A Day of Heavan on Earth

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a looong time.

To preface here, Monday was one of the worst days since my childhood.  

After my breakup with River, (I don't blame him for anything but hold him accountable for his part in it) I felt like I was dismissed and left hanging without a COMPLETE explanation or discussion of what actually happened.

I wanted to hate him and my mind spun around negative thoughts around him and his behaviors and made up stuff to make him the "bad guy" so I could justify to myself wanting to cut him out of my life. (even though he says we're still friends and he has no issues with me)

I've been participating in trials by 9010 (an organization in Germany that uses quantum entanglement to attach intelligent matter to inanimate objects) You can read about them HERE and my testimonial video Here.

The current one at the time that I was testing was for a pendant so I chose the crystal pendant that I've had for 36 years.

It had been helping me to have more control over my mind and the negative spin that it was using that felt like torture.  Literally overnight, the trial ended and as soon as I woke up, my mind started in with a vengeance; stronger than ever!  It was so bad I cried most of the morning on and off as I did my best to neutralize it without resisting or making myself wrong for doing it.  After all, my parts are just trying to protect me from someone that (it) perceives as hurting me.

I had to just avoid everyone in the household so that I wouldn't end up biting someone's head off.

I decided to go to the park later that day for the standing tags disc golf game that happens most days at 4:30.

It just so happened that River was there and without his new girlfriend.  He actually said hello to me and I was at least in a space where I felt ok and not reactive.  We exchanged some small talk and after I asked if I could give him a hug and he accepted.  It was the first hug I'd shared with him in over a month and it was very healing for me.

Throughout the week I was using some sound healing techniques that I had forgotten about that were helping me as well.

The next day and the day after, I went again and this time, she was there but I remained non-reactive naturally and I noticed that I didn't even care that she was there or that they were putting on a show of affection.

Yesterday, I went again and this time River did not show up.  There were seven of us that "mobbed" the golf course and played together and it had to be the best round I've played with the group EVER.

To back up a bit to the beginning of the day... as I was walking my doggies for my client, I noticed that I was more patient with them and did not feel the urge to control them as I have in the recent past.  My client had shared with me a difficult interaction she had had with a family member and accepted the advice I had given her.  My housemate shared his experience using Psylocybin trip guided by his therapist and I got my own little nugget from him telling me about it.  Later that day, I had a private lesson with my Aikido Sensei with another Dojo member that was so AWESOME so when I showed up to the tags game after that, I was already so high on life and feeling good, I was inspired to offer myself as a channel for healing energy to a fellow golf player that helped him "fix" his knee.  Later, another golf player asked for my help with his wrist and that helped him as well.

The whole round of golf we played was just awesome and fun.  Everyone was in high spirits even though it was raining a bit and a little windy at the end and I had a lot of putts that I missed; I didn't care, I was having so much fun with "the guys".

At hole 18, I was standing across from the player with the knee I had helped and the basket was in between us.  I wasn't even thinking that he would miss (neither was he!) When he ripped it hard and I saw it coming right at me, I had no time to move and it hit me square in the sternum.  It hit me just below my pendant and had I moved either way or turned my body, it would have hurt really bad.

At first, I was just shocked.  I felt no pain and I still have no mark or bruise where it hit me.  I started laughing because just as he was letting go of the disc and before it hit me, the other guy I helped was standing next to me and was saying, "You probably shouldn't be standing there..."

Ya think? 😂 LMAO!!!  I laughed so hard I was crying a few tears and this guy was SO apologetic.  I think everyone was shocked and felt bad but I didn't.  I knew I was getting something I needed and that's what I told him.  I made sure he knew that I was OK and not holding this against him at all.  I even told him it was "payback" (in a positive sense) for the help I had given him earlier.

I think if I had been in a bad mood, I could have easily chosen to be "the victim" however, because I was on the other side of a LOT of negative energy, I saw it for what it was; something to help me open my heart again after feeling like it got stepped on.  I told him, "There are no accidents." and I mean that.  Everything happens for a reason and I was able to remember that in the moment.💗💪💜😌  Thank you Kevin!

Cornelius Christopher 😇

OMGosh!  THIS man!  He is the real deal.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I even tried to re-join Facebook to post about him.  (I didn't because it's been almost 7 years since I left and I would have to re-friend everyone!) lol

His website is here and I HIGHLY recommend his services.  I found him because I listened to a Blossom Goodchild video (here) about him and other things she was sharing and her testimonial alone was convincing enough for me along with what I felt to go to his site and check him out.  I have been listening to Blossom for many years and AND doing her I AM mantra.  She is the real deal too!😉💖 

I also bought his book (ONEO) after I had already become a member on his platform and was doing the meditations.  CAUTION:  If you buy his book, start at page 324, read to the end and THEN read from the beginning.  If you start from the beginning, you may not read to the end because it could be downright depressing knowing what happened to this man!  People were downright HORRIBLE to him!😳😵😶 That's JUST MY recommendation and what I wished I had done.  I'm sure consciousness had a reason for him to start where he did.  Please READ his book!

