Attention: Your most valuable Resource

Many people have come to think that money is their most valuable resource.  I would say that these people are more focused on material things and are thinking on a shallow level.  Money can make things easier, however, I have also seen how it can complicate things.  I've proven to myself that I can get along quite well and be happy without a lot of money.  True, we need money (right now) for some things and I never got away from money completely but I came pretty damn close!😜

There are others that think time is their most valuable resource.  Time is an illusion.  If you were to travel to another planet in another solar system, time would be different there than it is here.  We experience time only because of the cyclic nature of the Moon orbiting the Earth and the Earth orbiting the Sun.  It is important how you "spend" your time but more important, where you give your attention within any "time period" is far more important that most realize.  

Money, time and attention all speak to our value system.  I can remember quite well when I thought money was important and every job I went after had money as the #1 criteria.  How much money could I make and was it going to be enough to support myself?  As I have evolved, so has my value system.  Then time made it to the top of the "list" if you will; then happiness.

Part of this shift was due to my "tuning into" the collective.  I haven't always thought for myself; being an empath, it has been a difficult road for me to discern "what's mine" versus what belongs to "others" either individually or collectively.  The rest of "the shift" in my values was all mine.  I learned to discern "mine" from "yours".  It's still somewhat of a slippery slope for me.

It dawned on me one day in the recent past how our attention has been hijacked so-to-speak on multiple levels.  I think it was first a "download" I got some time ago (not sure when) and then as I rose in vibration and integrated this new perspective, I was able to see how shifting my attention from one vibration to another affected how I felt and consequently, how it shifted my reality. 

My conscious shift in values happened from going through experiences that showed me where my values lay.  Mostly from getting the contrasting experience (one I didn't want) to show me what I valued in terms of what I thought I wanted and in order to get what I DID want, I had to then shift my values along with my attention.  

Hope that makes sense.  I know it's vague.  I think the best example I can give that would make sense to everyone is the values we have that surround what we want in a partner or committed relationship. 

The example I give at the beginning of this post highlights this perfectly.  I realized after getting together with someone who could grow their own food was not as valuable as someone who is honest and has integrity.  I also came to the conclusion that by applying faith and trust, my food needs would be taken care of by many different sources. 

Attention is synonymous with presence.  Presence means to be Here, Now.  Not in the past and not in the future.  It's an attribute of our Consciousness.  Attention in the present moment is where ALL your power is in creating your future.  Attention to the past or the future is usually filled with feelings that don't feel good because we are either lamenting, ashamed or beating ourselves up about something that has already happened or we are worried about our future based on past experience or trying to "plan" for our future in ignorance that there is already a plan in place that we mapped out ahead of time before we incarnated.  Most people have a hard time believing this but it IS true for ALL of us.

Where we put our attention is going to determine the quality of our experience and the subsequent feeling attached to it.  Attention to how we feel should be paramount!  Our feelings are what help us determine if we are having a good experience (getting what we want) or a bad one (what we don't want) so that we can then put our attention on what we want based on our values.  

Normally, we are not aware of this process but this is what is happening on a fundamental level.  I've just broken it down in order to see it better. 

Be careful where/what you give your attention to.  TV, commercials, movies and media ALL want your attention to GET YOUR MONEY!! They DO NOT care about you or your health.  It's not called "programming" for nothing!  Remember that because I Love You!💖😘

Why You Want to Save Yourself

We all, at one time or another, have all chosen to be victims.  I have definitely gone through it myself.  It was part of the reason why I got together with my last committed relationship.  

It was 2010 and I had convinced myself that the proverbial shit was going to hit the fan very soon and Trump wasn't even in office yet!  😝 I remember having a thought that I wanted to be with someone who could grow their own food as I am NOT, in the slightest, interested in farming! lol  I was living in Hawai'i at the time and Monsanto was becoming a very big issue over there.  I was worried about our food supply.  As I think back, I think I was getting more of a warning from my Higher Self rather than a reason to commit myself to a severely traumatized individual who acted like a complete narcissist most of the time.

