Quick Update

I have to interrupt the current story for a really cool newsflash!😄💖

I will be brief.  I am having a very clear experience of how changing ones thoughts (perspective) about something or someone can really shift the whole situation overnight!

I have a new client that is very desperate for help and just after a few days, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue.  There is a lot I really appreciate about her like how organized she is and that my work there is never hard or dirty.  She keeps up with everything very well.  She's patient, trusts that I know what I'm doing and generous.  There was also something I couldn't put my finger on kind of thing that was bugging me.

I had some explorative conversations with my housemates as to what could be going on (with HER of course😂) as to why I was feeling what I was feeling.  I realized later that while it was still helpful to a degree, it still cast more of a negative light on her that was all assumptions.

That night I recognized that I was trying to rescue her and also that I was afraid of facing myself!  She herself, is a "rescuer".  It's not a bad thing, it's a misdirection of energy that should be going towards one's self instead of being projected outward.  I had succumbed to her dominant energy of needing to be rescued and part of me wanted to fulfill that!

She needs so much help that she's been unable to keep up with her work.  Of course, I have my own ideas about what is going on but that's beside the point.  The point being that after I saw what my ego was doing, I realized I can let her stuff (whatEVER it may be) be her stuff, offer help and wait to be asked and therefore let it go and not spend any of my mental energy "fixing" her problems in my head.

The next day, it was a totally different experience!  She wasn't stressed and I was actually happy to be there whereas the day before I felt a mild dread of going.  The next day was the same joyful experience.  Now I feel like I'm in service to her rather than feeling some (resentment maybe?) at going because I saw her as being "needy".  Now I'm more like her guardian angel in the flesh and happy to help.

Part of me wants to give her more of my time than I feel I should.  I'm hyper aware that I need to keep all of my activities in balance.  I have not had this level of activity in my life since 2017 when I stopped driving the taxi.  I'm doing very well, I think, juggling everything I have going on.😁💪💖

Longer than expected but I felt the need to add some detail so you get what I'm saying.  I changed HOW I was seeing her and THAT was what changed "the movie".  I wonder if I may have jumped a time-line doing that! 😲💞😎

 

Update to "Empowerment"

Well, it's been a little over 6 weeks since my initial "outburst".  For details read the previous post.

I have something to add to the list of things/behaviors that have changed since that time.

I'm noticing that I'm not creating "scenarios" in my head of how to deal with someone/a situation anymore!  This was very annoying and troublesome for me ESPECIALLY since the whole "virus thing" started.  

It would help you to understand what I'm talking about by reading other posts but basically, the part of me (protector[ego]) that was protecting a VERY traumatized part of my Soul that was present when my life was threatened at knife point (literally!) when I was 6.

I believe that's when this part of my ego separated from the MAIN part of my ego personality to protect this child part. 

What I had been noticing for a LONG time is that if I had to go out and interact with the public and there was even the SLIGHTEST chance that I'd have to deal with some idiot asking me where my mask was, my mind would create the scene in my mind so it could work out what I was going to say/do if the occasion occurred.  

Thankfully, the occasion rarely occurred because, in my mind, I could be rather ruthless and unkind as to how I would handle people (remember, this part was created because I'D HAD MY LIFE THREATENED!  This part sees EVERYONE as a potential threat to my security/safety and handles them accordingly.  It thinks that violence is the way even though acting that way is completely in opposition to who I CHOOSE to BE/ACT.) I also noticed that when the occasion DID occur, I always handled myself from a place of compassion (most of the time).  Thank GOD (and myself😇) events never unfolded as it did in my mind.  

It took me a couple of weeks but I am noticing that I'm not doing the scenario thing in my head anymore!!!  This is HUGE for me.  It didn't stop overnight... it was a gradual thing.  It kind of faded into the background... sort of.  

I have been practicing inner work related to something called IFS (Internal Family System).  Basically, we all have an internal (mind) family of different ego parts that have all been created to protect parts of our Soul that splintered off as a result of being present during a traumatizing moment.  How many we have is all personal.  The mechanisms and behaviors are the same, just the traumas and content of such is personal to each of us.

