The Me I Choose to BE

I found this article on Stillness in the Storm today and it's a great synopsis of Book 4 of Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsh that I read about 18 years ago.  It describes EXACTLY who I choose to be and I really DO live my life this way.  I could have written this myself but since it's already written, I thought I would just share the link.  I've gotten "shit" from an acquaintance for not saying something in my own words but my thinking is, everything has already been said and if I can give credit to someone else for saying it for me, all the better!  I'm not lazy, but if someone wrote something that I think is better than I would write it myself, I'm going to let them take the credit!

Here is the article: https://wakeup-world.com/2018/01/10/10-characteristics-of-highly-evolved-beings/

I know I'm not the only person who lives like this but unfortunately I don't meet them often.  I think we are ALL on our way to being the people this article talks about there are just a few of us that are ahead of the curve so-to-speak and are here to be examples to the rest.  It's a lonely path, believe me! lol  I'm not trying to come off as "better than" other people or anything close to that.  Just better than I used to be.... for ME.  The more I choose to be a better version of myself, the better I feel and that's what it's about.  I like seeing/hearing how I influence people from this space as well.  I inspire other people to be better versions of themselves and I LOVE that!  I want EVERYONE to feel good about themselves and be inspirations to others!  I don't always get to know this and most of the time I don't but sometimes I do and it's very uplifting.

Some of the things that I do that correspond to what is said in this article?

#1 Is self explanatory; however, I had an experience while under the influence of DMT where I EXPERIENCED the oneness.  I actually felt it!  I also had a dream almost 20 years ago right when I started reading all of the "Conversations with God" books that I still remember to this day.

I was in a church standing where the reverend would stand and there were about 100 or so people in the "audience".  They were all clapping their hands for me.  I remember looking up at the ceiling to see what looked like the Sun shining through the ceiling but there was no hole there, it was very bright but did not hurt my eyes.  As soon as I saw it, I felt this overwhelming feeling of Love but it was so intense.  It felt like how a giggle fit feels coming on when I've eaten "magic mushrooms".  Or maybe what the climax of an orgasm feels like only 1000 times more intense.  It only lasted a split second and I was "told" that was all I could be allowed to feel or I would not want to "come back".  I get it... it felt SO good; I would not have wanted to come back!  I interpret this dream as the path I started on at the time was going to lead me to Oneness with God again.  I get to go HOME!  YAY!

I live by the "Golden Rule" and treat others the way I want to be treated.  I also live congruently by being aware of my thoughts, words and actions and make sure they are in alignment.

#2  haha  This should be evident by what I have shared here in my blog.  This has not always been true.  I have done a LOT of work on myself to "get over myself" and not be afraid of the truth or telling it anymore.  It's actually a lot easier to tell the truth and it feels better.  It takes a LOT of energy to tell a lie and keep it going.  You have to remember who you told what to and it gets tedious.  I've never been THAT bad at telling the truth but I am aware that I have told lies in the past in order to protect myself or to make sure I get what I need and it ALWAYS caught up with me.

I have to laugh because someone I know still uses this tactic because of fear and it doesn't matter how many times I tell him that I will know if he's lying but he does it anyway.  It's more like he tells me what he thinks I want to hear which to me is the same thing.  I'd rather have the ugly truth than be told a pretty lie.  You can't do anything with a lie.  At least, when you know the truth, you can address it and deal with it.

#3  I have mostly been pretty good about doing what I say.  What I haven't been good about is addressing the truth if I'm not able to come through with something I said I would do.  I was always afraid of what the other person would say or do.  Now, I don't have that fear but I'm also not really faced with it anymore.  If I don't think I can do something, I will say so.  I have no fear about having to say "no".  We need to do that sometimes.  I am not going to put anyone else first ever again because I have always gotten the "short end of the stick" when I have done that.  I take care of myself first and I don't overextend myself.  I know that the other person will get what they need, it just won't be from me and that's OK.

#4  This is definitely something that I have had to work on.  In the past, it was not always easy to recognize what wasn't working in my life until I was SUPER honest with myself and then, I had to make the leap to find the solution of what would work better.  I often would get stuck in the "problem" and sink into depression because I wasn't aware of what I needed to change first which was my own attitude (hence the quote from Einstein over on the right under "Quotes").  Being the analytical one of the zodiac, it was easy for me to get mired in the "problem" by over thinking it and not see the solution.  That's not as true now because I'm aware that the solution is ALWAYS going to be at a higher vibration than the problem and sometimes I just have to hand it over to my Higher Self to deal with.  It's still me but I'm humble enough to know that my ego isn't going to have the answer.

I stopped watching TV, I don't watch horror movies anymore, (and I used to LOVE them! lol) I've never really been a drinker so I didn't have to worry about that but at the age of 26 or so, I became a pot smoker (marijuana) and just 10 weeks ago, quit for what I hope is the last time.  I will write more about this in another entry.  I also don't push my beliefs onto other people like I used to either.  I also changed my name almost 14 years ago.  That actually changed me over time for the better.  To understand that one, read "The Science of Characteristics" entry.

#5  Ok... I've never killed anyone but I have been mad enough to want to! lol  Now, I can say, after doing my inner work that I could actually do it if I was in a situation that warranted it.  Even though I know I'm not my body, if someone tried to take me out before I'm ready to go, it's going to be THEM!  lol  I at least would not go down without a fight!  I would not just stand by, cowering in fear and let someone kill me.  I'd do that for my kids too or my best friend.  I guess, if I was in that situation, I'd do it for the underdog also.  Just so you know though, this is NOT the person I choose to be.

#6  I've never been a "litter bug" and I actually pick up a lot of trash I see around where I live.  I especially pick up plastic, cigarette butts and glass and I am in charge of the recycle for my building.  I have to laugh because I get a little frustrated with people who are throwing their trash in with the recycle thinking that it's recyclable when it's not; like bread bags and packing material.  I just want it to be done right.  I mean, what's the point of doing it (anything really) if you aren't going to do it the right way?!  I also don't kill bugs or ants, I let them outside.  I also stopped using any kind of chemicals.  I use laundry magnets to do wash and they work just GREAT!  They do the same thing soap does without the chemicals.  We really don't need chemicals for anything (except right now for industrial uses but even that, I believe, will change).  I conserve water as best I can and I reuse or recycle as much as I can also.  It's amazing how many items that supposedly have only "one use" that, with a little imagination, you can repurpose to something else.  Wish I had a good example here...

