This is just SO COOL! I have to share this as an example of how, through what my roomie calls "strength through vulnerability" I empowered myself and entered a higher frequency!
Last Thursday, I made, what looked like at the time, a mistake by watching a video that a young Mom made about how she was now, instead of only paying $60, under Trump, for necessary insulin for her child was now paying $368 for the same box of insulin (and that was WITH a coupon!) under Biden's new administration. THEN, if that wasn't enough, I then went and watched a video of the pile-up of cars on black ice that happened in Fort Worth, Texas.
I LOST it... I was in tears because I knew that when I saw that Semi hit the parking lot of cars on the highway that someone had died. This truck was going at FULL SPEED and couldn't slow down. I share this so you understand the impact it had on me.
A few days later, I realized why I had had this reaction (and not before in watching similar videos). I have been following a guy who goes by MilSpecOpsMonkey (Monkey Werx) on YT and he happened to mention that his one of his friends had been one of the six people that died in that pile-up. (a piece of the puzzle of "understanding") When he shared that, I realized that in watching HIM in his videos, I had made an empathic connection with him and that's why I broke down in tears.
After I composed myself and went upstairs, I found my roomies (all three) in light banter and laughing over something that at the time, I found utterly rediculous because my mind was still on the young Mom in tears over the now high price of insulin.
When they finally acknowledged me and asked me how I was doing, I told them what I had just seen while holding back on my judgment that they were not aware of the CRISIS unfolding under the Biden administration. (We are on OPPOSITE sides of this fence... I LOVE Trump and they HATE him, so, RIGHT NOW, they are happy that Biden is the ACTING "president" lol) Little do they know...😏😉
Then, out of nowhere, I said something that I immediately regretted. I said, "... and I hate that I live with people who voted for that ASSHOLE!"😬
Well, you might imagine what THAT may have brought up!😳 It was upsetting to say the least, however, being the loving people that they are, we then went into discussion about it. Let me just say that it ended with hugs and then me kicking their ASSES at dominoes! 😂
I spent the next couple of days doing some "inner work" around my outburst. That looked like, asking where that comment had come from, how long had it been there (and I had ignored it) and generally, having a conversation with the part of myself this had come from.
Saturday morning came and the two housemates that are married to each other were going through some of their "stuff" in the kitchen and I had come upstairs to get my tea, check on the fire and do some personal things while overhearing what was going on.
I couldn't help but think, as I listened intently, that I was picking up on some elements of their argument that were being missed by one of the two.
I waited for an opportune moment to interject and asked if they were open to my insights and they both agreed rather eagerly. Details aside, I spent the next two hours, still in the kitchen, helping to dissect the argument from a neutral perspective (no taking sides was the agreement) using NVC and my own personal experience with "parts work" that they were both familiar with. That, also, ended with hugs all around and a palpable "level up" in vibration that affected everyone.
When our third housemate finally came out of hiding in his cave, I took the opportunity to share with the crew the insights I had gleaned doing my own "parts work" around my regrettable outburst.
I started to explain that while there was a very small part of me that felt like this, it wasn't true for the overall majority of my self. I also recognized that in mediating their argument, I found myself to be super focused, actively listening and engaged with the "mediator" INFP(J) type personality(ies) that I am. (I am MOSTLY and INFJ [advocate] but I fluctuate between a J and a P, which is the Mediator.)
Quite often, I don't get all the answers I'm looking for when I'm doing my "inner work" on my own. I get answers as I talk with other people who engage in active listening so I can hear myself and I realized as I was sharing with them my insights that this had been the "acid test" if you will, to find out if I could really depend on these people for safety, security and acceptance.
This part that needed to express itself had been unable to and had used this particular opportunity to do so while "testing the waters". I am mostly self reliant. The only things I rely on this couple for is a place to live and the car when I need it. Other than that, I do everything else for myself. I work for myself, I'm my own "doctor" (not dentist unfortunately) and my own best friend. This part also needed to know it was loved by others as well as myself. Getting the love and acceptance from my housemates was what allowed this part to relax and open me up to a whole new level of communication!
Other things I noticed was an increase in my ability to articulate my thoughts, less pause between connected thoughts and just an overall "level up" in my communication skills! 💪😊 Yippee! I was also noticing this in other conversations I was having with different people.
Watching those videos opened the door for this protective part to come to the surface (I cried and it showed up) and then successfully express its self and be completely accepted by people who may or may not have had the capacity to do that. I think, though, that there IS some awareness of this part that there is that capacity there because the people I live with have gone through similar "parts work" sessions in therapy and have also practiced NVC (non-violent communication) as have I.
I've discovered that this protective part of my ego is connected directly to my communication center! (Throat Chakra) I now have more confidence in speaking my truth and know that while this part can be (a bitch?) If I do happen to express myself less than eloquently, I know I'll be accepted still.
I'm quite happy with "the new and improved me". Maybe this is exactly the situation I needed to allow for the confidence that was created in the wake of what could have been an awful situation that, instead, was allowed to bloom into something we all benefited from.💗👏