In reading Jay Earley's book "Self Therapy", I learned about my own IFS.  At the start of getting to know all my parts I made a HUGE mistake.  I was communicating with the very part that is finally free of it's "job" and my mistake was in telling it I would get back to it and I took WAY too long to do it.  This part learned not to trust me and the compassion I shared with it.  

I was working with a group at the time and brand new to "the work" so at the time, I didn't realize what I was doing.  It's not like I did it on purpose... I had precious little time with this group to do the "getting to know your parts" part. 

It took many years (I started in 2013 with IFS) and a little intuitive work to realize what was going on.  I was noticing that it didn't matter how much compassion I showed to this particular part, it did not believe that I really cared because of my delay and it didn't believe that compassion was going to make a difference or help in any way to heal the part it was protecting.  

It's believed, in IFS work, that it's necessary to work with the protector part first before getting any access to the traumatized Soul part.  

I knew that if I was going to make any headway with either part, I was going to have to do something different.  I remember in reading Jay's second book (that I helped edit for understanding) that invariably, our traumatized parts eventually resurface because they often get re-traumatized.  They don't stay behind the wall, curtain or in the "box" where they are hid away because they are the parts of us that are here to EXPERIENCE.  So how are we to experience Life from behind a wall?

I have been aware for a few years now of the work of Delores Cannon who pioneered QHHT... Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique.   Almost a year ago now, I ask myself how I could help myself better with a different technique of healing.

Well, on whim, I went to visit a friend and wouldn't you know, about 5 other people showed up at the same time to visit him and one of these people gave me the name of someone she knows that uses this technique in her healing practice!  So, back in June of last year, I had my session with her.  At first, I was unclear if I had really made any progress with myself.  I did not go as deep as some people do where they wake up and don't remember anything they said.  I remembered everything!  

I know now, in using hindsight, that IT DID WORK!  I was able to circumvent the protector part and heal the Soul part with the QHHT work.  What FINALLY convinced the protector part that compassion really works and to eventually let go of it's "job" is the Love and Compassion I received from the people I live with in an event that could have (seemingly) been the end of my good fortune with these people that I described in the post previous to this one.  

I feel it's VERY important that anyone who is familiar with IFS and practicing this modality with themselves,if they have had a similar problem that I just talked about, there is another way to help yourself.  I can't say that it will be QHHT for YOU, that's what it was for me.  Everyone is going to have their own path to practicing IFS.  And there is ALWAYS more than one way to deal with things/parts/people!  💖💗😍😁

I have also noticed that my new "freedom" is a double edged sword!  While I am no longer in any fear of expressing myself, I can do so rather ungracefully.  😝  This part is still getting used to it's new found freedom of expression because this part is tied to my throat chakra which I can FEEL does not have a "filter" anymore.  I can FEEL the personal power I have achieved as a result of the healing I've done.  

This protector part didn't give up it's "job" overnight either.  It took some time to realize that the little girl that was threatened when she was six wasn't suffering anymore.  I have yet to realize what gifts either of these parts have besides realizing that the fear I've had of self expression is GONE!  I'm sure I'll have more to write about later...😄💪💖👍

 

EMPOWERMENT!!💖

This is just SO COOL!  I have to share this as an example of how, through what my roomie calls "strength through vulnerability" I empowered myself and entered a higher frequency!

Last Thursday, I made, what looked like at the time, a mistake by watching a video that a young Mom made about how she was now, instead of only paying $60, under Trump, for necessary insulin for her child was now paying $368 for the same box of insulin (and that was WITH a coupon!) under Biden's new administration.  THEN, if that wasn't enough, I then went and watched a video of the pile-up of cars on black ice that happened in Fort Worth, Texas.  

I LOST it... I was in tears because I knew that when I saw that Semi hit the parking lot of cars on the highway that someone had died.  This truck was going at FULL SPEED and couldn't slow down.  I share this so you understand the impact it had on me.  

A few days later, I realized why I had had this reaction (and not before in watching similar videos).  I have been following a guy who goes by MilSpecOpsMonkey (Monkey Werx) on YT and he happened to mention that his one of his friends had been one of the six people that died in that pile-up.  (a piece of the puzzle of "understanding") When he shared that, I realized that in watching HIM in his videos, I had made an empathic connection with him and that's why I broke down in tears.