#7  I do believe that nothing should be "owned" especially pets.  I call pet "owners" guardians.  It is pretty easy for me to share what I have when I'm feeling good but if I'm in a "bad mood" I can be very possessive of my "stuff"  lol, especially my sweets!  LMAO!  I have a hard time sharing my sugar.  I LOVE my sugar!  and I'm ok with that!  lol  Anything else though is pretty easy.  The only things I NEVER share are personal items like toothbrush, hairbrush and anything else I use on my personal body.

#8  This one is easy for me.  I have never been a competitive person and don't like playing sports "to win".  I like playing for fun.  Like I said at the top, I have no problem giving credit where credit is due and I actually LOVE to share the spotlight so-to-speak.  This is one time when I can actually be in a group of people and do OK as long as everyone is focused on the same thing.

#9  This is something I know innately but long ago have bought into like most people.  I am well aware that Love is what heals everything and I am continuously disheartened by people who insist that people need to suffer over some perceived "wrong doing".  They erroneously think that if someone "pays" for their "crime" that the "victim" will magically get over their hurt and I got news for ya... only forgiveness does that!  People are made WORSE by putting them in jail.  Only a few that become humbled by the experience ever change and that's only because they want to.  Most people go back to crime because that's what they know and it works for them.  They don't care if they hurt someone with their actions and they don't have the capacity for empathy so that they can understand why they need to change.  There is lots that goes into that as to reasons why...

I am able to forgive the most heinous crimes because I know that I do not know that paths of other people or what they came to experience.  I can even forgive the "cabal", "elite" or "illuminati" as they are called because I understand the nature of duality and the path of darkness they chose to be the contrast for the rest of us.  We are ALL DIVINE beings... every last one of us!  None of us are better than or less than the rest; all else is illusion!  The system we use does not work and it's because of the way we see things and our lack of responsibility.

#10  This one was the hardest for me.  It took me a long time to realize that there really is no such thing as "not enough".  It took hearing it from other people as well as waking up and fully realizing that as a child of God, we are ALL taken care of and all we need to do is trust that.  I have also had some amazing experiences when I trusted this and everything came together better than I could have orchestrated it myself.  I've learned to embrace the mystery of how that will happen.  I no longer worry about the HOW because that's not up to me or any of us!  When you trust, it just happens and all we need to do is get clear about what we want, get excited about it, trust it's on it's way and let go of how it will happen.  Sometimes what we think we want and what we actually get are different but I've learned we always get what we need to fulfill our desire.  What was it the Rolling Stones said?  "You can always get what you want... but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."  So true.  And a lot of the time it's BETTER than what we wanted... 😉💖

New update on me going through "my stuff" lol

If you read the last few entries labeled Rants, Update and Let's Be Real, you'd realize that I was attempting to explain that I still go through some shit (and I can't hide it) and I literally have to "hide" in my room so that I don't get triggered when other people going through their "stuff".  It was also me letting people know that I'm not about "perfection" although from the outside, I'm sure that's what it looks like to people who don't know me when I AM on top of my "game".  😉

I went through another day of "shit" with myself yesterday and couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed that I only got a couple of days of being "on top" and I was wondering, "ok, how long is THIS episode going to last?" lmao

It only lasted the day right up until I went to bed because of having to take care of something that my roommate left which pissed me off because it was almost one in the morning and she had left the TV on because she went into her room to make her bed and then forgot about the TV so she just left it on!  (WTF!)

I had been listening to music that I like (uplifting, feel good music) right before going to sleep and I have found that I wake up feeling better and not plagued by the thoughts in my head about my roommate.

It's my roommate for the most part that has been triggering me and I guess I'll have to explain what I mean so you know where I'm coming from.

My roommate is blind and when I met her, I was still driving the taxi.  Long story short, she wanted someone to live with her to help her with what she couldn't see like reading her mail and cleaning.  Well, part of what is bugging me is that it has turned out to be WAY more than just reading her mail and cleaning.  I haven't minded so far but she went through a very tough 3 weeks with a health issue and while she was VERY appreciative that I was there to help and I was too, I was thinking to myself that this was more than I wanted to do for someone.

I have already been a caregiver and I quit after about 4 years because the Agencies that I worked for do not (really) help these people or empower them in any way to be on their own.  I mean it's the same thing the medical system does.  They talk a good talk but really, all they do is enable people to stay dependent on the system because the system, without "clients" or "patient" would collapse and "doctors" would not make any money.  Part of the problem if you ask me.

So being a "caregiver" to someone I live with is NOT something I want to do at all and she knows this.  I only agreed to live with her because she IS very appreciative and expresses her appreciation well and she had said that she wanted to remain as independent as possible.  This is something I can support.

What I'm finding now is that she needs WAY more help than she is willing to admit, she forgets little things that have a big impact like leaving her coffee maker on with nothing in the pot or the TV on or the lights on, turning on the wrong burner on the stove and burning a pot up...  Now, I DON'T fault her for any of this because of her obvious problems.  But all of that on top of what I now know about her is more than what I bargained for.

To go back to what is going on with me... I see all of this going on and my mind goes crazy with what I think I need to tell her like, I think I need to move, you're relying too much on me, I didn't come here to be your "friend" etc etc.  No, I moved in to be of help but not put up with her drinking and neediness for company after she told me that she liked to be alone.  I told her up front before I moved in that I would be spending most of the time in my room which I do but I still find myself in front of the TV with her because she sucks me in with her "poor me" stories.  So part of my frustration is with  myself for not sticking to my own "plan" so to speak and what I told her my own needs are.

As I've said, I have had to deal with this part of myself before and twice now, I've gotten through it so it's a little perplexing that I'm going through it again.   Once again, I found myself on the phone with Ima last night and she told me she was going through the same thing only with her partner that she lives with.  He couldn't do anything right, according to her.  I have to laugh because I have lived with them several times over the years so I know what she's talking about. lol  (knee slapper!)

While I was lying in bed fuming that I had to get up to shut the TV off, I asked myself what was going on and I heard myself say, "I don't want to do this job anymore".  I asked further what that meant and I immediately got in touch with the fear that was underneath this frustration and annoyance with my roommate.  She was going through what I had gone through 10 years ago.  We'd had a conversation just a couple of nights ago that she had gotten to the end of her rope with herself and was tired of having to drink to fall asleep (basically to "shut up" the scenes in her head of all the abuse she had been through that she had yet to process).  What she REALLY needs to do is deal with her shit and HER frustration is that she doesn't know what to do about it.  I didn't either 10 years ago except I did know that I needed to go to Hawai'i.

What I also need to say here is that many of the reactions I have in my head are in response to the ASSUMPTIONS that my mind is making about the situation I'm in and what my roommate is going through that I have not verified by asking the relevant questions.

