A week ago, I went to a favorite hot spring in southern Colorado with a few micro-doses of Psilicybin (magic mushroom) with the intention of doing a mild "reset" to help my (last) ego part to see that it CAN trust my True Self (Love) so that it would stop with these intense and hateful thoughts of other people.
I took one when I first got there last Monday and forgot about Tuesday so then I took 2 at once on Wednesday, the day before I left. I can't really say with any confidence that I got what I intended, however, the day after I got home, I went through a really "rough" day with myself. It was so bad I was in tears!
I wanted to know where this was coming from; like, was it even MINE? I can't remember EVER having such derogatory thoughts about other people SO intensely!
It suddenly occurred to me that this behavior I noticed in myself was the same that I had experienced with an old boyfriend that still lives in Hawai'i that, at the time, displayed some very unacceptable behavioral patterns which we call "narcissism".
Eventually, I got intuitively that it was NOT mine and that it WAS coming from my "twin flame" ex-boyfriend in Hawai'i. I did some checking with kinesiology and a card reading to confirm what I was getting. I didn't really need to do that because the RELIEF that I felt was good enough. It was SUCH a relief to know where this was coming from and that it was NOT mine. I understood, then, that this is what (he) must be going through with himself. I felt such compassion for him that I cried.
To be clear here, the THOUGHTS I was having were his but the FEELINGS about those thoughts we my own.
I got on the phone with my stepdad who gave me some insights of his own about my situation and then my girlfriend in Hawai'i that has lived with me to ask her what she remembered about my behavior that I described to her that is characteristic of this part and I shared my revelation with her.
She confirmed what I knew about myself about my behavior. He and I shared some of those behavioral patterns but not to the degree that I had on my own.
What I received intuitively is that, as Twin Flames, we are so "entangled" with each other on an energetic level that we are able and have been helping each other. His help came in the form of the most difficult relationship I've ever been in in my life that forced me to question who I was and who I had been in that relationship as well as propel me onto the path where I found "self love".
I have been helping him over that past 12 years since we first met; which explains a LOT. I even got evidence of that entanglement when I was him the last time. We hugged each other and my necklace got hooked on the shoulder strap of his backpack.😂
I decided to call the last number I had for him but it didn't go through so I called his Sister to share with her what I had discovered and to ask her to contact him for me so I could share my revelation with him also in an effort to help him understand himself better.
Not 10 minutes after I hung up with her, he called me back! We talked for half and hour or so and texted for a bit after we hung up.
He has been going through some intense experiences with himself over that last couple of years and the last couple of months especially. He shared what he had been going through and it made sense to me finally why I had always seen his "number" (the numbers in his birthday) and why I had seen them more over the last few months. I've been picking up on him telepathically.
I've got a sense that he is still struggling with himself and still does not know himself as much as he thinks or needs to in order to heal the traumas that he's been through. I have no doubt, though, that he will find his path to healing himself just as I have.
Today, I've been feeling different. I did not have ANY derogatory thoughts about anyone (so far) and I also had more patience than usual with the dogs that I walk and I just have a "lighter" feeling that I haven't felt since I got back from my trip to Florida in April. The brief interactions I've had with people just this morning have felt lighter as well.
I want to say that my revelation and my conversations with my stepdad, girlfriend and my ex are what has enabled me to move beyond this "stuff" and what I do now, rather than just be annoyed or ignore what I hear in my head that I don't like is to say, "Thank you and now I send you back to your Source with Love." This is so much better than what I was doing before and I did that yesterday. Yesterday, I was still having some of the same thoughts, however, with my new awareness I was able to have more compassion for myself, this part and my ex. (EDIT) I have to add... it also occurred to me which was corroborated by this video HERE (in the 1st 10 minutes) that I had the desire to know what it was like to feel what a "narcissist" was going through personally. This came after a discussion with a friend of what he's going through with a narcissistic female and I had a moment of compassion for her thinking that it must really SUCK to go through that with yourself.
Having the understanding that this was not mine was what was missing that wasn't allowing me to move beyond it. It's not like I haven't known about "sending it back with Love" before; it just didn't seem appropriate until my realization.
I share this story to help you who read this that there are SO MANY ways that we can resolve our issues. It never occurred to me (until it did lol) that this wasn't mine or that it would have been coming from someone I know. Don't ever give up on yourself! Ask yourself questions to understand yourself and be patient with yourself. The Uni-verse really does work in mysterious ways!💖💜💪