After I composed myself and went upstairs, I found my roomies (all three) in light banter and laughing over something that at the time, I found utterly rediculous because my mind was still on the young Mom in tears over the now high price of insulin.  

When they finally acknowledged me and asked me how I was doing, I told them what I had just seen while holding back on my judgment that they were not aware of the CRISIS unfolding under the Biden administration. (We are on OPPOSITE sides of this fence... I LOVE Trump and they HATE him, so, RIGHT NOW, they are happy that Biden is the ACTING "president" lol)  Little do they know...😏😉

Then, out of nowhere, I said something that I immediately regretted.  I said, "... and I hate that I live with people who voted for that ASSHOLE!"😬

Well, you might imagine what THAT may have brought up!😳  It was upsetting to say the least, however, being the loving people that they are, we then went into discussion about it.  Let me just say that it ended with hugs and then me kicking their ASSES at dominoes!  😂 

I spent the next couple of days doing some "inner work" around my outburst.  That looked like, asking where that comment had come from, how long had it been there (and I had ignored it) and generally, having a conversation with the part of myself this had come from.  

Saturday morning came and the two housemates that are married to each other were going through some of their "stuff" in the kitchen and I had come upstairs to get my tea, check on the fire and do some personal things while overhearing what was going on.  

I couldn't help but think, as I listened intently, that I was picking up on some elements of their argument that were being missed by one of the two. 

I waited for an opportune moment to interject and asked if they were open to my insights and they both agreed rather eagerly.  Details aside, I spent the next two hours, still in the kitchen, helping to dissect the argument from a neutral perspective (no taking sides was the agreement) using NVC and my own personal experience with "parts work" that they were both familiar with.  That, also, ended with hugs all around and a palpable "level up" in vibration that affected everyone.  

When our third housemate finally came out of hiding in his cave, I took the opportunity to share with the crew the insights I had gleaned doing my own "parts work" around my regrettable outburst.  

I started to explain that while there was a very small part of me that felt like this, it wasn't true for the overall majority of my self.  I also recognized that in mediating their argument, I found myself to be super focused, actively listening and engaged with the "mediator" INFP(J) type personality(ies) that I am.  (I am MOSTLY and INFJ [advocate] but I fluctuate between a J and a P, which is the Mediator.)

Quite often, I don't get all the answers I'm looking for when I'm doing my "inner work" on my own.  I get answers as I talk with other people who engage in active listening so I can hear myself and I realized as I was sharing with them my insights that this had been the "acid test" if you will, to find out if I could really depend on these people for safety, security and acceptance.  

This part that needed to express itself had been unable to and had used this particular opportunity to do so while "testing the waters".  I am mostly self reliant.  The only things I rely on this couple for is a place to live and the car when I need it.  Other than that, I do everything else for myself.  I work for myself, I'm my own "doctor" (not dentist unfortunately) and my own best friend.  This part also needed to know it was loved by others as well as myself.  Getting the love and acceptance from my housemates was what allowed this part to relax and open me up to a whole new level of communication!

Other things I noticed was an increase in my ability to articulate my thoughts, less pause between connected thoughts and just an overall "level up" in my communication skills! 💪😊  Yippee!  I was also noticing this in other conversations I was having with different people.  

Watching those videos opened the door for this protective part to come to the surface (I cried and it showed up) and then successfully express its self and be completely accepted by people who may or may not have had the capacity to do that.  I think, though, that there IS some awareness of this part that there is that capacity there because the people I live with have gone through similar "parts work" sessions in therapy and have also practiced NVC (non-violent communication) as have I.  

I've discovered that this protective part of my ego is connected directly to my communication center!  (Throat Chakra) I now have more confidence in speaking my truth and know that while this part can be (a bitch?) If I do happen to express myself less than eloquently, I know I'll be accepted still.

I'm quite happy with "the new and improved me".  Maybe this is exactly the situation I needed to allow for the confidence that was created in the wake of what could have been an awful situation that, instead, was allowed to bloom into something we all benefited from.💗👏

Why You Want to Save Yourself

We all, at one time or another, have all chosen to be victims.  I have definitely gone through it myself.  It was part of the reason why I got together with my last committed relationship.  