I really want you to go to his website and peruse through so I'm not going to give a lot of details here, however, from what I saw happen to people it was just miraculous and he is SUCH a different person from the one in the book after his own miraculous healing!  His YouTube channel is here.  I suggest you watch/listen to any of the "Metaphysical Mirror" sessions that he uploaded to get an idea of what he does.  There is also one of the "Tesla 3-6-9" Meditations that he recorded that you can do while you're listening to get a taste.  It will have the same or nearly the same effect as if you were doing it live with him, however, have NO expectations and just allow yourself to experience what he does.

I did not feel anything in the meditations until about a week in and, mind you, I had already been feeling "happy for no reason" of my own accord,(see the previous post) however, something besides the dream I had the night before I signed up, was telling me that this was the last puzzle piece, if you will, to my own completion of this leg of my journey.  If you have followed my blog at all you'll understand that I have this one nagging part of my ego left that just won't quit with the judgment!

The night before I signed up, I was dreaming that I was outside and it was dark and as I looked into the sky, I saw two Blue UFO's above me.  One was brighter than the other and the dimmer one was following the brighter one.  As my dream progressed, I found myself in someone else's house, then on a farm and finally in a restaurant where, the whole time, I was trying to "find my way out".  I'm still interpreting this dream and even as I remember now, three weeks later, I'm having more clarity of it.

The next day, when I signed up and I was looking at the meditations available, I noticed there was one called "Blue Light Love" and I knew my dream was about connecting with this couple and becoming a member!

A week into my membership, we had just finished what he calls "Tesla 3-6-9" and I had felt some tingling in my head and warmth of my feet and lower back.  I raised my hand to share.  (all these meditations happen live on a zoom call) I was the first to raise my hand and (they) called on me!  I told him I had only been there a week (it was my 4th meditation) and he was surprised that I was feeling the vibrations already.  Most people take quite a while before they feel anything and I didn't tell them (he and his wife) that I had been doing my own inner "parts" work for many years.

I still want to kick myself for not sharing more and for not asking about what I had wanted to like most people do.  I know, like most people, I'm dealing with some "un-worthyness" issues and that was what was holding me back.  I've only got 4 meditations left for this month before I have to re-up for another month.  I was really hoping to only do this for a month.

I do not have the same reactions that some people have, yet I have also not had the one on one time with him that I've seen other people have so it's hard for me to know just how much I'm getting out of this based on what I've already done for myself.  

Still, this man... you just have to read for yourself what he went through "the day he died" and how he came out of it without an inner voice and having the gift of communicating with Consciousness.

Granted, this will not be for everyone and he knows this, however, if it resonates with you, I suggest you start!  It's VERY affordable and done on a donation and "pay it forward" basis.  ENJOY!💝💖💪😇😘

The BIG Question... 😉

For as long as I can remember, I've always had this Big question... not "Who am I" or "What's my Purpose" although those questions were in the back of my mind also. 

Ever since I learned at an early age about reincarnation, MY question was always, "If I've come here over and over again, why is my consciousness here in THIS lifetime?"

Well, today, I got the answer to that question.  A few months ago, I became aware of Daniel Scranton.  He has a website/blog where he posts channeled messages from the Arcturians; a group of non-physical beings who are in the process of their own ascension and are assisting us with ours by giving us relevant and helpful information as to our collective progress and by sharing their current perspective of us.  You can access his website to see all the daily messages on the front page of my blog.  Look for Daniel Scranton.com under "links"

Today's message, while it wasn't specifically about my question, gave me the necessary information to receive insight about my question and connect some dots so-to-speak relevant to answering my own question!  I suggest you read this short message from the Arcturians FIRST before reading the rest of this post.

*********

Of course!  Now it makes sense to me why I've chosen this lifetime to Be Here Now.  One of the bits of information that I acquired later in life is that (from a spiritual perspective) everything is happening at once.  It has taken a long time for my mind to wrap around THAT one!  😜 This is the lifetime where I have gathered and studied many sources of Spirituality and incorporated most of it so that I could "do the work" I talk about... to not only know my ego from doing this work but also share what I've learned with the other aspects of myself that are "out there" in other lifetimes and dimensions/densities of physical existence.  This is the lifetime for most of us to "wake up". 

