IFS (Internal Family System)

Well, I suppose it's time I talk about IFS.  I found it through friends on Maui.  There is a website:  www.selfleadership.org  You will find lots of information there about it.  My overview here will be brief and mostly about my own experience.
Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, maintains that IFS is about Self leadership(as opposed to being led by the self "ego").  It's another path of Enlightenment; and a good one.  Btw... enlightenment is nothing more than healing the emotional baggage and being lighter in vibration.  It's not a mystery and it's a path we must all follow ourselves.  Basically, IFS teaches you a new way to see your self.  To see the self for what it really is; a protector, a defense mechanism and our beloved.  Through lots of different factors, most of our egos have taken on an over-active role in that protection.  It's also our own "child" if you will... for where did it come from if not Love also.  It's a child that needs and wants our Love; the Love that We Are.  For me, it was kind of like, DUH! yeah!  I finally understood what it REALLY meant to love my self!  It wasn't about buying myself something material or finding someone that liked me or even doing nice things for my body like exercise and eating good food (which doesn't hurt and does help).  No, it is about acknowledging my self when it communicates to me ie: a thought, thanking it for it's input and then making the decision with discernment whether or not I wanted to entertain that thought.  A lot of times these thoughts don't feel good and we're taught to push away what doesn't feel good.  That's like telling your kid, "go away, I don't want to deal with you right now".  You know kids, if you do that, they just keep coming back with the same thing until you give them attention.  You do it enough and they get angry at you because they are not getting a need met.  They just want to be acknowledged.  This process has also been dubbed, "parts work".  As Richard sat one day, listening to a client, he noticed her talking about "parts" of herself.  he started to ask her about them and discovered that she had many different parts of her self that all seemed to have different personalities and ways of thinking and also were often in conflict with each other.  He categorized these different parts into 3 groups:  Managers, Firefighters and Exiles.  Exiles are the parts that have been traumatized and pushed away over and over and over again.  It's as if a piece of us splinters off and gets "stuck" at the age trauma happens and doesn't "grow up" with the rest of us.  Managers are responsible for keeping those parts in check and Firefighters are the one responsible for distracting the Exile with sex, food, drugs or any other sensational tool for calming the exile should it get "triggered".  It (Firefighter) is often mislabeled as a saboteur.  Our job, should we choose to accept it, is to get to know these parts and love them.  Richard has worked for over 20 years to create this system of psychotherapy that it is today.  I started out doing the process that is outlined in Jay Earley's book, "Self Therapy", and got amazing results very quickly.  Just by doing something as simple as acknowledging my parts as they surfaced and thanking them for their service, they calmed down immediately and I notice that as I do this more and more, they get integrated back to my (larger) Self.  I practice a few times in group but when it came time for me to leave Maui, I started practicing on my own and incorporated other "paths" like Ho'oponopono and Byron Katie's "work".  Basically with BK's work, I tell myself that I don't have to believe the thought I'm having.  With Ho'oponopono, I use that part that works for me; Thank You and I Love You.  I continue to ask why I am feeling the way I am and I get a much faster response because I have been doing this work for 1.5 years now.  My parts know that I have accepted them and I Love them.  I know there are still parts that haven't come forward yet because I'm very aware of when I'm tempted to "self-sabotage".  I changed how I'm doing the process, but I'm still practicing the essence of it; self Love.  I don't push any feelings or thoughts away anymore; I deal with them head on or ask them to step aside and I'll meet with them later.  I found out the hard way that if I forgot to do that, a part would get very angry or upset.  Sometimes I would have to wait quite a while before that part would be ready to surface again.  Richard recommends getting to know the Managers first because they are responsible for keeping the Exile safe and then asking permission to speak with the exile.  I have found that I don't need to do that.  I just deal with whatever comes up when it comes up.  I rarely get triggered by anything or if I do, it's very subtle.  I have notices, as I think most people do who are doing their "work" that issues will come up that I think I've dealt with and I have... it's another "layer" if you will, that's coming up for healing.  Healing is happening in "layers" and rarely, if ever, do issues get healed with one round of whatever tool it is that we are using to do this.  I'm able to do this work in the moment now but only if I am fully present.  There are moments where I'm not fully present and I just have to do my best in the moment.  So I'm not doing this all day long or even every day.  I did so in the beginning, when I could be in the moment and remember to do it.  It became second nature quickly.  I have lots of days now where I don't get triggered at all and it just gets better and better.  I'm really glad that I found this first before Vipassana because it helped with the major issues I still had.  Vipassana is taking care of the more subtle layers.  Just in the last few days, I have felt enormous peace and balance.  I also know that the solar flares we have gotten in the last week or so have contributed greatly.  I have followed so many different paths... it's hard to distinguish what works "better" or "more" than others.  I'd have to say I've gotten more significant results from IFS and Vipassana alone.  They are very different but both lead to the same conclusion...Liberation, Freedom, Peace and True Happiness from a defiled and hurt mind.  
I recommend that if you are inspired to try Richards "work" that you start doing it the way he recommends first before you change anything to do it your own way.  It is very helpful to study everything he offers to have a complete understanding of what it is you are doing.  Patience is KEY.  And know that no one will have the same experience of healing as another.  It's best NOT to compare ourselves with each other so as to avoid getting discouraged with our practice and hence, stopping.  Blessings to All and Godspeed to You! 💖😊       