It was 2010 and I had convinced myself that the proverbial shit was going to hit the fan very soon and Trump wasn't even in office yet!  😝 I remember having a thought that I wanted to be with someone who could grow their own food as I am NOT, in the slightest, interested in farming! lol  I was living in Hawai'i at the time and Monsanto was becoming a very big issue over there.  I was worried about our food supply.  As I think back, I think I was getting more of a warning from my Higher Self rather than a reason to commit myself to a severely traumatized individual who acted like a complete narcissist most of the time.

I realize that from an early age, I was brainwashed into thinking this way having bought into the whole "Disney" narrative that women are weak and need to be saved by a Man.  You can see this theme in most of their animated movies like "Snow White", "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty".  This list goes on.  I'm sure you could think of a few on your own.😉

Let's be real here, while it may feel romantic to be swept off your feet by a handsome Prince, how often does that REALLY happen?👎😆  It's a subtle but very powerful technique (one of many) employed by "others" that wish to dis-empower us, steal our energy and devour our soul by convincing us we are "victims who need saving".  It does not matter who is behind this; only that you recognize it for what it is and that you shed that consciousness in favor of feeling empowered.

Why would you want to do that?  Well, I can say from experience that it feels much better to know that I am NOT a victim, that I don't need anyone to "save" me because I learned how to do that for myself and by doing so, I reap the benefits from it like having the confidence to take bigger risks because I have stretched my comfort zone, I have a greater connection to my intuition and I lead MYSELF rather than being led by someone else.

Everything that happens to me is of my own making and taking responsibility for it actually feels better than to convince myself "it's someone else's fault".  That's what the "victim" says.  

When we save ourselves, we are saving ourselves from our own ego that says we can't do something or denies responsibility and points to someone else.  Those "others" are really reflections of the different archetypes of our own ego that have been activated.  When we are faced or confronted by these "others", we are getting an opportunity to see something within ourselves that needs our love and support to heal.  

I know it seems like giving love to our ego would only exacerbate it's "bad" behavior but I can tell you, it doesn't.  These parts (archetypes) of ourselves calm down and behave better by dropping the "bad behavior" because they are receiving the attention they want from OUR OWN SOURCE OF LOVE.  This is the essence of Self Love... sharing our own compassion with our ego. 

When we love our ego, we are not condoning our "bad behavior" we are recognizing the need being expressed to be accepted and loved for it's role in our life.  I have found when I started doing this, I was not confronted as often or at all by "others" projecting their own needs onto me.  I stopped seeing as much "negativity" outside of myself unless I chose to put my attention on it.

This is how the world outside of us changes in reflection to the world inside of us.  As we "do our work" and express more compassion and understanding to our ego, it creates more harmony inside that is reflected outside. 

I got off on a tangent there but the point is to feel better.  It does not feel good to be a "victim who needs saving".  This is demonstrated in subtle ways and it takes a desire to recognize this and drop it by taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in our lives.  It may not seem like that would feel better but it does.  Taking responsibility is different than blaming ourselves.  Blame is still victimhood.  

The point is to pay attention to how we feel.  If thinking or doing something does not feel good then STOP!  Just stop.👮  

We have been programmed to discount our feelings, believe that feeling bad is somehow going to motivate us to change ourselves and look outside of ourselves for all of our answers.  I call BULLSHIT on ALL of that!  

Our feelings are our direct connection to our OWN SOURCE, we have a birthright to feeling GOOD and we only give ourselves the challenges that we can handle!  It's time that we wake up to all the bullshit that takes our energy and dis-empowers us whether that's coming from our own ego or someone else.  All that is required is a desire to do so.  

If you continue to choose victim consciousness, you give your personal power away by putting the onus on "others" to "fix" your life when you are perfectly capable of making positive life changes on your own.  Besides, you may not be happy with what someone else does so it makes no sense to leave what is your responsibility to someone else.

I'm not trying to shame anyone here and there is nothing (REALLY) wrong with temporarily adopting this kind of mentality.  It is part of our experience of duality for how do you know if you have or feel what you want if you first (or eventually) don't have the opposite experience?  This is the purpose of contrasting experiences.  The trick is not to get to comfortable with it and therefore dependent on "others" to keep you happy.  Only YOU can create your own happiness.  It's very easy to get addicted to the attention you get from being a victim but this is it's own trap.