I realize that from an early age, I was brainwashed into thinking this way having bought into the whole "Disney" narrative that women are weak and need to be saved by a Man.  You can see this theme in most of their animated movies like "Snow White", "Cinderella" and "Sleeping Beauty".  This list goes on.  I'm sure you could think of a few on your own.😉

Let's be real here, while it may feel romantic to be swept off your feet by a handsome Prince, how often does that REALLY happen?👎😆  It's a subtle but very powerful technique (one of many) employed by "others" that wish to dis-empower us, steal our energy and devour our soul by convincing us we are "victims who need saving".  It does not matter who is behind this; only that you recognize it for what it is and that you shed that consciousness in favor of feeling empowered.

Why would you want to do that?  Well, I can say from experience that it feels much better to know that I am NOT a victim, that I don't need anyone to "save" me because I learned how to do that for myself and by doing so, I reap the benefits from it like having the confidence to take bigger risks because I have stretched my comfort zone, I have a greater connection to my intuition and I lead MYSELF rather than being led by someone else.

Everything that happens to me is of my own making and taking responsibility for it actually feels better than to convince myself "it's someone else's fault".  That's what the "victim" says.  

When we save ourselves, we are saving ourselves from our own ego that says we can't do something or denies responsibility and points to someone else.  Those "others" are really reflections of the different archetypes of our own ego that have been activated.  When we are faced or confronted by these "others", we are getting an opportunity to see something within ourselves that needs our love and support to heal.  

I know it seems like giving love to our ego would only exacerbate it's "bad" behavior but I can tell you, it doesn't.  These parts (archetypes) of ourselves calm down and behave better by dropping the "bad behavior" because they are receiving the attention they want from OUR OWN SOURCE OF LOVE.  This is the essence of Self Love... sharing our own compassion with our ego. 

When we love our ego, we are not condoning our "bad behavior" we are recognizing the need being expressed to be accepted and loved for it's role in our life.  I have found when I started doing this, I was not confronted as often or at all by "others" projecting their own needs onto me.  I stopped seeing as much "negativity" outside of myself unless I chose to put my attention on it.

This is how the world outside of us changes in reflection to the world inside of us.  As we "do our work" and express more compassion and understanding to our ego, it creates more harmony inside that is reflected outside. 

I got off on a tangent there but the point is to feel better.  It does not feel good to be a "victim who needs saving".  This is demonstrated in subtle ways and it takes a desire to recognize this and drop it by taking responsibility for EVERYTHING in our lives.  It may not seem like that would feel better but it does.  Taking responsibility is different than blaming ourselves.  Blame is still victimhood.  

The point is to pay attention to how we feel.  If thinking or doing something does not feel good then STOP!  Just stop.👮  

We have been programmed to discount our feelings, believe that feeling bad is somehow going to motivate us to change ourselves and look outside of ourselves for all of our answers.  I call BULLSHIT on ALL of that!  

Our feelings are our direct connection to our OWN SOURCE, we have a birthright to feeling GOOD and we only give ourselves the challenges that we can handle!  It's time that we wake up to all the bullshit that takes our energy and dis-empowers us whether that's coming from our own ego or someone else.  All that is required is a desire to do so.  

If you continue to choose victim consciousness, you give your personal power away by putting the onus on "others" to "fix" your life when you are perfectly capable of making positive life changes on your own.  Besides, you may not be happy with what someone else does so it makes no sense to leave what is your responsibility to someone else.

I'm not trying to shame anyone here and there is nothing (REALLY) wrong with temporarily adopting this kind of mentality.  It is part of our experience of duality for how do you know if you have or feel what you want if you first (or eventually) don't have the opposite experience?  This is the purpose of contrasting experiences.  The trick is not to get to comfortable with it and therefore dependent on "others" to keep you happy.  Only YOU can create your own happiness.  It's very easy to get addicted to the attention you get from being a victim but this is it's own trap.

Most of the time we have to get the "end of our rope" with ourselves or just feel so bad that we finally "give in" or surrender and that allows us to receive the guidance from within or through others that we trust to rise to the occasion to release victim consciousness.  You don't have to wait until you reach the bottom of the barrel so-to-speak.  You can make a conscious choice to Rise NOW.💓😊💪

Addendum 10/29/19

I meant to give, as an example, the short version of the story of the professor that helped the butterfly out of its chrysalis.  Basically, because the butterfly had gotten help (from the outside) to exit its self imposed "prison", it never learned how to fly.  The struggle IS what gives us our empowerment, that stretches our comfort zone and gives us the confidence and courage to keep going.  