IFS, Vipasanna Meditation and Changes

Whoa!  It's been quite awhile since I have felt like coming here!  So much has happened in the last 2 years!  

So, a quick update... I'm still in Hawai'i and I have continued my path of consciously evolving with the help of IFS and Vipassana meditation.  There's lots I'm skipping over, however, I feel that these two things have helped me the most in my own evolution. I will come back at a later date and write more about IFS because it's a  story all its own!  My purpose with this piece is the changes that have come about in the last 2 weeks that I attribute to many things, however I want to cover more of Vipassana as it's most fresh in my mind and it's the last retreat I went to before I had a major shift.

I went to Maui back in February of 2013 for a few months and while I was there, I got involved with the Maui Forum group.  Maui Forum is a group that agrees to make a commitment to get together once a week for 5 weeks to allow people the space and freedom to speak their mind in a safe container.  Most use this platform to air their "stuff" and get feedback.  The couple that facilitated this group was also doing research on the internet for more avenues of self-help and they found Richard Schwartz's website:  www.selfleadership.org also known as Internal Family Systems as labeled by him.  

Basically it is about helping one to see a different perspective of the ego by getting to know all of the different "parts" of our own ego.  That made sense to me as I had noticed many times in my life where my personality changed drastically one way or the other and it was like I was seeing a different person; a mirror of the person in front of me.  I did several sessions with the group and working on my own I made lots of discoveries about myself and lots of positive changes happen over the last 1.5 years.  It was a way for me to befriend my ego and gain trust so that the parts that need healing can come forward and get healed with my own Love.  This is what it means to love your self!  To give the same loving attention to it as we would a small child; acknowledgment and recognition, because it IS a small child at times. 

Anyway, it worked wonders for me and I will talk about it more in another blog.

After I found IFS and read Jay Earley's book, "Self Therapy", I felt the need to search for another "process", something I had been doing for most of my adult life, end.  Eventually, I said to myself, "what's next?".  I started hearing people talk about Vipassana and feel myself being interested and finally, getting the inspiration to go.  I signed up over the internet for the "unofficial" site here in Hawai'i on the Big Island. My 1st retreat started on the 23rd of July 2014 and got out on August 3rd; 4 days before a hurricane hit.  (yikes!) lol.  I went back a second time because I felt I had been too easy on myself.  Not that I was beating myself up; but I definitely could have done it with more effort and discipline.  So that's what I did.  I went back a second time from August 27th to September 7th; day 10 (9/6)being my birthday.   It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday.  At first when I got the inspiration to go, I wasn't interested in being there on my birthday.  Somehow, the angels knew how to inspire me (and I still was hearing about it) to get me to go, knowing what I was getting into:  10 days of meditation and discourse... sitting on my ass for 10 hours a day, eating better than I had been but eating stuff I never would have prepared myself and going through it all over again. LOL  It's not as bad as it sounds... I enjoyed getting up at 4AM and getting in the meditation hall at 4:30.  It was the best 2 hours of the day.  The food was fabulous also but not everything was organic and I HATE tofu and it totally ruined a dish I wanted to eat.  And, it's only 10 days.  Most everyone made it through in the 2 sits that I did.  People do drop out, even though it's not recommended. 