Most of the time we have to get the "end of our rope" with ourselves or just feel so bad that we finally "give in" or surrender and that allows us to receive the guidance from within or through others that we trust to rise to the occasion to release victim consciousness.  You don't have to wait until you reach the bottom of the barrel so-to-speak.  You can make a conscious choice to Rise NOW.💓😊💪

Addendum 10/29/19

I meant to give, as an example, the short version of the story of the professor that helped the butterfly out of its chrysalis.  Basically, because the butterfly had gotten help (from the outside) to exit its self imposed "prison", it never learned how to fly.  The struggle IS what gives us our empowerment, that stretches our comfort zone and gives us the confidence and courage to keep going.  

Going through the birth canal is the first "struggle" that we encounter.  I believe that we do our children a great disservice by performing cesarean births on the Mother.  Just look at the root word; Cesar!  Cesar was a tyrant who subjugated and victimized his population.  (yes, there are certain circumstances that require cesarean birth but it is very much overused!)

The moral of the story is, by claiming the "victim" attitude and demanding that someone "save us", we are asking the professor to help us out of our chrysalis.  How are we to feel empowered and learn to fly if we take this path?  by negating our own struggle (the challenges we give ourselves) we give our personal power away without ever realizing it... that we even HAVE IT!  lol  I laugh at the irony here.  Going through the struggle and coming out the other side is what helps us realize that power.  This is why taking responsibility takes back our own power.  Our personal power (applied) is what is needed to overcome the ego; to MASTER it. 

One final note:  People don't have ANY power over you unless you GIVE it to them!  And REALLY, power over someone else is an illusion, an ego trip. 😉

Rants

I could have added so much more in my last post.  A lot of what goes through my head is in reaction to the utter STUPIDITY and UNAWARE people I see around me.  It's their oblivious behavior that sometimes gets to me.  My reactions are always how to educate or "fix" people. I'm so OVER the bullshit I hear and see from people.  Just as an example... I've been working to rent out an apartment for my roommate and there was one person who came to look at it that had to ask me if dogs were allowed when it said right in the ad that they were not!  I just wanna fucking slap those people who don't pay attention and have to ask about the obvious.  I experience this almost daily!  There are also people who, for whatever reason, feel the need to repeat themselves about stuff that I really don't need to hear and their information is personal in nature.  Give me a fucking break!  I'm over the people that don't want to "do the work" for anything whether it's just educating themselves about the kind of dog they have so that the dog's needs are taken care of properly to allowing someone who doesn't live in their body to tell them how to be healthy.  People have become complacent and "followers" instead of being their own leader.  They would rather give over their power to a total stranger than do the work that would empower them to lead themselves.

What else?  how about the slow decline I've seen over the years where money has become more important than people.  I see this happening more and more and when it's affecting me, I call it out!  I'm DONE holding my tongue and not saying anything to people who act like fucking idiots because they unconsciously choose to live in fear, hold onto lack consciousness and choose to be assholes to each other!  The "customer is always right" is no longer true.  People now value their material possessions, money and tech more than their personal interactions with people.  I feel sorry for the "millennial" generation that didn't grow up with all this tech that only distracts them from what is real.  They wander around glued to their phones because their good feelings come from how many "likes" they get on facecrack instead of feeling good that they did something for someone else other than themselves.  This is because they are insecure and their search for security erroneously comes from outside of themselves.

Or how about the person who says they are "spiritual" and talk the talk but don't walk the walk?  People think that just because they do yoga and meditate that they are "spiritual".  Well, you know what makes you "spiritual"?  REALIZING YOU ARE GOD AND LIVING FROM THAT SPACE.  It's educating yourself on the spiritual laws (Truth) that we are always using but most use by default.  It's waking up to the TRUTH that we are all ONE and what that really means.   It's realizing that we have been LIED to about EVERYTHING and then spreading that truth to others.  Be in service to yourself FIRST and then be in service to "others".  If you find yourself trying to "fix" or "rescue" someone else, then you have more work to do.  We're not here to "save" each other.  Rescuing someone other than yourself is disempowering to the other and is really a lack of trust that they can do it on their own.  It's not loving at all.  When you do "save yourself" you realize how true this is and you no longer feel the need to do it.  We all have the capacity to save ourselves from ourselves (our own ego).  Sometimes we do need a "hand-up" but not a "hand-out".   Doing the work for someone else is not really help.  Wait until people actually ask for help before you give your two cents.  No one's path is like another's.  We may use some of the same tools and that's why we do run into people who have answers for us but it's still up to us to do our own work whatever that looks like.