So, I have been frustrated the last few days watching her make the same mistakes and keep drinking even though she knows she needs to change things.  My protective part of ME is afraid that this "job" is going to fall on ME and when I got that, I was like: WHOA... that is NOT my job here (this is me talking to myself and reassuring myself that I don't have to do this.)

Ima had told me a story about something she'd seen on FB and it was a story about a Mom who is dubbed "The Truth Bomb Mom" and a guy had asked her about his kids and how hard it was to watch them struggle with stuff.  She told him to let them struggle, that every time we do something for them, we disempower them to figure out stuff on their own.  I already knew this but I really needed the reminder and it helped my "part" to hear this also because I could FEEL how this part calmed down.  It was afraid that because I live here and had agreed to help my roommate AND I was already doing more than I wanted that I was going to be "stuck doing" for my roommate because she is already exhibiting a tendency to be a little needy and reluctant to ask for help when she REALLY needs it.  When I told myself that it's NOT my job to do anything for my roommate, I felt great relief in that realization.  (I have been a "rescuer" before and my part was NOT wanting to do that again).  I also understood the frustration I was having over having "dealt" with this part before and not understanding why it was coming up again.  This part has been "retired" so to speak.  It's there if I need it but it's VERY reluctant to be there for someone else.  It has enjoyed not being needed in this capacity because it's NOT a nurturing part at all.  It's very male oriented energy and it's there to give what is needed to take action to make changes for MYSELF but not to change someone else because I understand that someone else must "figure out" what actions they need to take for themselves.

This also explains why this part is SO snarky and rude in my head as it's talking to my roommate because I'm not like that to her when I do talk with her.  I have to just be OK with watching her struggle, knowing that she will find her own way just like I did.  I've told her what I'm willing to help with and I'm good with that.  It's up to her to ask for what she needs.  I have every confidence in her that she will find her way and figure things out.  I've told her what worked for me  and while we are dealing with similar issues at different times, we are different people and what worked for me may not work for her.  It's that or I move.  

I actually had the conversation with my part as I was talking to Ima because I was figuring out things as I went.  I think this part trusts me more when I'm talking to Ima because I "get" so much from our conversations.  It works both ways for us.  She really is my rock and I'm SO FRIGGING GRATEFUL FOR HER!!!! 💕😂  I'm realizing just how helpful it is for me to talk with her, not only does she remind me of things that help but as I talk with her, I hear myself and I get what I need to hear from myself that I don't always get when I try on my own.


I hope it has been helpful to read about how I deal with myself.  It's such a blessing to know so much about myself and obviously, I'm still learning.

I went on with my day and had zero thoughts about how to "fix" my roommate and actually met another doggie client that is going to work out well and I am meeting another tomorrow!  I also got  to spend some quality time with my son today and have a decent conversation with my roommate.

A great ending to a great day! 💪💜💖😊

Our Collective Purpose

Very quickly and incorporating some logic and my own personal beliefs about what Source is, I am going to tell you how I interpret what our collective purpose is.  I am going to use the pronoun "it" for simplicity since Source is BOTH female and male energies.

So, assuming that Source (God) is everywhere and everything and every one comes from Source then logically, Source cannot know itself and cannot "look in the mirror" so to speak.

In order for Source to know itself, it must "divide" itself into the many different bodies in order to experience itself and GROW.   This is what the metaphor of being a "drop in the ocean and being the ocean" is about.  We are individuals of the Same Source.  That is what it means to be ALL ONE.  No One is left out!  We are all connected by the same energy we call God, Allah, Source and whatever other label you want to use for this energy.  And not just US... all animals, plants, insects rocks etc all come from the same source as well!

Source is Spirit Infinite.  We are an individualized "version" of Source.  Our collective purpose is for Spiritual Growth and EXPANSION into different densities of Being for further expansion

I hope you will ponder this on your own and I hope it opens your eyes to a different perspective so that you see and experience everyone differently... live the Golden Rule... Love your Life!  It's all just a game we are playing together with everyone taking on different roles.  Love your neighbor, they have much to teach you.  Love your own darkness; it is there to serve you.  Know yourself so you can see what you are up to... lol

I'm going to add some links here so that you can see there are many sources that say the same thing...

This link below is an interview of the only surviving member of the UFO that crashed in Roswell, NM back in 1947.  She calls us IS-BE's

http://exopoliticshongkong.com/uploads/Alien_Interview.pdf

This next link is to channeled information from RA of "The Law of One".  It is considered one of the BEST in the field of channeled information.  It has been heavily catagorized in many different ways.  I haven't used this particular website but it looks very good source.

https://www.lawofone.info

These are the best I can do for now...

Love to All 💓

Walking Through Fear

I had such a great day today!  I challenged myself to "walk through some fear".  I'm a WUSS when it comes to the cold.  I was better with it as a kid but after living in Hawaii for 5+ years and coming back to cold winters, it's been a little rough.

What do I mean by "walking through fear"?  Well, a lot of us, myself included, stop ourselves from doing certain things, like going out when it's cold or taking the bus or any number of simple things that could possibly lead to chance encounters and/or feelings of accomplishment and confidence.

So what did that look like for me today?  Well, I have been walking dogs for money and I had a very early walk with a sweet doggy named Finn.  I had to be there @ 8AM and I was determined to save some money by not taking the bus or if I did, to get a day pass and do some errands.

When I got up @ 7AM, it was only 4 degrees outside!  Yikes!  lol  It had also snowed a bit and a was little icy in spots.  I had recently re-aquired my ski pants and snowboarding jacket that I had given to my son who has never worn either.  I got my coffee ready, bundled up and braved the outside air.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be (is it ever? lol)

I decided, to get there on time, I was going to have to take the bus which I did.  I got there right on time, walked the dog and then walked the mile and a half home.  It was ok... as long as I kept moving, I kept warm.

About a half hour after I got home, I got a call from our local radio station where I had signed up to volunteer and they wanted me for the front desk!  I jumped at the chance and ROAD MY BIKE the mile or so to get there.  I stayed about 3.5 hours and then road back through the neighborhoods to mine, parked my bike and then walked another mile to go eat and then back a mile and a half to walk another dog for an hour.  I walked over 5 miles today and it only got up to 35 or so.

I noticed, I was seeing MY numbers today (my favorite numbers) which tell me I'm on the right track.  I realized I hadn't seen them for about a week.  Seeing my numbers is significant to me.  It's a way that spirit "talks" to me and lets me know I'm on the right path.  I also see a lot of triple digits which is a "game" that the "Angels" taught Drunvalo which I will share with you.

