just to enhance the experience I had of watching, "The Shape of Water" with my friend Kenneth.  Turns out, I really didn't need it after all as we had SO MUCH fun watching the movie together without it!  And, I remember the movie.  😉

To Be or Not to Be... lol

I have to write about this... I've had dreams 2 mornings in a row about him.  Who is "him" you ask?  I wish I could tell you.  I can't because that would certainly start an uproar and I might be wrong...

Back when I was around 20-21, I was watching MTV and I saw this guy in a video and the moment I saw him, I had a tingle at the base of my skull that sent a shiver of recognition down my spine!  I KNEW that I knew him and my body was confirming it!  From that moment on I had to know who he was.  I'd never seen him before and had no idea who he was.  For years I was somewhat obsessed with him.  He became VERY famous and I don't think there is anyone who doesn't know who he is.  If they don't, they've been living under a rock! lol  😝

I've told several of the closest people in my life about him.  My mom actually supported my in it, even giving me a copy of the "Parade" magazine out of the Sunday paper that had his picture on the front and an article about him.  I had to laugh at that point over the irony about that moment because I had (finally) decided to just let him go because it was tearing me apart, knowing who he was and not having ANY access to him.  I was also fantasizing about him daily and what it would be like to be with him.  I didn't really fantasize about sex with him and I know that seems strange but I didn't.  My fantasies were mainly about getting to know him from all the stuff I'd read about in interviews etc.  I wanted my OWN experience, not just something someone wrote up about him from theirs.

Throughout the years, after that initial feeling, I would have dreams of him that wouldn't make sense and I gradually got used to not having any way of contacting him.  I did try to contact him a few times.  Once I wrote him a letter, sprayed it with my favorite perfume and sent it off, never to hear from him.  I didn't really expect to and I wrote it out of sadness for him.  Honestly, now when I reflect  back on it, it was out of fear.  I wrote another letter to his lawyer on his behalf, again out of fear because he was being accused of being the father of some misguided woman trying to get money from him.

In 2008, I got a soul reading from someone who came very recommended and at the end, I asked her about him.  To my surprise, she told me that yes, his energy was in my field and that eventually, I would meet him.  He wasn't the "soulmate" in the sense that I was thinking (twin flame) but we are connected.  I still have that CD.

Just last year, I got readings from 2 different people whom I'd asked about my star lineage.  One woman accessed akashic records for my reading and the other I solicited at the advice of her brother and she has some connection with the Andromedans.   I was intuitively guided to go to this mini-conference in Evergreen and this is where I met Tolec, an Andromedan Counsel member.  You can find his website here.  It's his sister that does the Star Registry info.  I am willing to believe what I was told about my lineage because both women corroborated each other.  I was also given information about myself that matches experiences I've had here on Earth like having this great connection with animals.  On Andromeda, I'm an "Elemental".  I am also a counsel member which makes sense to me, I have always had people (total strangers sometimes) tell me their "stuff".  I was also told by Adona (Tolec's sister) that I have a spouse and that he is a warrior.  I believe that the person that I "recognized" is my spouse from Andromeda!

Why do I think this?  Because of who he is, the movies he has made, my dreams about him and his voice.  I love hearing him speak.  There is something about his voice that draws me in... The dream I had this morning about him was more intimate than the rest but it got diverted because of some "demons" that had to be taken care of and that was his job.  lol

I got over my obsession with him and Hollywood a LONG time ago and I'm glad I got over it before I found out about all the sexual misconduct, pedophilia and satanic worship bullshit that many of them have bought into.  I feel sorry for those people who thought they had to sell their soul to get what they thought they wanted.  So sad.

I do have a (small) fear that he may have gotten wrapped up in all that but I seriously doubt it, from what I can tell, he achieved "stardom" on his own, without their "help".  He's hardly ever in the spotlight except for when major happenings were going on in his life and I recently read something about him punching out a guy after seeing a dead baby in the guy's fridge!  yikes.  I have no idea if that is actually true but if it is, GOOD FOR HIM!

It's been only recently that he has entered my thoughts again and I have casual fantasies about him.  Nothing that derails me from living life at all.  I'm single, he's single and just a couple of years older than me, we love some of the same things and I fantasize about meeting him in the flesh for the first time.  I dream of riding with him on his motorcycle!