That's only a small portion of the bullshit I see daily.  And people wonder why I'd rather be alone... even when I'm able to have compassion for people's ignorance, I would still rather be alone!

I want to be clear here; even though I go through this in my head, I still make the choice to take the "higher road".  I can call people on their shit without letting the bitch do it.  Most of the time, I don't say anything because it's not affecting me and it's not my business.  I would rather not be in someone else's business anyway.  My life is drama free and I like to keep it that way.  I have to have lots of talks with myself to get past my feelings about the inequality and downright ignorance I see and I get through it.

I don't judge myself about any of this either because it's NOT wrong to think or feel ANYTHING.  It's what we do with it that counts.  The choices we make are what shape our reality.  Remember that!💓😉🙈🙉🙊 

Duality

Yesterday, I went to the movies with a friend. We saw 2 movies. The first was "The Last Mimzy" which I highly recommend and the second was "Reign Over Me". At the end of "Reign Over Me", my friend and I started discussing what we liked and what we didn't like about the movie. Without ruining the movie for anyone and to make a long story short, Adam Sandler's character, Charlie, was a victim of losing his family. He remained a victim because the fear of facing his pain kept him from moving through the grieving process and he remained stuck in anger. I want to make something perfectly clear here. I am not perfect and I have been a victim. What I am about to say, I say from experience and I don't pretend to have ALL the answers. There are many reasons why people become victims but it is not necessary to remain a victim. EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE. Charlie remained a victim until he chose to admit he needed help. That's very hard for a lot of people to do-admit they need help. It's OK to need help. We are not here to do everything ourselves. It is a blessing to have people around us who are willing and able to help us when we need it. The key is to not become dependent on help from the outside. It is the choice we make to become responsible(able to respond to our own needs)that frees us from victim hood. Living in fear of what we are told might happen or what the consequences will be if we tell on someone are what keep us in victim consciousness. Any kind of fear will do that. People live with some kind of fear everyday. It can be very simple as being afraid of running out of gas or something as profound and being told that we would be killed if we tell someone that we have been raped. Taking responsibility is the key to ending victim consciousness. OK, this is going to be a little hard to swallow and this is what my friend and I argued about. Choices made out of fear are what put us on the path to victim consciousness. It the housewife who gets beaten by her husband everyday because she is afraid to leave him. Her fear is that she won't be able to take care of herself or what will happen to him or a myriad of other things. It doesn't matter what the excuse is, it's a choice made in fear. It isn't until she makes the choice out of love for herself to take responsibility for the choices that she has made that have put her in this position, that she will create a new consciousness for herself. No, she did not choose to be a victim directly. No one says, "I want to be a victim". It's done unconsciously out of fear. There is always some kind of awareness that is present that opens the door for people to change their minds. To choose NOT to be a victim anymore. Choices made in love are the ones that propel us down the path of responsibility and empowerment. It's a choice made in love of oneself. Here's one of my experiences of being a victim. A few years ago, a friend and I got into an argument about him smoking pot. He was on probation and passing his UA's by taping a bag of someone else's pee onto his body and then using that for the cup. I did not agree with what he was doing and I told him that I wasn't going to help him do it anymore. I also at the point, wanted him out of my house because I couldn't stand living with him anymore. I told him I wanted him to leave and he refused. He told me I was the one who would have to move. I threatened to expose him to his probation officer and tell her everything that he had been doing. I knew exactly what I was doing but what I didn't count on was how he would react.   I ended up on the floor of the kitchen with him banging my head against the floor. This happened on a Thursday. On Friday, he apologized to me but I understood that I could not let this happen again. (This is not the first time something like this had happened and it had gotten worse every time). For the next 3 days, I talked with trusted friends and family about what to do, knowing that if I went to the police, he would go to jail. On Monday morning, I made the choice to tell the police about our altercation. I did this out of love for both of us. In love of myself because I would not accept being victimized and in love of him because I recognized and understood his fears that caused him to make the choice to hurt me. I also recognized his inability to channel his anger appropriately that allowed him to "snap" and do what he did. He is not normally this way and I know that. I know