Going through the birth canal is the first "struggle" that we encounter.  I believe that we do our children a great disservice by performing cesarean births on the Mother.  Just look at the root word; Cesar!  Cesar was a tyrant who subjugated and victimized his population.  (yes, there are certain circumstances that require cesarean birth but it is very much overused!)

The moral of the story is, by claiming the "victim" attitude and demanding that someone "save us", we are asking the professor to help us out of our chrysalis.  How are we to feel empowered and learn to fly if we take this path?  by negating our own struggle (the challenges we give ourselves) we give our personal power away without ever realizing it... that we even HAVE IT!  lol  I laugh at the irony here.  Going through the struggle and coming out the other side is what helps us realize that power.  This is why taking responsibility takes back our own power.  Our personal power (applied) is what is needed to overcome the ego; to MASTER it. 

One final note:  People don't have ANY power over you unless you GIVE it to them!  And REALLY, power over someone else is an illusion, an ego trip. 😉

The BIG Question... 😉

For as long as I can remember, I've always had this Big question... not "Who am I" or "What's my Purpose" although those questions were in the back of my mind also. 

Ever since I learned at an early age about reincarnation, MY question was always, "If I've come here over and over again, why is my consciousness here in THIS lifetime?"

Well, today, I got the answer to that question.  A few months ago, I became aware of Daniel Scranton.  He has a website/blog where he posts channeled messages from the Arcturians; a group of non-physical beings who are in the process of their own ascension and are assisting us with ours by giving us relevant and helpful information as to our collective progress and by sharing their current perspective of us.  You can access his website to see all the daily messages on the front page of my blog.  Look for Daniel Scranton.com under "links"

Today's message, while it wasn't specifically about my question, gave me the necessary information to receive insight about my question and connect some dots so-to-speak relevant to answering my own question!  I suggest you read this short message from the Arcturians FIRST before reading the rest of this post.

*********

Of course!  Now it makes sense to me why I've chosen this lifetime to Be Here Now.  One of the bits of information that I acquired later in life is that (from a spiritual perspective) everything is happening at once.  It has taken a long time for my mind to wrap around THAT one!  😜 This is the lifetime where I have gathered and studied many sources of Spirituality and incorporated most of it so that I could "do the work" I talk about... to not only know my ego from doing this work but also share what I've learned with the other aspects of myself that are "out there" in other lifetimes and dimensions/densities of physical existence.  This is the lifetime for most of us to "wake up". 

Waking up, I have found happens in waves and layers.  There are many aspects to "waking up".  The last, I believe, is to awaken to the other aspects of our consciousness that are being affected by the work we do on ourselves.  The healing we do is not in a linear sense.  Everything we do on THIS physical plane affects ALL aspects of ourselves on other planes BECAUSE everything is happening at once. 

We can not and will not be able to merge with our Higher Selves on this plane until we fully heal all the trauma from all the other lifetimes that we've had here.

As we do this work on healing our trauma, I have found that the many aspects of my own ego re-integrate with my core self and as that happens I believe we also heal and integrate the other aspects of our Soul on different planes.  We don't have to heal them one at a time!

As the different parts of our Soul heal, they also re-integrate with the Greater part of our Soul; our "Higher Self".  As they re-integrate, I believe that is when we get access to all the wisdom and gifts that each particular aspect had in each "past" lifetime that we can then utilize in THIS lifetime!  Oooh how exciting!

Reading today's messages from the Arcturians is very exciting indeed because it's about the last few months of this year!  It gives me a boost of confidence that I will indeed finish the healing that I started in earnest back in 2013!  It has been a long road of recovery and I look forward to letting go of the rest of what does not serve me and to the re-integration with my Higher Self!  The End is Near!😂💖👍

Introspection, Doing "The Work" and The Ripple Effect

Introspection (to look within) is a wonderful, insightful and empowering way to look at yourself.  I enjoy knowing myself in this way as I get incredible insights into why I think the way I do, why I act the way I do and to witness the changes I experience from doing so.