It felt really good to walk through this particular fear.  For one thing, because it snowed yesterday and I really didn't have anywhere to go and no dogs to walk, I stayed in all day.  It definitely got to me and I felt a little stressed after being cooped up all day.  Also, becoming aware of these "little fears" and doing some of the inner work I've done had made it easier to "walk through" them and prove my limiting thoughts wrong!

Proving yourself wrong is a GOOD thing.  It shows your ego that it doesn't know everything and it's more likely to trust the Core Self to make the decisions.  Core decisions come from Love (Love of the self) and ego decisions come from fear.  Those small decisions don't necessarily have the feeling of fear associated with them except they just don't feel good.  Those are the decisions that lead to "the lesson".  They are the ones we label "mistakes".  Really, there is no wrong or bad decisions and no such thing as a mistake as long as you learn from that decision and you don't have to repeat it to "get it".  lol

I can tell you, most of my life I have allowed my lower self to stop me from "stepping through" these fears.  I have allowed myself to believe the BULLSHIT I tell myself and it has led to much isolation and loneliness.  It's only been in the last few years that I have faced these "little fears" one by one as they come up to prove myself wrong over and over again.  It's a great way to humble your self.

It's a really BIG DEAL for me to do this today.  You have no idea how much I HATE feeling cold!  lol  Since I have no car and little money for the bus, I either walk or bike which luckily, both I love to do and my area has been blessed with unusually warm weather so far.  It's going to be in the 60's Thursday and Friday!

YAY FOR ME!!!!💪💖👏😀

Numbers Game

111---  Being in the flow of energy (money, sex, on schedule?)

222---  Beginning of Ascension (a new cycle  of experience)

333---  A decision to make and it either leads to 666 or 999

444--- The middle of Ascension (the "mystery school":  look around for helpful information)

555---  Christ Consciousness (5 is the balance between 1 and 9; love energy; freedom)

666---  Completion on a physical level; the number of the carbon atom (beast); learning the lesson

777---  Personal Spiritual growth through experience; perfection (as it is)

888---  The end of Ascension (the end of the cycle of experience)

999---  Completion on a spiritual level (without the lesson ;-))

The Purpose of Anger

This is actually a continuation of the last few entries so I encourage you to read them first if you haven't yet.  I want to add here that anything you see in " ", is because the word(s) is/are either metaphorical in nature (drops in the ocean) or it is a common word used that people have a misunderstanding about (other, negative) and I'm giving it a more rounded meaning.

I called my girlfriend, Ima, back and asked her about Marshall Rosenberg's book "The Surprising Purpose of Anger", which I knew she read.  Inner guidance was urging me to read this book.  I asked her how many pages it was and she texted back 44.  I found it at my local library and started reading it online.  I got through it in just a few hours; finishing it around 5:30 in the morning after waking up at 5:00.  (Marshall Rosenberg is the founder of NVC "NonViolent Communication")

I went back to sleep, feeling sleepy from the information I had just taken in.  I dreamt about sitting at a table with 3 other people, one of whom was helping me with some "inner work".  I interrupted this person and started talking about what I didn't agree with in what I had read.  I started explaining to the two other people what I meant and they were so curious and open to what I had to say and I remember being very articulate in conveying my thoughts to them.  They were actually taking notes! lol

I woke up from the dream thinking I needed to have another conversation with Ima.  Ima is the ONE person that I can talk with about ANYTHING and it gets deep very quickly.  She is my go-to person when I need to talk about something that is bothering me or when I want to have a discussion about an idea I have or I want her input, like on this book, because I have found an inaccuracy in what I had read and this was what my dream had been about.

I had to wait to call her because she is several hours behind me and I had other things I had to do also so I didn't get to call her back until yesterday evening.

Marshall's book is very good, don't get me wrong.  I agree with everything (mostly) because he discovered through doing his own inner work that his anger was about his judgment of other people.  He gives an example of working with a man in prison as a way to illustrate how to work with someone on this.  What I also agree with is that he didn't make himself "wrong" about the violent thoughts he would have related to the anger he felt.  What was surprising to me is that he said he ENJOYED these thoughts!  I have similar thoughts but I don't necessarily enjoy them.  There is a certain ego satisfaction that I get from calling someone a name like "moron" "idiot" or "dumbass" (in my head) but it's attached to the adrenaline rush (trickle?) I get that comes with annoyance.


What I felt was missing in this work of his, from the IFS work I've done on myself, is that "other" people are a reflection (often called a "mirror") of our own state of mind.  While it may be true that the anger we feel is directly related to the thoughts we have about "others", the emotion we feel, wherever it may be on the emotional scale, would be better understood as a mis-alignment away from our TRUE selves; our Core Selves, our "god self"; not just what we are thinking about related to "others".   There really is no "other"!  Even though we have separate bodies from each other, we are all connected in the sense of being "drops in the ocean" as well as being the ocean.  We all have the same energetic Source.  Source has many names:  God, Allah, Love, Energy etc etc.  This is what gurus have said for centuries now; that we are all One.

So really, the thoughts we have of "others" are the thoughts we unconsciously have of ourselves.  The "negative" emotion we feel is how our higher Self is communicating to us the degree of our misalignment away of our True Selves.  This is why emotions are so important!  They are really our "guide" in communication of our god selves to our bodies how aligned we are or not to the Truth.  Feelings and emotions DO NOT DECEIVE!  The mind will use deception as a tool to distract us from the truth.

It's obvious to me that Marshall did not understand the fact that we are all One and he was correct in pointing out that there is a need behind the anger and that the trigger or stimulus of the anger is different than the evaluation we have of that stimulus.  Many people are unaware of the thoughts that occur between the stimulus and the evaluation.  Marshall addresses this.  We conclude (erroneously) that the stimulus is the cause of our anger when in reality it is the evaluation of the other person.

He then addresses finding the need behind the anger which then points to the fear behind the anger of the need not getting met.  Keep in mind here, the ego is the only one with "needs".  If our Core Selves has ANY need, it's to understand our selves; i.e. "Know Thyself" (Socrates).

His "mis-take", in my opinion is thinking that the "other" needs to get why we are angry.  This is where it got a little nebulous for me... what I mean is that from what I have learned, we only need to understand ourselves.  That need is projected onto "others" as, "I need you to understand why I am angry", occurs when we don't understand our own needs, fears and psychology.

I had a conversation about this with myself and this was what some of my dream was about also.  I debated with myself how (this) could work in transforming anger of someone and have a lasting effect without (them) taking responsibility of knowing themselves (saying I need the "other" to get me).