Waking up, I have found happens in waves and layers.  There are many aspects to "waking up".  The last, I believe, is to awaken to the other aspects of our consciousness that are being affected by the work we do on ourselves.  The healing we do is not in a linear sense.  Everything we do on THIS physical plane affects ALL aspects of ourselves on other planes BECAUSE everything is happening at once. 

We can not and will not be able to merge with our Higher Selves on this plane until we fully heal all the trauma from all the other lifetimes that we've had here.

As we do this work on healing our trauma, I have found that the many aspects of my own ego re-integrate with my core self and as that happens I believe we also heal and integrate the other aspects of our Soul on different planes.  We don't have to heal them one at a time!

As the different parts of our Soul heal, they also re-integrate with the Greater part of our Soul; our "Higher Self".  As they re-integrate, I believe that is when we get access to all the wisdom and gifts that each particular aspect had in each "past" lifetime that we can then utilize in THIS lifetime!  Oooh how exciting!

Reading today's messages from the Arcturians is very exciting indeed because it's about the last few months of this year!  It gives me a boost of confidence that I will indeed finish the healing that I started in earnest back in 2013!  It has been a long road of recovery and I look forward to letting go of the rest of what does not serve me and to the re-integration with my Higher Self!  The End is Near!😂💖👍

Misunderstandings of Psychopathic and Narcissistic Behavior

First of all, let me be clear; my intention in sharing my perspective on these behavior patterns is to inform, enlighten and educate from my own personal experience.  I am only my OWN expert of my OWN psychology.  I don't pretend to know all the answers, know what others have been through or know the path of anyone else.  That said, having done my own "inner work" I do have a pretty good understanding of how behaviors become pathological and that people DO and CAN change.  They just have to want to.  They have to be WILLing to do their own "inner work".

My experience came from being in a relationship with a man who displayed these behaviors.  It wasn't until he finally left that I started to question what had happened to me in this relationship and those questions led me to Maui where I found a group of people (The Maui Forum) that I got involved with who were also doing research on self healing.  It was these people that found IFS which I talk about in a previous post.  You can find many books about it here.  I personally recommend "Self Therapy" by Jay Earley PhD.  This book is a self guide to doing the inner work I talk about based on the work of Richard C. Schwartz.

I say that these behaviors are misunderstood because THEY ARE.  I'm talking about the average person who, because they may or may not have had contact with people who use the strategies associated with the behavior don't understand that they are merely PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR and STRATEGIES for getting needs met.  They assume that people are their behaviors and this is simply not true.  If you are unaware of what the markers of this behavior are, see a good source here. I encourage you to click on all the links in the article to further educate yourself.  Gary is a great writer.

I'm dismayed by the attitudes people choose to have about people who suffer from these behaviors!  They would rather push away and not deal with these people at all.  I don't blame people for that at all; I understand that but in not KNOWING YOUR SELF (your lower or ego self) this is exactly what we do to our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors that we aren't willing to deal with in ourselves!  It's because we don't take the time to "KNOW THYSELF" that we don't understand all of these behaviors and where they come from.  It was only through doing my own inner work that I understood that WE ALL have ALL of the archetypes, and behaviors available to us to use, they are just not all activated in every one of us for various reasons.  It was through accepting that I have used some of these behaviors like manipulation and entitlement to get what I thought I needed that I was able to accept the behavior that my previous partner had used with me to get what he needed.  It is probably wise that if you don't have this understanding and aren't able to come to a place of compassion for these people that you DO get away from someone who displays a lack of empathy, understanding and/or narcissistic behavior before they drain you of energy.

Love and Compassion IS what will heal these people as well as addressing some of the chemical imbalances that may be present.  While I don't use allopathic medicine myself, some of the drugs available do work to correct these imbalances; however, I think this is a short term "fix" as I do not really believe in allopathic medicine because it does not treat the whole person, just the symptoms and to me, ALL pharmaceutical are POISON.  I ONLY advocate taking that path if you are already on it.  That said, there have been many strides made using psylocybin (mushrooms) that have been shown to produce a "reset" for the emotional body and help with depression.  See the article here.

Much of this detrimental behavior is LEARNED.  Again, this is NOT who people are.  Behavior can and does change.  In dealing with my former partner, I saw evidence that he was aware of his own behavior but didn't know what to do about it and at the time, I did not have the wisdom to help him that I have now.  Let's be real here... there are some people who enjoy the hurt they inflict on others through this behavior but this hasn't always been true for them.