All one has to do is to just be curious about what is going on inside the mind.  There is no need to fear ourselves or ANYHTING "out there".  Curiosity is what dispels fear.  It is the crux of "Know Thyself".  By knowing ourselves we can see what the ego is up to and we can catch ourselves falling into the "fear trap".  Fear is what stops us from moving forward on ANY issue.  Following through with curiosity helps us to understand ourselves better to we can step through the fear and move forward even if it's just baby steps.

The other side of the coin of "Know Thyself" is knowing our god self; the loving, compassionate side of ourselves which is Who We Really Are.

The "work" I talk about is really sharing that compassion, forgiveness and understanding with the ego self.  Acknowledging our fears, understanding where they come from and forgiving them to allow that movement forward.

Every time we participate in this process and we move forward out of our fear, we raise our vibration and it affects the collective.  (the ripple effect) We are all connected.  It looks something like how science depicts the connections between our neurons in our brains.  (as within, so without).  We don't see this energetic connection but it IS there.  It's mentioned when we talk about the "six degrees of separation" or you may feel it when you meet someone you really resonate with.

We don't always (almost never) get to see how the positive changes we create in ourselves ripples out and plain affects other people or inspires them to start their own process of change.  Sometimes it's obvious in the moment when you may offer an act of kindness to another or you get some feedback from someone you helped.  Most of the time we have no idea how our own accomplishments on a personal level may be affecting anyone...

We just have to trust that it's happening even though we may not have an awareness of it.  It is the BEST way for us to be in service to others.  We get the first benefit of doing our own "work" because we are the only ones that can do it for ourselves and others benefit as well through that ripple effect.

Some keys to remember... Be curious, see your fears from a neutral perspective (without judgment), be SUPER honest with yourself (this is crucial) and make sure that you feel compassion for yourself.  It does no good to feel sorry for yourself; this is NOT compassion but sympathy and it is NOT empowering.  You want the feeling of empowerment and satisfaction to come from sharing your own love with your ego.  

Ego is NOT bad as we are taught.  It is simply the part of ourselves that chose to separate from our Core Self (Love) in order for us to experience duality.  That's just part of the "game" we are playing with ourselves here.  Without duality, there is no challenge and no growth.  That is why we are here.

If everyone were to allow for time to "do their work" during each day, we could be a lot further down this path of ascension collectively.  We would not look to others to "save us".  This process is what saves ourselves!  

It does not take much time at all, once you start down this path, to see your fears dissolve, feel better about yourself and to feel empowered (let go of victim-hood).  We are ALL capable of doing our own work.  There is NOTHING we can't overcome!

I tell you all of this because I'm living proof that what I have written here is true; it is my EXPERIENCE.  This is THE BEST tool I can share with all of you.  Now that you have it, be curious, be gentle with yourselves and have FUN with it.  Learn to laugh at yourself... don't take your self so seriously!  It will all be OK!

Love you All😄💖

A New Wrinkle to the Last Two

I have another experience to share concerning the lesson I learned from the last gig I did.

When I returned to the house I was at to discover the door had been left open, there were two guys there to blow out the irrigation system that had arrived ahead of me.  

One of them gave me his business card and I had a quick insight that it wasn't just about having a new customer but wanting to talk with me further or even setting up a date.  When I finally did contact him, I asked why he had given me his card and I had been correct; he wanted a date!  

We texted back and forth for a bit until I had to meet with a previous engagement and agreed to talk in a couple of days when we were both free.

I was giddy with glee at the thought of having a date!  In the past, I had mostly jumped into every relationship I've ever had.  Just the fact that I was allowing myself the time to know someone is a testament to the work I've done, once again, to relieve myself of my insecurities which was most of the reason I had not been patient with myself.  It has also been a long time since I have engaged with a man having rearranged my priorities to working on my self and healing the trauma I've been through.  I have stayed single on purpose.

I started to imagine our date and what we would talk about and then I found myself coming up with ideas of other "dates" that we could do.  I immediately realized how lonely I had been without the love and support of an intimate relationship and all the things I miss that come along with that.