Now that Marshall is no longer with us, I can't ask him if he checked back with clients that he had worked with to see if this practice had lasting results.  I say that because even though he had done this with himself, he still had violent thoughts of what he could do to other people and from my experience, as we heal different aspects of ourselves, that transforms into visions of helping these people with the understanding that the suffering that they have experienced IS the cause of their behavioral problems.  I really got that when I understood this about myself.  The reason, "Know Thyself" is so important is that by knowing and understanding yourself, you then understand why others do what they do and you can empathize because of your own experience.  It removes the need to blame and shame because you realize they are just unaware of their own misunderstanding.

The conclusion I came to is that this is kind of a "back door" way of getting someone to connect with their feelings (Truth) and empathizing with their "victim" so to speak and having compassion for the "other" that they have hurt through their actions or words.  This is a key component to this work as Marshall mentions.  I find his way of doing this kind of practice somewhat manipulative, however, I think it works as a beginning for people who do not have the understanding that they are responsible for ALL thoughts and feelings they have.  No one likes to hear that.   They take it as they need to blame themselves and that is TOTALLY unnecessary and a waste of energy.  The word "responsibility" has been totally skewed in its definition in the minds of people and is NOT the bad word we make it!  Even the dictionary erroneously uses the word "blame" in its definition.  TRUE responsibility is without blame.  Responsibility is not the same as "fault" and it comes with a deep feeling of confidence in one's Self when it is understood properly.

Truly, from my own experience, when you fully accept yourself and all your thoughts and feelings about yourself and you forgive your self, NO ONE can hurt you because there is no longer any pain left to get "triggered".  Sadly, this is also a key component to Marshall work that is MISSING!  No where does he mention anything about forgiveness and that could be why he still had violent thoughts about "others".

Most people misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness.  It is FOR the person doing the forgiving and does NOT condone the words or actions of the person who "hurt" us.   Forgiveness allows us to release the pain that was triggered by the words/actions of the "other".  When we take it to a deeper level and realize/understand how we have personalized our trauma, we also understand that it's really only our selves we need to forgive.  To understand what I mean here, you also have to have an understanding of our overall collective purpose here.

That is what was so frustrating to me that this came up for me and that I was obviously getting triggered by what I considered was overt stupidity and unconsciousness of "others".  When I own that, I see that I'm bothered by what is still unconscious in ME!  My Self is telling me through the annoyed and irritated feelings I have that I'm out of alignment with how I'm thinking about my Self that I see/hear reflected back to my by the "other".

It was a reminder I SO needed.  I have been aware for quite some time that I had more "work" to do with myself and as I mentioned in the previous entry, I had made some errors in how I dealt with the parts associated with protecting my traumatized Self.  This part has obviously surfaced but I hadn't really connected the dots and realized that this is another "layer" of trauma, if you will, that I need to deal with.  On a positive note, the dream I had was one way that I(we) have of doing my/our inner work.  Upon awaking from my slumber, I was aware of a shift of energy that I had.  I don't think that I have completely finished with this part but I have definitely made some progress with myself and I'm hoping that this part will now trust me enough to come forward again so I can gain a greater understanding of why this part is here and what part of my Soul it is protecting.

I see the connections between everything so I encourage you to come back to read the next entry where I will talk about our purpose here as I understand it.

I also encourage comments about if you understand what I'm conveying.  I find it ironically funny that in a way, I have a similar need to be understood that Marshall had, however, the difference being that I want to be understood because I want EVERYONE to understand themselves by doing their own inner work and have the deep happiness that is possible where as the need that Marshall expressed was a superficial need for only himself to be understood so that he could have superficial "happiness".  At least that's how I understood his expression.  Seeing as he did not go any deeper than needing to be understood by the "other" and not himself.

Toodles! lol😛

ADDENDUM June 9th 2018

I meant to add this when I first wrote this piece.  FEAR is ALWAYS behind ANGER.  Anger is a call to action.  We are angry because we have NOT taken a critical action to alleviate the fear behind the anger.  All we have to do to uncover the fear is ask why we are angry and it's NEVER about the "other".  The "other" is just the trigger for anger at ourselves.  Then ask what you're afraid of.  The action that needs to be taken is one that will "walk you through the fear".  There is more to this shadow work and I've already written about it. 😉💖

Update to last 2 posts

So last night I finally got to talk with my best friend; Sister-from-another-Mister and it was such a relief to have someone JUST listen to me with their heart and not their head; to listen to understand and not respond.  She is the ONLY person I have found that I can talk to openly and candidly without feeling as if I'm being judged in any way.  I do the same for her.  We have a mutual understanding of each other and I believe this came about through our meeting at Pangaia almost 8 years ago on the Big Island.  We also participated in a medicinal plant ceremony where we truly connected.

I described to her in more detail than I put in the blog what had been going on in my head and my frustration in not making any head-way with myself as to finding out more about why this was still going on even though I got some (partial) answers.   I also found a vid made just a couple of weeks ago that explains some of this too... I could explain this myself but it's nice to find a video where someone other than me is aware of what's going on!

A side note here... talk therapy only works if you know how to listen to yourself.  It is ONLY ourselves we need to listen to whether it be our inner guidance (intuition) or our talk out loud (unconscious inner talk).

It telling her what I was experiencing, I heard myself say that I didn't want to have to explain myself to people.  That was what I needed to hear to understand that this snarky-badass didn't want to explain itself to inner me!

After getting off the phone with Ima, I started to explore a bit on my own as to why this part felt the way it did.  What I got was that this part had been doing it's "job" for a long time and was tired of it.  This part seems to be one of the first "created" in protecting my hurt Soul.  I can only guess that it's around abuse I experienced in childhood that I have yet to remember.

When I first started doing "parts work" with the Maui Forum people, I made some mistakes in telling parts I'd get back to them and then never did.  One of the reasons why it can be difficult to do this work on your own is that "life" gets in the way; the busywork we get involved with living in this society.   A job, taking care of children, eating and anything else that distracts us from just BEING with ourselves gets in the way.   This was the reason my inner guidance brought me to Hawaii to do this work; so that there we no such distractions.

I had made contact with a part that I had told I'd get back to and didn't.  This part is now frustrated and untrusting of the "me" that is trying to work with it.  I haven't appreciated the job it has done in protecting the Soul fragment that was traumatized.  It's also aware that I have been "pushing" to know what it was that happened to me without giving consideration to this part; that I have to go through "him" first.

That's as far as I got and for now, it seems like this part has calmed down because it got some attention (self love) from my Core Self and understanding.