So before I continue with my Vipassana experience, let me explain a little bit about it.  Vipassana means, "to see things as they really are". www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml  In a nutshell it is a way to free oneself from one's own suffering.  It is using a method discovered by the Buddha to change the habitual re-actions of the self; while having the understanding that everything is always changing, ie: this too will pass.  We worked up to paying attention to the sensations of our body; using our own experience to build wisdom.  It is a perfect process and has been kept in it's original way of teaching for the last 2500 years.  Burma was the only country to do this.  Other countries where Vipassana had been had not kept it in it's pure state by adding dogma or changing the interpretation of the teachings.  S. N. Goenka is the main teacher that we are learning from as he is the one that started all the Vipassana centers in every country.  There are assistant teachers that are there to answer questions when they come up.  It is videos made of one of his courses back in 1991 that we watched every evening after our last mandatory 1 hour sit.  Goenka is brilliant and his discourses at the end of the day were informative as to why we were doing the meditation as we were.  He covered a lot of information with stories; some of them hilarious!  I think, though, that he could have covered self love much more since that is really part of it and I feel like that's what people struggle with the most more than the practical part of it.  When you're used to beating yourself up for "making mistakes" it's easy to keep doing it even though you have someone telling you not to.  The world has changed quite a bit since 1991 and no one has all the answers.  I could see myself, eventually, coming up with my own brand of Vipassana meditation incorporating the components of IFS while keeping the essence of Vipassana pure.  One thing I realized kind of the hard way was that we were on our own as far as discipline went.  No one was going to enforce the "rules" on us.  We weren't in prison and so there was no punishment for breaking them.  If we didn't put forth the effort to practice, we didn't reap the benefits.  I saw plenty of people doing what they were told not to as far as meditation went and how they spent their time.  The first sit, my ego tried to take responsibility for everyone following the rules since I was but I had to admit to myself that I was breaking rules even if they were different.  I wrote in my journal every day so that I could document my experience.  We weren't supposed to have anything that could distract us from our experience such as writing, exercising including yoga, and talking with each other.  I was good about it though; I only wrote during free time and I don't feel it changed what was coming up for me.  It actually helped me deal with some of it. 

So after sitting for over 200 hours over 6 weeks I started noticing changes before I even left there.  There were surprising differences between the two sits.  In the first, I ate salad at every lunch; at my second,  I hardly ate any!  The landscape had been changed by the recent hurricane so there were different views available like the ocean.  I was also considered an "old student" and was encouraged to volunteer to clean the bathroom or to clean off the dining tables in our dining hall after breakfast and lunch which I did quite a few times.  It was great because I could linger and just stare at the ocean while I waited for the other women to be done and for the servers to clear the serving tables.  I would also get a sense of accomplishment and feel good about contributing my service, rather than feeling put out in any way for "having" to do it because I signed up.  I also felt a sense of greater connection with this group of women than I did the last even though there were 3 other women at the 1st sit that I knew.  I am in touch with quite a few of them on facebook and email.  Even though I got the same bed both times, the second time I changed the position of my body so my head would be in a better fung shui direction for me.  I had some of the same issues surrounding responsibility like the first but to a much lesser degree.  I was surprised by what I was triggered by.  The first was the tofu in the stew.  I knew ahead of time it was in there but this time it had been broken up so well that I could not pick out all of it like the first time.  And it was too spicy hot for me to eat also.  It took me the better part of the day to get over it.  The other time was finding clorox in the 1st rinse water when it was only supposed to be in the last.  I was pissed that my hand had been in that poison!  I was surprised at the intensity of the anger I felt.  I hadn't felt like that in months and months.  It took me using some IFS work with myself to help myself get over it.  And then forgive the person who made the boo-boo and myself for my re-action.  