I decided to go the the website for his business and in reading his bio, I discovered that he is married.  I felt disappointed almost immediately but I didn't go into judgment about him.  I didn't hear any "bashing" in my mind of this man and he genuinely seemed very interested in me and also practiced some restraint (which I liked) because of his lack of knowledge about who I was in relation to his clients.  He even told me that he didn't want to be presumptuous.  I should have taken that as a clue for me to do the same.  He asked me if I was single and I never asked him if he was.

While I felt let down, I realized that I had let myself down by going too far in my mind about "what could happen" before I'd even had a first date!  lol    I don't think that's wrong per se but it certainly did not help keep things real.  It was part of recognizing that maybe it had been too long since I'd allowed myself some fun with a man.  I also encouraged him to read this blog and sent him an email with a few pics of myself and a partial list of "who I am" to give him an idea of how I'm not anything like most other women.  I have no idea if he read anything here... I did not get a response to my email.  It is possible that I've scared him off so-to-speak already!  Oh well, if that's the case.  I'm not attached.

I had a conversation with myself as a reminder that I didn't really know yet why he wanted a date and I had no way of knowing how old this bio was or even if he is still married.  I became more realistic about this.

The feelings lingered for a while as I had this conversation with myself covering all the angles of "what I didn't know".  I allowed myself to sit with these feelings until a few hours later, they had dissipated. 

Today he is supposed to call me to set up a time to meet at the location we agreed on.  I really hope that it does happen so that I can get to the truth about what is going on.  That's more important to me than even another date.  It's entirely possible that he IS single and is doing his best to get back out there.  I've also thought that maybe things aren't going well in his marriage and he's looking for an "out" or maybe connection with another female to just talk to that will be there for him.  I'm open to it all even just friendship.

Funny thing... I have a friend that IS married and had the courage to ask me if I would have sex with him because his wife is not longer attracted to him.  I declined because I really don't want to be involved with a married man regardless of what he's going through and even though I don't really agree with the way marriage is practiced, I still have respect for it.  We ended up going to concerts together as friends and hanging out.  Who am I to judge what someone else feels they need? 

I woke up today just as chipper as the day before, waiting with baited breath to hear from him.  I've discovered I can be OK after I perceive a "let down" without knowing why and that I'm DONE being single!😉

So, if you're reading this J. PLEASE have the courage to call me today and meet up even if you had second thoughts. 😀 I'm SO looking forward to it either way!💖

Silver Lining

This post is a follow-up to the last. To maintain context, you will have to read the previous post.

It has taken me a few days to finish this post.  I realized that maybe I had not had enough time to process my realizations so instead of pushing myself to complete my entry, I allowed it to sit so that I could expand upon what exactly what I am experiencing with myself.  I went up to the mountains with my current housemates and another long term guest to a condo they rent out to Air B N B people.  They were going to go up and get some firewood for the fireplace up there and I thought it would be great to get away for a couple of days and help them split and stack wood. 

While I was up there, I read a post from a blog I follow (Frequency Writer) and discovered through the message given in this post what was going on with me!  Really quite exciting for me!  I love that I'm able to "not push" for something to happen or finish and allow for the information I need to reveal itself.  This post came at the perfect time.  You can read it HERE.  It is so well said and written... I again cried tears of joy at what I was being told and how it resonated with me.  Just the first paragraph alone was enough, however, I suggest you read it to give you an idea of where I'm coming from and why this is so important to me.  This is also a good post to read if you're not up on what is happening on a personal/collective level.

What I wrote between the asterisk is what I started on the 12th and after that is from the 14th.

**I woke up over an hour ago and my mind started in... I need to update the last pet sit situation with a few details to give context to the rest.

The matter is resolved; not all in the way I would have liked, however, in a way that supports my own growth and re-alignment with my own truth and integrity.

After some back and forth through email and some posturing on behalf of my client, I realized these people had no intention of paying me even though it had been said, after the incident, that I would be.  Both of these people are lawyers and given the situation, I respect that they were only doing what they felt they needed to do given their consciousness.  What I mean by that is they are still living in the mind of duality... good/bad, right/wrong etc.  That's where most of Humanity still is so I can't fault them for that given I understand it because I have been there too.  I mean even their careers as lawyers is based on that and taking one side over the other so it's not any surprise!  lol

I, on the other hand, am here to realize more of Who I AM as will the rest of Humanity in their own time.  I have already started down the path of non-duality; seeing things as they are from a neutral perspective and I must keep with that if I am to succeed in my personal goal of waking up COMPLETELY to Who I AM.  