Regardless, I know we have a connection, I just don't know what it is.  It's exciting to think about and I don't get depressed at all because we haven't met or that he may not be my mate from Andromeda.  I just have fun thinking about him.  I know I will meet him eventually and I can wait.

The only clue I'll give is in the title... 😉

UPDATE! May 16, 2020

I should have updated this quite a while ago...

Last August, I met the Arcturian Council through a very good conduit; Daniel Scranton.  I asked them about the feeling I had when I first saw this man and they told me that we knew each other through a past life in Atlantis as student/teacher.  I had recognized him but was mis-taken about who he is to me.  

I had another session with Daniel just a few days ago and asked about the context of our relationship and was told that we would be working together as colleagues and friends and eventually, we would become aware of our connection.  

Cool!

I look forward to meeting him! 

Ascension Through Duality

I guess I should explain what I meant by titling my blog as such...

We are and have been in a cycle of ascension for many years now.  We are moving out of this current density of the third dimension (3D) to the next, lighter more refined density.  In order to do that, we must overcome our sense of duality and learn to perceive things as they are.  Let's just say, that is the task/choice when coming here.  I chose to do it this way.  I don't believe it is completely necessary for everyone to have to do this.  Everyone is going to ascend, one way or another.  Some will do it without their bodies and some with.  I chose to take my body with me.  There are people that will argue this with me; however, based on the sources I have been following for years, I know this is possible.

So for me, it is going through duality and seeing it for what it is; a tool of perception.  I have overcome it.  I have become the observer of myself and all around me.  I got control of "The Judge" in me (one of the archetypes of the ego) and now its job, instead of overreaching in calling everything good or bad, right or wrong, I use it only for myself; to DISCERN whether something is going to work for ME or not.  That is the proper use of this archetype.  The observer sees from a neutral perspective; not attaching "right" or "wrong" to anything.  Discernment is  exaggerated when it becomes "judgment".

I remember the exact moment that this happened for me.  It was Thanksgiving Day in 2012 and I was living with my BF and her partner.   They lived in a house owned by the Unitarian Universalists; a non-denominational religious group and they took care of the house and lived in it.  They had church services there every Sunday.  My BF was hosting Thanksgiving Day at the house that year.  I had to go outside for a walk because I don't do well in groups generally speaking anyway and I was tired of the meaningless conversations and awkwardness of being there.  

 

I was walking down the road, smoking some pot and it suddenly "hit" me that I could just keep walking, never go back and everything would be fine!  What an eye opener that was!  Much later on, I figured out that my attachment to ANYTHING or ONE had dissolved!  I discovered this over a few days because I just had no "cares" about stuff!  I discovered I could still MAKE attachments, but I could also dissolve them rather quickly.

 

Not only are we going through duality from one "level" to another but we are also going through the experience of duality to transcend it. 😊👏💓

 

UPDATE:  As I re-read this, I see that it's not really clear what I'm talking about with regard to the walk I took and feeling like I could just keep going and it would all be OK. The attachment to seeing things as "right" or "wrong", "good" or "bad" had dissolved and that's what I became aware of.  That's what was UNDERNEATH this knowing that I would be OK (everything would work out for me if I never went back) because there was no longer a duality... everything as it is, IS JUST FINE and perfect the way it is.  It was the feeling of certainty and the knowing that solidified my trust that the Universe would support me because I was no longer "labeling" things from a state of duality.  In that sense, I would no longer see my experience as "good" or "bad".  It makes it easier to glide through the experience and glean from it what I needed to without resistance.  It's in our resistance to what we judge as "bad" that keeps us in a lower vibrational state of being.  We're unable to see that everything that we experience is there for a reason... sometimes we need to let go of what is not serving us even when we can't recognize that and the Universe will sometimes "take away" something (and we resist) only to leave us open to receiving something "better" or of a higher vibration and our resistance keeps us from receiving.  

I hope that helps! 

Meditation/Mindfulness

For years I would try to sit and meditate because I'd read/heard that it was helpful for dealing with the mind.  It is definitely NOT my thing (the sitting part).  lol  I think many people, myself included, believe(d) that meditation is about eliminating the thoughts in your head.  That's only partially true.