I met this wonderful man, Brian, and now that I think of it, I met him on my birthday.  What transpired between us was such a different experience with a man than I was used to.  He approached me on day 10, after we had broken silence, to tell me that he felt there was some reason we needed to talk but he wasn't sure what about and asked me when I was leaving the next day.  We got together the next day after performing our service in gratitude to the stay we had had and left with 6 other participants and headed for Maku'u market where we had lunch together and made plans to spend the day together.  I found it very easy to talk with him and we made a deep connection with each other very quickly just talking with each other.  This was a Sunday.  After the market and some beach time, we saw each other on the lawn.  Sunday lawn gatherings are a regular thing here in Puna, Big I, Hawai'i.  I had invited him but he had declined so it was a little surprise to see him there.  We had made a plan to get together on Tuesday for a massage trade.  We were communicating through email and I remembered that this was the last super full moon of the year and that it was going to be very powerful.  I had had the thought to do a medicine journey for myself and I spontaneously invited Brian to join me.  After checking in with himself, he decided to join me and it was both magical and healing for both of us and brought us even closer to each other than before.  We spent the next 2 days with each other, cruising the lower east side of the island and enjoying each others company.  While I thoroughly enjoyed this man's company, I had no expectations whatsoever, nor did I feel any need to try to possess him and make him a "partner" or "boyfriend".  I simply enjoyed what we had for the moment, never expecting more.  I found it easy to tell him what I liked and what I wanted and he showered me with attention and loving kindness.  He most certainly brought out a very good side of me(giggle).  With that I found myself thinking that I wanted to share my love with more than one man but not necessarily sex.  I found myself attracting and being attracted to a few men that appealed to me.  I can't help but think that this is what it feels like to be polyamorous.  I want to share cuddles and hugs with men and other women too, which I already do, lol that I choose to but to save my sacred sex for one man... I don't think polyamory means you necessarily are having sex with multiple people even though I think that's how some people think about it and use that as an excuse to sleep with multiple partners.  I do like variety in my life but I don't need multiple sex partners.  Not that long ago, I didn't feel as freely loving as I do now.  I wanted to be with just one man period.  I find myself even open to the idea that I'd be ok with my man cuddling and kissing on other women as long as he reserved his sacred sex for me.  I just feel more healthy about my view of open love.  I also think that based on what I know of myself, there may even come a time where I could be ok with completely open relationships including sex.  

I find that Brian is a perfect mirror for the person that I have wanted to be for so long.  Some of my friends have met him and they all say the same thing; how he is such a gentle spirit and shines so bright!  Still, as wonderful as this man is, I feel no "hanging on" on my part.  And it's not just that he's going back to Denmark.  I know the love we shared will always be there.  I just know that.  I don't have any need to try to keep him and it feels so good to be able to let go!  I no longer have that insecurity and I feel like I'm ready for that partner that I have wanted for so long.  I spent the last 3 years single on purpose and very happy about it.  I had no longing for a partner and was completely happy being single; however, it had also occurred to me just before going back to Vipassana the second time that maybe what was missing in my life as an added boost to my growth was just that, a partner.  We will get to see each other again.  An opportunity is coming up that would allow us to spend 10 days together on another part of the island.  I'm excited for that as we will have a car to toodle around the other side of the island and explore a bit.  We will also have more time for getting to know each other.  OK, enough about Brian, lol!  

All in all, some incredible changes have happened to me.  I feel more connection with everyone in my community.  One thing that changed that took a bit for me to realize as it did the first time it happened is that, because I was so focused on looking at my own darkness, it allowed me to see the darkness in others.  After the 2nd sit at vipassana, I noticed that that had shifted and I was seeing more of the light in others because I was seeing more of the light in myself.  Everyone looks the same, but different.  It's very hard to explain in words and I had this experience before almost 3 years ago when I had my first level of heart awakening on the heals of a relationship breakup and discovering I was living from my lower 3 chakras.  I had some energy work done that cleared out and replaced the energy in my chakras and enabled me to reside in my heart space for about 6 weeks until I was triggered back into my ego enough that all those roots of misery that I had yet to deal with grew back and Vipassana was what has helped me get at those roots.  I feel as though it was that second Vipassana sit that I did that had such a great effect on me.  Not only did I meet Brian and have incredible healing with him but I also made a deeper "incision" with myself with another 100 hours of meditation to get at those roots.  I feel like I am very close to liberating myself completely of all my suffering!  The person I am today is so unrecognizable to the person I was when I first came to Big Island 4.5 years ago.  

I had found during the first sitting that I had been practicing most of the components of it but not all together like this.  I had already been practicing accepting everything as it is without re-acting to what was said or done to me by others; changing what I could and letting go of what I couldn't change.  I had also spent lots of time paying attention to the sensations in my body while modeling for art classes many years ago.  I would use my senses to "map" my bodies position so that I could get back into the same position for the artists.  I modeled for many years and modeling in itself was a meditation while I sat there, motionless as possible.  One of the things we worked up to was sitting in "strong determination" which meant that for each of the mandatory 3 hours we sat in the dhamma hall, we were to sit without moving our feet, hands or opening our eyes.  Even that was not as "strict" as people would think.  We were told we weren't there to torture ourselves and we could move when it was absolutely necessary for us to move to prevent a lot of pain.  Pain was a part of it for many of the participants.  I was surprised to hear from the other women what was coming up for them while they sat; what triggered them and how long they spent in anger over it.  Everyone has their own experience of vipassana but the goal is the same.  We all have different obstacles to overcome to get there.  I had done a major portion of my own enlightenment before vipassana.  For some, it is too much and they can't handle it.  One must have a strong mind to do this work but it can work for everyone.  It is universal, nonsectarian and helps build compassion for self and others.  It is also living a moral life with respect to non-violence in any form; thought, word or action.  