In lying in bed, I started to realize what the silver lining is!  It isn't a shift to something better in the physical way as was my last experience from one living situation to a better one.  At one point I thought that I would be offered a different pet sit situation where I would be better appreciated but I've already had that!  I already have many clients who truly appreciate me and don't try to justify not paying me.  I pet sit for my housemates when they go on adventures and I am plenty appreciated for that.

The silver lining is the fact that I was able to let go of the situation without judgment and with total trust and faith that I would get what I need.  Honestly, I am amazed at the grace with which I continue to maintain my equilibrium and stay in my heart throughout this ordeal.  

It was more or less demanded of me, because of my alleged negligence, that I pay $2000 compensation for various fees that had been paid to cancel a vacation early, change plane tickets and cover various other fees etc.  While I did not agree with this assessment, I could definitely understand where they were coming from and I argued my own points that all ended well and that their own negligence of not taking care of the situation ahead of time allowed this to happen again.  I was at least going to try to get paid.  

When I realized the game that was being played, even though I knew I had the "upper hand" with proof in writing that I would be paid and that "the escape" had happened before, I decided that by pursuing any legal action that I felt sure that I would win, would only be a continuation of the game of duality which I'm doing my best to leave behind.  I also cannot in good conscience participate in a system I don't believe in.

I decided to just drop it.  I also would rather not engage with people who have to justify their actions rather than taking a higher choice in honoring an agreement.  We never actually discussed or agreed on what would happen if anything were to go "wrong".  

I am more of a "neighborhood pet sitter" if you will.  I have never established a "legal" business nor do I feel the need to do so.  I know this is not a "forever" career and it's just another dream realized until I get the calling to pursue my next job which, ironically, I know I will not really have to pursue.  People will come to me.

I realized that this was my challenge... to see if I could incorporate all that I have learned over the years with maintaining emotional balance; applying appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding and valor which happen to be the six Heart Virtues that you can read about HERE.  I discovered these while I was pet sitting for these people.  I had read the Wingmakers story many years ago and had forgotten about it until I was reminded by a family member with the website that I had never been to. 

These virtues are nothing new.  I have been practicing them individually over the years, however, I had not put them together in the way that is described on the website.  I'd like to think that the meditation that I had done on these had a part on how this situation unfolded/resolved for me.

Let me add here for transparency; there is still a part of my ego that is VERY dissatisfied with the whole scenario: what happened, how I think they should have handled it, my part in it etc. etc. etc.  I'm very aware of this and the self-talk about this situation was initially what kept me awake this morning until I realized that my self-talk did not have the same quality of judgment that it usually had and it seemed to be fading into the background, if you will.  It sounded more nebulous than it had in the recent past where I had clear conversations in my head with myself in an effort to satisfy my need to be heard and understood when I could not do so with other people.

At this point, it is still unclear to me if this is really ego or maybe the quieter voice of my higher self that may be coming through a little louder because what I "heard" was more of a recognition of the action I had taken in the resolution of my situation being more in alignment with who I wanted to be vs. how my ego could have handled it IE:  following through with legal action.

I kept my trust and faith that I would be taken care of (somehow) without having to know how by letting go of the money.  What I do has never been about the money anyway.  I love animals and always have.  This is a dream I've always had to work with animals and the money is just part of the compensation people give me to show their appreciation however traditional it may be.

I cried tears of joy at this realization; that I took the "high road" and it was an easier decision to do so than with the last challenge.  The Phoenix is risen; the flower bloomed and I feel lighter and unencumbered by my mind coming up with reasons why "they" are "wrong".**

After reading the post from Frequency Writer, I realized that what I am experiencing is exactly what is described.  The illusion that is my ego really is dissolving!  OH how I have longed for this change!  It is SUCH a RELIEF to recognize this and not have the negative self talk about others (that's really about ME) that is so annoying even though, for a long time now, it has been diminishing little by little.  These last few days, however, have been so remarkably obvious and not as subtle as over the last decade when I started my "inner work".