that the choice I made to threaten him with his probation officer was in fear of him continuing to live with us or having to move myself and is why I became a victim of his anger. I also know that his choice to hurt me was made in fear of what the consequences would be if I said anything is what made him a victim of the judicial system. It took us over a year to get through that and I immediately took responsibility for what I had done that sent him to jail. He was not so willing to accept responsibility for what he did. I told him, everything is a choice. You either make a choice out of fear, which will ultimately lead you down the path of victimization or you make the choice out of love and follow the path of responsibility (having the ability to respond to your own needs). Eventually his did accept his responsibility for his half of our altercation. But this person has always had a problem accepting responsibility for anything. He does not understand that accepting responsibility is empowering. He understands it as having to work and he doesn't like to work. Being responsible means being able to respond to your own needs and owning what is yours. Since that time, he has had some anger management classes which he was not given a choice to comply with and he admits it helped him. He is also living back here with us but he is actually helping with the rent and things around the house. I know that another situation like that will not ever happen again. Not only because he has new tools to work with in managing his anger but because I was offered a weekend self defense course that I took. I made the choice in love of myself that I did not want to remain a victim to take responsibility for my own defense and learn how to defend myself. It was very empowering indeed! I am no longer afraid that someone will be able to take advantage of me because I have new knowledge of how to take care of myself and I know how to use it! Knowledge by itself in not power, applied knowledge is power. And it's not about having power over someone else. That is an illusion. No one has power over you unless you allow them to. All you have to do is respond with NO! It occurs to me that someone could say that I made the choice to take the self defense class out of fear of being hurt again. This is where it can be confusing to people. The are only two choices. One choice will empower you, the other will empower someone else. The one made in love will empower you, the one made in fear will empower someone else who may victimize you in the future. My choice was made in love of myself to empower me and refuse to be a victim. Had I not made the choice to do that, I would have made no choice and maybe allowed someone to victimize me in the future. Choosing not to do something is still a choice. That is often the case for most people and the underlying fear is moving out of the comfort zone they have created for themselves. So, here we are again on the same but different path to try once again to accept each other as we are and to live in harmony with each other. Something changed because it's working. It still don't have the desire to have a romantic relationship with him for other reasons (mostly his lack of responsibility) but I am able to accept him the way he is and we compromise on the housework and rent. He also knows that him living here is just temporary until he can get his feet under him. I don't toot my own horn but I am very happy with the changes that I see in my life and his. It is something to be proud of when you can look at the past and see where you have been and then look at where you are now and realize that changes that have taken place for the better! I am realizing some other recent wonderful changes in my life also but that is another blog. So this is some simple advice, when you have a choice, think about where your thoughts are coming from. Are they coming from fear or love? It isn't always easy to recognize. Our egos have a way of making us think that what we decide is from love. You must think about the consequences of either choice. Which one will empower you and which one will cause you to be a victim. Being a victim can come from a simple choice. So can empowerment. And remember choosing to do nothing is still a choice and more than likely is the one that will NOT empower YOU. I love all of you and it is my wish that people bring more consciousness to their choices. It's only a few seconds of contemplation between being a victim or not. This is an add: We are the creators of our lives. Things don't happen to us. They happen because of the (un)conscious choices we have made. This is hard for most people to accept when they don't get what they want because they don't see how their (un)conscious choice was made in fear. By bringing more awareness to your choices, you are responding to yourself and consequently, you will more likely make a choice from love. It is the Law of Attraction at work. What you think about, you bring about. It is irrefutable. The time is now to respond to yourself, love yourself and do what is best for YOU! Getting out of your comfort zone will not kill you, it will show you a different path, one that will ultimately empower you. Everyday you wait is another day lived in some kind of fear. Do not wait for something to come from the outside! You have the power within you to create what it is you want most, NOW. IN LOVE, Riox