I'm still very sensitive to my surroundings and the rising energies and violence I was watching have made me more so.  It takes me a while to become accustomed to the "upgrade" in sensitivity and forces me to open my heart more to have more compassion for my self and consequently "others".

I feel very fortunate that I do have the time to do this mental/emotional exploration and I'm more motivated to do it!  It isn't necessary to do it on your own but that's where I'm at right now.  I'm no longer working with the group in HI and I have found psychotherapists who have integrated using this model into their own practice and that is encouraging, however, I don't have the $$ to solicit anyone's help at this point.  It's OK.  I know that I can do this on my own.  We never give ourselves anything we can't handle and I wouldn't be in this position if I couldn't do it.

If this "parts work" sounds like something you want to do yourself, please read my blog entry about it.  There are people using this model as it is more effective than the "talk therapy" that has been used historically in the past.

Part of the reason I have kept out certain details of what I experience mentally is because too many people jump to conclusions of who I am, what I choose and who I choose to be and don't really understand THEMSELVES!  The project their own unconscious SHIT onto me; unaware that they are doing so.  People don't know what is in anyone else's mind except their own and they assume that everyone thinks like them when it's not true.  So I avoid the judgment that other people put on my by keeping some things to myself.  I don't really care what other people think of me because I'm aware that it's their own mental projection of how they think of themselves; I just would rather not deal with them not owning their shit and having to explain why it's THEIR shit and NOT MINE.  I own my shit and I'm proud of that; just that I own it and don't project it.  I also don't want to deal with possible repercussions of how this could affect me on a personal level with making money etc because of people's misunderstandings of me.

I guess I shouldn't be too worried, I always get what I need and so far, NO ONE has had the courage to leave me any comments on ANY of my entries.  😉🌀

Rants

I could have added so much more in my last post.  A lot of what goes through my head is in reaction to the utter STUPIDITY and UNAWARE people I see around me.  It's their oblivious behavior that sometimes gets to me.  My reactions are always how to educate or "fix" people.  I'm so OVER the bullshit I hear and see from people.  Just as an example... I've been working to rent out an apartment for my roommate and there was one person who came to look at it that had to ask me if dogs were allowed when it said right in the ad that they were not!  I just wanna fucking slap those people who don't pay attention and have to ask about the obvious.  I experience this almost daily!  There are also people who, for whatever reason, feel the need to repeat themselves about stuff that I really don't need to hear and their information is personal in nature.  Give me a fucking break!  I'm over the people that don't want to "do the work" for anything whether it's just educating themselves about the kind of dog they have so that the dog's needs are taken care of properly to allowing someone who doesn't live in their body to tell them how to be healthy.  People have become complacent and "followers" instead of being their own leader.  They would rather give over their power to a total stranger than do the work that would empower them to lead themselves.

What else?  how about the slow decline I've seen over the years where money has become more important than people.  I see this happening more and more and when it's affecting me, I call it out!  I'm DONE holding my tongue and not saying anything to people who act like fucking idiots because they unconsciously choose to live in fear, hold onto lack consciousness and choose to be assholes to each other!  The "customer is always right" is no longer true.  People now value their material possessions, money and tech more than their personal interactions with people.  I feel sorry for the "millennial" generation that didn't grow up with all this tech that only distracts them from what is real.  They wander around glued to their phones because their good feelings come from how many "likes" they get on facecrack instead of feeling good that they did something for someone else other than themselves.  This is because they are insecure and their search for security erroneously comes from outside of themselves.

Or how about the person who says they are "spiritual" and talk the talk but don't walk the walk?  People think that just because they do yoga and meditate that they are "spiritual".  Well, you know what makes you "spiritual"?  REALIZING YOU ARE GOD AND LIVING FROM THAT SPACE.  It's educating yourself on the spiritual laws (Truth) that we are always using but most use by default.  It's waking up to the TRUTH that we are all ONE and what that really means.   It's realizing that we have been LIED to about EVERYTHING and then spreading that truth to others.  Be in service to yourself FIRST and then be in service to "others".  If you find yourself trying to "fix" or "rescue" someone else, then you have more work to do.  We're not here to "save" each other.  Rescuing someone other than yourself is disempowering to the other and is really a lack of trust that they can do it on their own.  It's not loving at all.  When you do "save yourself" you realize how true this is and you no longer feel the need to do it.  We all have the capacity to save ourselves from ourselves (our own ego).  Sometimes we do need a "hand-up" but not a "hand-out".   Doing the work for someone else is not really help.  Wait until people actually ask for help before you give your two cents.  No one's path is like another's.  We may use some of the same tools and that's why we do run into people who have answers for us but it's still up to us to do our own work whatever that looks like.

That's only a small portion of the bullshit I see daily.  And people wonder why I'd rather be alone... even when I'm able to have compassion for people's ignorance, I would still rather be alone!

I want to be clear here; even though I go through this in my head, I still make the choice to take the "higher road".  I can call people on their shit without letting the bitch do it.  Most of the time, I don't say anything because it's not affecting me and it's not my business.  I would rather not be in someone else's business anyway.  My life is drama free and I like to keep it that way.  I have to have lots of talks with myself to get past my feelings about the inequality and downright ignorance I see and I get through it.

I don't judge myself about any of this either because it's NOT wrong to think or feel ANYTHING.  It's what we do with it that counts.  The choices we make are what shape our reality.  Remember that!💓😉🙈🙉🙊 

Let's Be Real

When I was with the Maui Forum group back a few years ago, the other members got somewhat upset with me for just sharing the "teacher" side of my self.  While it was an open forum and we were allowed to talk about whatever we wanted, most if not all of the members chose to air/share their personal "stuff".  I suppose it was that I was unconsciously afraid to be vulnerable to this group of strangers and talk about my own stuff.  I was more interested in "helping" others at that point; an unconscious need to help myself.  I saw it as a platform to either stand on my "soapbox" or share what I thought I knew about how to heal; what had worked for me thus far.  At what I felt like was great personal risk, I shared and it ended up being (eventually) one of the most cathartic shifts in the healing of my Self.  I share that now, because I realize after re-reading my own posts and taking note of how many other people have read them, the one that got the most reads was actually the one called "Sadness" followed up by two about compassion and love.  I think people are more interested in knowing that I go through my shit just like they do... 💩💣💜

I realize that my blog has taken on the flavor of the "teacher" so I thought I might open up again to reveal the Human side of my self once again. 👿

This last week or so has been tough mentally and emotionally for me.  I have been aware of a really nasty side of myself has decided it needed some attention.  I think what triggered it, honestly, was watching a show on Netflix that has ended up being WAY too violent to watch.  I started watching it because of the time travel/future premise and also all the tech that is being revealed through that show.  I found myself getting wrapped up in the story, on the edge of my seat, but upset by the storyline also.  I was torn between the supposed "good guy"cops doing their job to protect the city from violence and the supposed "bad guys" who were trying to rid the future of the strangle-hold that corporations had through technology.  It was really the "bad guys" I sided with but hated that they chose to use violence to make their point even though the thread of non-violence was there also.  The show is called "Continuum" if you're curious.  Be very careful if you decide to watch it.