The 3D clothing that my soul has been wearing is unraveling to reveal the "jewel on the lotus" or more of who I Truly AM and always have been.  It is somewhat difficult to describe.  It is nothing like what I thought the process would be like.  I do hope you read the article.  It is written much better and gives more detail that I care to re-iterate.  I will re-post it HERE on another page on this blog for the people who need a translation.

I have worked so hard for this and it gives me hope that the rest of Humanity will not only experience this "uncloaking" in their own way and at their own pace but also the intuitive message I received quite some time ago that our transition back to 5D(density) would be a smooth one was spot on.  

There is bound to be some anger etc. that will come to the surface for many, however, per my own experience, I believe that they will move through their emotions rather quickly as I did and come to a place of compassion for their Brothers and Sisters that have been fooled into creating the "hell" that we have all experienced for Centuries so that other beings can siphon our negative energy just as we all been fooled (by them) into living our lives in spiritual and financial poverty, suffering, enslavement and all kind of dis-ease so that they could live "high on the hog" so-to-speak.  This is the illusion talked about that  is dissolving and we are waking up to.

I am honored beyond measure to be one of many templates to this change and so it continues. 💓💪😂🙏

Re-Alignment

I have not had much I've wanted to talk about until now... it's been over a year since my last post.  I have had things that I could have talked about but I didn't have the inspiration until now.

I recently had an experience that showed me just how much I've grown from the inner work I've done.  I had a similar experience in 2018 that I thought I wrote about but I have not found where I did so I will mention what happened because of the contrast that it gives between the two events.

Back in 2017, I moved in with a woman who is blind and wanted help with specific things.  It became clear with a short time that this woman not only needed more help than she was aware of but also there were indications that she had an issue with alcohol and some memory challenges associated with it.  More than once she told me something only to turn around and to say she never said it.😳  It came down to her lying about being in my room when the evidence that she couldn't see was there for ME to see.  There were other incidences that happened that made it clear I needed to find another place to live.  She also asked me to leave and in all honesty, I was grateful for the confirmation of my own decision to move.  Not only did I find a couple that I resonated with and appreciate what I do for them but I moved a week earlier than the time I was given.  

The incident I want to highlight here was when I left to go pet sit for someone,  I took a picture of my son with me that I later forgot I had taken and accused my roommate of taking based upon an assumption that she was getting back at me for sharing information with her that she wasn't ready for that caused her mental and physical stress.  Later on, after I moved, I found the picture even though I had made a thorough search for it BEFORE I accused her.  

This whole incident was not handled as gracefully as I would have liked and I had to question WHY my inner guidance (that I have learned to trust and follow DAILY) had not led me to the picture ahead of my accusation.  THAT was at the crux of my confusion of why all this happened.  How had I forgotten that I took my picture and why did I not remember until I moved?

I did wish my roommate the best and I did not hold any hard feelings against her.  That, at least, was a definite improvement over other incidents that had happened in my past where I held onto all the negative emotions for days if not weeks.

What I gleaned from that experience was that some people often need more help than they realize and are not in a position to accept help or information in other areas of their life and I am in no position to assess what people are ready for or not.  I did not get any indicators up front that this was not going to be the situation I thought it would be like the next one I will share.

A little over a week ago, I was requested for another pet sit, this time outside of the area that I usually cover because I ride my bike everywhere as I have no car.  Initially when I got the call, I made the decision right away to decline the request because I'm not attached to having certain jobs or the potential money that can come from them.  This particular job was in the foothills and it would have been very difficult for me to get up there not to mention getting to the other jobs I have almost daily.  

So, initially, I said no and why.  I was offered their car to use so I reconsidered, especially since I had not had a well paying job and my bank account was getting a little low on funds.

After going up there to get the details on what I was going to have to do, I started to feel a little uneasy about going back.  My mind came up with all kinds of stuff and I didn't ignore what I was feeling but I also did not take the time to sit with it further to understand what I was picking up on.

The first six days went just fine,  I felt like it was going well and I was able to relax regarding all of the complicated details I had to keep track of like making sure the two cats didn't get out and that their VERY strong dog didn't take ME for a walk. lol  Also, they had multiple doors (we're talking about a million dollar McMansion here) that I had to make sure were closed at all times AND locked.  I made sure that as soon as I came in from outside that I securely latched the door AND locked it!