It starts with going through some kind of traumatic event, usually as children and from there events unfold, behaviors are learned, adopted and acted upon.  It is all very personal and it takes facing these parts of ourselves that have been traumatized to understand how it all happens.  This is the "inner work" that I advocate.  It's a direct approach to healing the psyche.  We have been taught and led to believe that the "ego" is bad, a demon and needs to die etc.  This couldn't be further from the truth!  Having that perception of yourself is exactly what keeps you in your own pathology!  Our ego is our protector, it just goes a little overboard sometimes in doing its "job".  Varying degrees of insecurity trigger the ego into its thought process.  Healing insecurity comes when you KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

The key to understanding the pathologies and behaviors in other people, it starts with understanding our own.  I can't emphasize enough to KNOW YOURSELF!  That was a thread in the movie "The Matrix".  That was what the plaque said above the kitchen door of the Oracle and the advice she gave to Neo.  Be brutally honest with yourself so you cannot be deceived by your self anymore and tackle your own issues head on.  There are many ways to doing this and it will be unique for every individual.  TRUST that given you really want a better relationship with your self, you will be guided by your OWN inner guidance.  We all have it but most of us ignore it.  You will be amazed with what you learn about yourself!  Be patient and compassionate with yourself.  The goal of doing the "inner work" is to find and live from the part of our Selves that is REAL and TRUE.  We are Love and we are ALL ONE.

I have found that by doing my own inner work, I not only understand my self better, I understand other people, have more compassion for them and I'm less likely to be deceived by them.  I also am no longer insecure because I know who I AM.  Doing this work not only helps our selves, but also helps the collective consciousness so that others find their way on this path.

How would I handle pathological and /or narcissistic behavior from someone?  Well, it's all going to depend on each individual situation and where I'm at with my self.  Mostly, I would just walk away with a smile on my face because I know I can't change anyone and that's the best thing I can do in the moment.  I know better than to engage them.  I might ask them if this is really who they choose to be and then walk away or, if I'm in a mood that I'm not going to put up with any shit, I have thoughts of telling them to fuck off but I never actually say that to people.  I allow myself to think it and I appreciate that the part of me that has that thought but it's my freedom of my Will to choose whether I act on the thought or not.

SO:  Educate yourself on this behavior so that you know what you're dealing with if you happen to engage with people who display this kind of behavior; you will be helping them immensely whether you know it or not; however, protect yourself and GET AWAY FROM THEM!  They WILL drain you of not just your energy but whatever it is they think they can get from you.  Don't feel sorry for them.  Sympathy is not the same as compassion and keeps people in their stagnant energy.    Compassion sees where they are and gives them the energy to make a change.  Don't try to "rescue" them!  They are most likely unconscious of their behavior.  The best thing you can do is leave them alone to deal with their own stuff.  That is showing them that you Love yourself enough to not allow yourself to be used. They WILL get it sooner or later and hopefully ask for help.  That is what I had to do with my last partner.  I felt so drained of energy that I didn't know what else to do.  I so believed that he was my "twin" and we were "supposed" to be together and given my own insecurities, it was very hard for me to do this but I did and I am better for it.  I found my way and he has to find his own way.  We CANNOT fix, rescue or heal anyone else.  We all MUST do it for ourselves if we are to feel empowered, confident and lead ourselves with the Love that we are.

ADDENDUM 2/3/18

I was reminded with reading this article here that EVERYONE is an empath and those who we label psychopathic have just turned theirs off.  They turn it off because, in my experience of my last partner, the pain of the often horrific trauma they have gone through gets triggered when they are around other people in pain and they just can't handle it!  They shut down.  However, as Josh says in the article, "But then Keysers asked his psychopathic volunteers to consciously empathise, and something very different happened: their brain responses were identical to the control group’s (Trends in Cognitive Science, vol 18, p 163). In other words, even if your default empathy state is “off”, you can turn it on when desired. That was an eye-opener, says Keysers: “It seemed clear that a spectrum of empathy could exist in all individuals.”  They DO have the capacity to turn it back on.  They just have to want to.  Behaviors become pathological because the strategies employed WORK.  When you do not KNOW YOUR SELF (your ego self) then you are unaware that you are even using a strategy to get a need met.  It becomes a rut, a habit and we start to think this is who we are.  But somewhere inside, we DO KNOW that we are NOT really like this.  

I watched a 60 Minutes segment about a guy who helped start the "skinhead" or White Supremacist Group and in the middle of beating the shit out of a guy, he made eye contact with him and he just STOPPED.  It took him a few years but now he has an active role in helping to STOP something he helped start.  He has constant threats made on his life.  You can watch or read about it here.  Another example that when people put their mind to it, they can and DO change! 😊