My mind started to create these "scenarios" in my head where if anyone gave me any shit about ANYTHING, I wanted to beat the crap out of them!  I wasn't actually going through this in real life with anyone but my mind would "futurize" about an upcoming interaction I would have and come up with the worst case scenario about it where I have to defend myself in some way or just stand up for myself.  I have learned behavior patterns from my youth that I learned from a parent that was verbally and emotionally abusive to me so I can have this streak of snarkyness and flat-out rudeness.  I can also be very blunt.  If I feel stressed in any way, it is somewhat difficult for me to curb my mouth.  I have to really watch what I want to say to people to avoid being this side of myself.  😈 I'm thinking that the planetary alignments have not been helping either from what Kaypacha says in his weekly Pele Report.

When I noticed what was happening, at first I just let it be there because that's what I've learned to do with my lower self.  It's just trying to protect me by assuring me through the envisioning of the "worst-case scenario" that it's got my back although, realistically I don't know that I would be able to follow through on some of the stuff my mind makes up!  That is also NOT who I choose to BE.  It's difficult to accept that being nasty is how my ego is determining how I should deal with people when I know better and Love is what heals.

I realized after a few days of this that it wasn't subsiding and that, it was actually getting worse.  I noticed I was in a space that was only allowing me to see what I perceived as "wrong" with people.  I wasn't able to see anything that I could appreciate about people which is usually where I'm at.  I may still see stuff about people that I don't like but I can laugh it off because I know that where other people are at i.e. their behaviors doesn't have to affect me.  Telling myself that, "People are doing the best they can do with what they have" wasn't working. 😩

I had been watching the previous week a series on Gaia TV that David Wilcock hosts called "Wisdom Teachings" and I was about half-way through season 27 about Ascension and the Solar Flash.   I decided to stop watching Continuum and pick up where I left off with season 27.  The very next episode talked about "The Hero's Journey".  I described exactly what I was going through, only with just myself.  The Hero's Journey is a common theme in a lot of movies where the protagonist has to face some part of himself portrayed by the "villain" in order to succeed, save the girl etc.  I had actually asked myself what the hell was going on and that's when I was inspired to start watching David's videos again.

I have actually been through many of these "Hero's Journeys" with myself and each time I can see where I'm testing myself.  I'll actually get a "warning" by seeing 333 that I'll have a decision to make and it's almost always a small choice that will have a big impact like "turning the cheek" vs. telling someone to fuck off!  lmao  Most of the time I'm aware that I'm in that moment but sometimes my mouth and ego get the better of me and I pay the price.

Before I watched David on Gaia again, I was also aware that I was having a hard time having compassion for other people as well as myself.  When I saw the "Hero's Journey" episode and I understood that that is where I was at, it made it easier to have that compassion I needed for this part of myself that just wanted to protect me.  I also had to admit to myself that I am sometimes very frustrated with people when they are unconscious of how their actions are affecting the people around them or they seem not to care.  As I rise in vibration from doing this inner work that I do, I notice a greater contrast in attitudes in myself as well as those around me.

And it's not just attitudes that I'm frustrated with... it's how long this cycle is taking to conclude and I mean where we finally have  FULL DISCLOSURE and the TRUTH about all the greed, ritual abuse, human trafficking and pedophilia etc is finally exposed and the people (cabal; those who call themselves "elite") behind all of it are taken out of the way for the release of all the technology that has been suppressed and held back from us as well as all of the money that has been stolen from us through illegal taxation!  I want it over with already!  I want people to STOP being so FUCKING ignorant and WAKE THE FUCK UP!!! 😖

Well, it's happening, just a little too damn slow for me.  I'm already there and I'm waiting for the rest to catch up.  I do understand why this IS taking so long and why it's being done the way it is.  That's a whole 'nother blog entry!

All that said, I am also aware that this impatience I feel is also impatience with myself.  Impatience knowing that I still have this snarky badass that is still left to be re-integrated with the rest of my ego parts.  That also means I have a piece of my soul that has yet to be healed.  I know what that's about and that's also another blog entry.  😉

Maybe my anger and frustration would have come through better had I written this a few days ago when I was going through it.  I'm actually (mostly) on the other side of it already.   As soon as I asked what was going on, I  got my answer and I accepted it, I felt the compassion for my self (ego) and the feelings I had had and they disappeared on their own but I had to sit with them for a bit while I struggled with the scenarios my mind created around how to deal with people.

I have to laugh because it turned into another chance to teach but I know that's part of the reason I'm here.

I'm very happy that the work I've done on myself has strengthened my will to choose the person I'd rather be (lead from heart) rather than from ego (being a snarky badass).  That has not always been true but from my own experience, I KNOW behaviors can change, people just have to want to change.  💖💪👽😄

Misunderstandings of Psychopathic and Narcissistic Behavior

First of all, let me be clear; my intention in sharing my perspective on these behavior patterns is to inform, enlighten and educate from my own personal experience.  I am only my OWN expert of my OWN psychology.  I don't pretend to know all the answers, know what others have been through or know the path of anyone else.  That said, having done my own "inner work" I do have a pretty good understanding of how behaviors become pathological and that people DO and CAN change.  They just have to want to.  They have to be WILLing to do their own "inner work".

My experience came from being in a relationship with a man who displayed these behaviors.  It wasn't until he finally left that I started to question what had happened to me in this relationship and those questions led me to Maui where I found a group of people (The Maui Forum) that I got involved with who were also doing research on self healing.  It was these people that found IFS which I talk about in a previous post.  You can find many books about it here.  I personally recommend "Self Therapy" by Jay Earley PhD.  This book is a self guide to doing the inner work I talk about based on the work of Richard C. Schwartz.

I say that these behaviors are misunderstood because THEY ARE.  I'm talking about the average person who, because they may or may not have had contact with people who use the strategies associated with the behavior don't understand that they are merely PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR and STRATEGIES for getting needs met.  They assume that people are their behaviors and this is simply not true.  If you are unaware of what the markers of this behavior are, see a good source here. I encourage you to click on all the links in the article to further educate yourself.  Gary is a great writer.