I highly recommend this practice for anyone who is wanting to lighten their load of emotional baggage.  That is, of course, what enlightenment is.  It is simply using any process to deal with the emotional turmoil that is in the mind that keeps us from enjoying a life without misery.  Misery is ALWAYS how a situation is perceived.  It's never the person or the situation, it's how it's seen.  By observing from a neutral space and letting things be as they are without needing to change it is a huge step to enlightening ourselves.  This is work that we all must do on our own.  No one can do this for us.  There is no one to save us except ourselves!  To believe otherwise is to not trust in our own power to do so.  It's akin to a butterfly leaving its chrysalis.  We can be shown the path but we must walk it ourselves.  I have "rescued" myself, and I know that if I can do it, anyone can.  I no longer feel the need to "rescue" another person like I used to.  I realize everyone has the capacity to do this on their own in varying degrees.  It may be in my future to help others by teaching Vipassana but not sure that it will be under Goenka's umbrella.  I know it's not the time and I must spend as much time as possible in Vipassana meditation to come to complete liberation.  Buddha said that he would not leave from his spot under the Bodhi tree until he had attained enlightenment.  I am doing my best to keep up with the 2 hours a day; an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening to maintain our practice.  There is also a way to do it with eyes open and truly be in the moment with what you're doing.  I practice the latter when I remember.  I must admit that I do meditate every day but not as long as recommended, however, I do my best not to be in resistance to anything that I can't change so that I'm not allowing those roots to grow and the root must die eventually because I'm not feeding it.  I know I am close because there is so little that I really react to and I feel the most compassion for people that I've ever felt.  I also know that whatever of my old roots of trauma that may be left will come to greet me, mirrored to me through an "other".  I look forward to that now and see it as an opportunity for growth, knowing that this is what I gave myself.  I let go of what seems to be a huge amount of stuff from the difference I feel in myself but really, I think it was what I received as well.  I think the roots are where it's at and once you start eliminating those, huge changes happen.  At least that's how I see it.  With different people it will be different and some will have similar experiences and others will be completely different. 

I feel like I am more the person I have wanted to be.  That's not even an accurate way to put it.  It's hard to explain.  Maybe more like I am more of my True Self.  Less fear getting in the way.  All the work I have done is paying off even better than before because I have taken my trust to another level as well.  There is a volcano lava flow from Pu'u O'o vent of Kilauea about to cover the road (possibly).  Who knows because it's always changing.  But I'm not worried and I have absolutely no fear about it.  I know I will be taken care of as will everyone else that stays here.  We will come together as a community and support each other.  We will be a model for the rest of the world as well as other pockets of awakening people all over our planet.  We will get it televised somehow.  I look forward to participating in this event.  There are so many conscious people here in Puna.  I feel safe here and protected.  We live on a conscious planet.  She will take care of us.  All we have to do is let go of control and let her, while living sustainably on her surface.  Taking care of each other and loving each other.  I feel like I belong to a community that is already like that and it will just get better.  Pele is triggering a reshuffle of people throughout the lower Puna area.   Some are leaving for different reasons but I choose to stay.  We'll just have to see what happens.  I may be away when and if the lava crosses the road and cuts us off for a bit.  That will be another blog... lol I'm  pretty sure also that if I'm supposed to leave I will know it like I know everything else for myself.  I have absolute trust in myself and faith in the Universe. I also trust that everyone else is where they are supposed to be and have the tools to take care of themselves.  If they need help, they will ask.  I have let myself off the hook, if you will, to "helping" anyone else unless they ask me or I see that it's apparent that they need help like they're drowning or something because I know that's not my job.  My only job at this point is saving myself from myself and I am well on my way to doing that.  Then I look forward to sharing my wisdom with the world!  This is what I see for myself.  Enough for now...