Last Monday, I had gone in and out multiple times of 3 different doors but was 100% positive that I had locked every one as soon as I came in.  I left to go walk a dog and I was aware that the irrigation people were coming by to blow out the system so I had to be back at a certain time to allow them access.

I got back up there and was told that they had arrived early and that the front door was WIDE OPEN!  OMG, I thought, had the animals escaped?  I went inside to find the dog which, from my clients description, I would have thought would have been the first one out but she was a good girl and stayed in.  The cats, on the other hand, had both escaped.  

I noticed after I came back that I had a voicemail message on my phone that I should have received while I was out and in range of a signal but I did not get the notification AND my phone didn't ring!  The timestamp on my message from my client telling me she could see the cats were out told me that the door flew open right after I left.  I was gone for an hour and a half!  

Everyone they called for help showed up and I was told to leave.  I saw that coming and I don't blame them for doing so.  Had it been me, I would have done the same thing.  

I felt very bad about the situation knowing that I had let someone down who was counting on me.  I did not give any resistance to leaving and was very relieved to get back home.  Even the gentleman who gave me a ride home tried to lighten the mood and I remember thinking to myself that I knew there would be a "silver lining" to this situation but damned if I could see it yet.  

What confused me was how could I have left the door unlocked and unlatched when I had been so good at doing it and why (again) had my inner guidance not warned me?!  

It all worked out, just before I left, they found the first cat and later I got an email that both cats were back inside.  

I never had any negative thoughts about either one of them. Both of them were under stress and (for the most part) handled themselves very well considering what they were dealing with.  That, to me, was just one of the indicators of how much I've grown because my mind didn't go to the "blame game", I gave no resistance and I maintained my emotional balance throughout the situation except to cry some tears of sadness and frustration.

I have even dropped my need to know about why I didn't receive the phone call OR the notification OR a warning from my higher self what was about to happen.  I was also certain that I had locked the front door.  But none of that matters now. It's all a moot point because both cats are OK and I have accepted that I just wasn't meant to be there.  I KNOW without a doubt that everything happens for a reason and we don't always need to know what that is.  For me to be able to move through my emotions as quickly as I did and to be able to let go of my need to know is HUGE for me because as a Virgo, I can analyze things to death! 😆

Going back to the uneasy feeling I had... I realize, in hindsight, that what I was feeling was NOT related to the thoughts I was having ABOUT going back.  I was feeling something subtly similar but still different... the gut feeling that many people talk about having.  I didn't take the time to further investigate what/why I was feeling they way I did so consequently, I let myself down. I think I needed a reminder of what that uneasy gut feeling is because I don't feel it often. 

I do have a curiosity as to what kind of energy one or both of them were putting into this situation as it was a co-creative event.  That is also something I'm not going to waste my time on.  I doubt I will ever hear from them again except to get paid (and I was worried about that) and maybe someday we will cross paths again to compare notes.

I have yet to see the silver lining and I could also speculate about the many things that could be about but I'm relying on the trust that I have that not only will I be taken care of by following my own inner guidance but that everything works out the way it's supposed to.  I have faith in what I don't know...

The contrast between these two experiences gives me a clear indicator of how far I've come since my last "episode" last year.  Not only did I move through my emotions rather quickly compared to last year (I was over the same day it happened) but I also do not feel the need to discuss this with anyone like I usually do.  Last year I needed to talk about it with my bestie in Hawai'i.  This time I feel complete without doing that.  I did tell my current housemates what happened because when I got home, I was in tears and I wanted them to know I was OK.  I also told my Mom and Stepdad but from the same point of view as this blog post.  

So this was a lesson in discernment, trust and faith.  Discernment of the feelings in my body and trusting those feelings and faith in that had I said no again, I would have been taken care of one way or another.  It was a challenge that I will probably be faced with again and that's OK.  I love a good challenge!

I share this in hopes that someone reading it will realize that it IS possible, through inner work, that you can see the patterns of behavior that repeat and actually do something about it.  We all have our own pathways to resolving our "issues" and all it takes is a desire to change things; to want a better relationship with ourselves and then the path can and will reveal itself in a variety of ways.  Don't let "inner work" intimidate you!  It's not as hard as you think to face yourself.😁