I'm dismayed by the attitudes people choose to have about people who suffer from these behaviors!  They would rather push away and not deal with these people at all.  I don't blame people for that at all; I understand that but in not KNOWING YOUR SELF (your lower or ego self) this is exactly what we do to our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors that we aren't willing to deal with in ourselves!  It's because we don't take the time to "KNOW THYSELF" that we don't understand all of these behaviors and where they come from.  It was only through doing my own inner work that I understood that WE ALL have ALL of the archetypes, and behaviors available to us to use, they are just not all activated in every one of us for various reasons.  It was through accepting that I have used some of these behaviors like manipulation and entitlement to get what I thought I needed that I was able to accept the behavior that my previous partner had used with me to get what he needed.  It is probably wise that if you don't have this understanding and aren't able to come to a place of compassion for these people that you DO get away from someone who displays a lack of empathy, understanding and/or narcissistic behavior before they drain you of energy.

Love and Compassion IS what will heal these people as well as addressing some of the chemical imbalances that may be present.  While I don't use allopathic medicine myself, some of the drugs available do work to correct these imbalances; however, I think this is a short term "fix" as I do not really believe in allopathic medicine because it does not treat the whole person, just the symptoms and to me, ALL pharmaceutical are POISON.  I ONLY advocate taking that path if you are already on it.  That said, there have been many strides made using psylocybin (mushrooms) that have been shown to produce a "reset" for the emotional body and help with depression.  See the article here.

Much of this detrimental behavior is LEARNED.  Again, this is NOT who people are.  Behavior can and does change.  In dealing with my former partner, I saw evidence that he was aware of his own behavior but didn't know what to do about it and at the time, I did not have the wisdom to help him that I have now.  Let's be real here... there are some people who enjoy the hurt they inflict on others through this behavior but this hasn't always been true for them.

It starts with going through some kind of traumatic event, usually as children and from there events unfold, behaviors are learned, adopted and acted upon.  It is all very personal and it takes facing these parts of ourselves that have been traumatized to understand how it all happens.  This is the "inner work" that I advocate.  It's a direct approach to healing the psyche.  We have been taught and led to believe that the "ego" is bad, a demon and needs to die etc.  This couldn't be further from the truth!  Having that perception of yourself is exactly what keeps you in your own pathology!  Our ego is our protector, it just goes a little overboard sometimes in doing its "job".  Varying degrees of insecurity trigger the ego into its thought process.  Healing insecurity comes when you KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

The key to understanding the pathologies and behaviors in other people, it starts with understanding our own.  I can't emphasize enough to KNOW YOURSELF!  That was a thread in the movie "The Matrix".  That was what the plaque said above the kitchen door of the Oracle and the advice she gave to Neo.  Be brutally honest with yourself so you cannot be deceived by your self anymore and tackle your own issues head on.  There are many ways to doing this and it will be unique for every individual.  TRUST that given you really want a better relationship with your self, you will be guided by your OWN inner guidance.  We all have it but most of us ignore it.  You will be amazed with what you learn about yourself!  Be patient and compassionate with yourself.  The goal of doing the "inner work" is to find and live from the part of our Selves that is REAL and TRUE.  We are Love and we are ALL ONE.

I have found that by doing my own inner work, I not only understand my self better, I understand other people, have more compassion for them and I'm less likely to be deceived by them.  I also am no longer insecure because I know who I AM.  Doing this work not only helps our selves, but also helps the collective consciousness so that others find their way on this path.

How would I handle pathological and /or narcissistic behavior from someone?  Well, it's all going to depend on each individual situation and where I'm at with my self.  Mostly, I would just walk away with a smile on my face because I know I can't change anyone and that's the best thing I can do in the moment.  I know better than to engage them.  I might ask them if this is really who they choose to be and then walk away or, if I'm in a mood that I'm not going to put up with any shit, I have thoughts of telling them to fuck off but I never actually say that to people.  I allow myself to think it and I appreciate that the part of me that has that thought but it's my freedom of my Will to choose whether I act on the thought or not.

SO:  Educate yourself on this behavior so that you know what you're dealing with if you happen to engage with people who display this kind of behavior; you will be helping them immensely whether you know it or not; however, protect yourself and GET AWAY FROM THEM!  They WILL drain you of not just your energy but whatever it is they think they can get from you.  Don't feel sorry for them.  Sympathy is not the same as compassion and keeps people in their stagnant energy.    Compassion sees where they are and gives them the energy to make a change.  Don't try to "rescue" them!  They are most likely unconscious of their behavior.  The best thing you can do is leave them alone to deal with their own stuff.  That is showing them that you Love yourself enough to not allow yourself to be used. They WILL get it sooner or later and hopefully ask for help.  That is what I had to do with my last partner.  I felt so drained of energy that I didn't know what else to do.  I so believed that he was my "twin" and we were "supposed" to be together and given my own insecurities, it was very hard for me to do this but I did and I am better for it.  I found my way and he has to find his own way.  We CANNOT fix, rescue or heal anyone else.  We all MUST do it for ourselves if we are to feel empowered, confident and lead ourselves with the Love that we are.

ADDENDUM 2/3/18

I was reminded with reading this article here that EVERYONE is an empath and those who we label psychopathic have just turned theirs off.  They turn it off because, in my experience of my last partner, the pain of the often horrific trauma they have gone through gets triggered when they are around other people in pain and they just can't handle it!  They shut down.  However, as Josh says in the article, "But then Keysers asked his psychopathic volunteers to consciously empathise, and something very different happened: their brain responses were identical to the control group’s (Trends in Cognitive Science, vol 18, p 163). In other words, even if your default empathy state is “off”, you can turn it on when desired. That was an eye-opener, says Keysers: “It seemed clear that a spectrum of empathy could exist in all individuals.”  They DO have the capacity to turn it back on.  They just have to want to.  Behaviors become pathological because the strategies employed WORK.  When you do not KNOW YOUR SELF (your ego self) then you are unaware that you are even using a strategy to get a need met.  It becomes a rut, a habit and we start to think this is who we are.  But somewhere inside, we DO KNOW that we are NOT really like this.  

I watched a 60 Minutes segment about a guy who helped start the "skinhead" or White Supremacist Group and in the middle of beating the shit out of a guy, he made eye contact with him and he just STOPPED.  It took him a few years but now he has an active role in helping to STOP something he helped start.  He has constant threats made on his life.  You can watch or read about it here.  Another example that when people put their mind to it, they can and DO change! 😊