If you're a "sitter" and you sit long enough, that may eventually happen.  It doesn't help that most people are under the impression that the "ego" is bad and so the elimination of thoughts becomes paramount.  The best way to do that if that is your goal is to just say, "Thank You" to your self when you do have a thought come up.  That way, you're not pushing anything away and you're appreciating the parts of you that come up.  I don't advocate putting thoughts in a box or behind a door and locking it or anything else of the like because you wouldn't do that to a child or your lover would you?  Ego is our "inner child" and "beloved".

I think most people who meditate are not aware of the purpose.  Some are and those are the ones that have done some study about it; however, for most of us it becomes about "getting rid of".  At least that's how I used to think about it.

The purpose of meditation is to connect to what is REAL in us; the Love in us.  There are a multitude of ways to accomplish that.  It's about being present in every moment; being mindful or filling your mind with presence.

I discovered through rock climbing for a solid year that it kept me focused on just what I was doing because, if you are NOT mindful while you are climbing, you could be falling to your death.  I discovered it's a great way for me to meditate.  Actually, any kind of moving activity, even just walking, is the best way for me to meditate.  I'm aware that I just need to stay mindful with whatever it is I'm doing.  Riding my bike is a good one because the roads have gotten so crowded with cars where I live that you HAVE to be mindful or some idiot from a big city where they don't have a lot of bikes on the road is hitting you!  We have lots of bike lanes and bike paths here in Boulder so it's very easy to get around that way.  I LOVE being back on my bike!

Being mindful means being fully present and not letting your mind wonder to the "next thing".  You're not living in the past lamenting over some perceived mistake and you're not living in the future worrying about it.  If you are mindful and focused on what you are doing, the thoughts are just not there.

I've found that if my mind keeps bringing something up that I think I need to pay attention to, I write it down for later so my mind can let it go.  I appreciate that part of myself that brought it to my attention, write it down and let it go.

Mindfulness also allows for intuition to be more present.  I get "reminders" all the time when I'm fully present about things I'm about to forget, like grabbing a doggie poop bag before I go out the door with a dog or something else I need to do IN THE MOMENT for things to go smoothly.  I always thank my Self for that also.  Writing things down is for the stuff that I need to remember LATER.

People that are not mindful are often "spacey" or disconnected; not grounded.  We need to be grounded for intuition to be known easier.  We are electrical beings so we need to be grounded to make the connection between Earth and the resonant field of our Heart to effectively be led by our inner guidance.  If we're lost in space, we're disconnected and it's a lot harder to "hear" our inner guidance.  We're also too easily taken advantage of by our own ego and other egos.  When you're present, you're aware of EVERYTHING that's going on around you!

Being grounded allows for the perfect balance of ego (reason, logic and critical thinking) and Heart (Love and Empathy) to create Compassion.  Compassion is not just Love by itself.  It's the yin/yang balance of both logic and love.  This is what I have found.  Compassion says, "I love you and I know you can solve this problem on your own".  There is NO interference or doing for the other person.  That serves to only disempower.  It doesn't mean we can't give advice that is WANTED and vice verse; we don't give advice that is not asked for.  Compassion listens, gives empathy and also knows to mind it's own business unless invited.

I have only come to this conclusion in the last couple of days... call it a "download" if you will.  It makes sense to me.  After I got this "download", I had to think about it somewhat to find the logic in it.  Love by itself is the feeling.  Compassion is Love the noun BECAUSE it includes integrated parts of our ego.  Ego can understand Love because it's ego we are teaching whenever we learn anything.  The Love in us; our Core Selves knows everything.  We also need to take care in what we teach ourselves especially when it comes to love because ego is so good at using our own knowledge to deceive us if we are not aware.  KNOW THYSELF is the most important aspect of Loving yourself.  I can't emphasize that enough!

Knowing yourself is two-fold.  Knowing who you are on a spiritual level so that you learn to trust the inner guidance that already knows the path we want and knowing your ego so you always know what you're up to! lol  It's important to be able to laugh at ourselves too.  I find myself to be quite hilarious!

Ok... I think I'll stop here because as you can see, it's all connected and I'm getting into Compassion and I really wanted this to be just about meditation and what that has become for me.

I have been able to sit still for Vipassana which is another form of Meditation but it's more than that also.  See the earlier post about that.