So last night I finally got to talk with my best friend; Sister-from-another-Mister and it was such a relief to have someone JUST listen to me with their heart and not their head; to listen to understand and not respond. She is the ONLY person I have found that I can talk to openly and candidly without feeling as if I'm being judged in any way. I do the same for her. We have a mutual understanding of each other and I believe this came about through our meeting at Pangaia almost 8 years ago on the Big Island. We also participated in a medicinal plant ceremony where we truly connected.
I described to her in more detail than I put in the blog what had been going on in my head and my frustration in not making any head-way with myself as to finding out more about why this was still going on even though I got some (partial) answers. I also found a vid made just a couple of weeks ago that explains some of this too... I could explain this myself but it's nice to find a video where someone other than me is aware of what's going on!
A side note here... talk therapy only works if you know how to listen to yourself. It is ONLY ourselves we need to listen to whether it be our inner guidance (intuition) or our talk out loud (unconscious inner talk).
It telling her what I was experiencing, I heard myself say that I didn't want to have to explain myself to people. That was what I needed to hear to understand that this snarky-badass didn't want to explain itself to inner me!
After getting off the phone with Ima, I started to explore a bit on my own as to why this part felt the way it did. What I got was that this part had been doing it's "job" for a long time and was tired of it. This part seems to be one of the first "created" in protecting my hurt Soul. I can only guess that it's around abuse I experienced in childhood that I have yet to remember.
When I first started doing "parts work" with the Maui Forum people, I made some mistakes in telling parts I'd get back to them and then never did. One of the reasons why it can be difficult to do this work on your own is that "life" gets in the way; the busywork we get involved with living in this society. A job, taking care of children, eating and anything else that distracts us from just BEING with ourselves gets in the way. This was the reason my inner guidance brought me to Hawaii to do this work; so that there we no such distractions.
I had made contact with a part that I had told I'd get back to and didn't. This part is now frustrated and untrusting of the "me" that is trying to work with it. I haven't appreciated the job it has done in protecting the Soul fragment that was traumatized. It's also aware that I have been "pushing" to know what it was that happened to me without giving consideration to this part; that I have to go through "him" first.
That's as far as I got and for now, it seems like this part has calmed down because it got some attention (self love) from my Core Self and understanding.
I'm still very sensitive to my surroundings and the rising energies and violence I was watching have made me more so. It takes me a while to become accustomed to the "upgrade" in sensitivity and forces me to open my heart more to have more compassion for my self and consequently "others".
I feel very fortunate that I do have the time to do this mental/emotional exploration and I'm more motivated to do it! It isn't necessary to do it on your own but that's where I'm at right now. I'm no longer working with the group in HI and I have found psychotherapists who have integrated using this model into their own practice and that is encouraging, however, I don't have the $$ to solicit anyone's help at this point. It's OK. I know that I can do this on my own. We never give ourselves anything we can't handle and I wouldn't be in this position if I couldn't do it.
If this "parts work" sounds like something you want to do yourself, please read my blog entry about it. There are people using this model as it is more effective than the "talk therapy" that has been used historically in the past.
Part of the reason I have kept out certain details of what I experience mentally is because too many people jump to conclusions of who I am, what I choose and who I choose to be and don't really understand THEMSELVES! The project their own unconscious SHIT onto me; unaware that they are doing so. People don't know what is in anyone else's mind except their own and they assume that everyone thinks like them when it's not true. So I avoid the judgment that other people put on my by keeping some things to myself. I don't really care what other people think of me because I'm aware that it's their own mental projection of how they think of themselves; I just would rather not deal with them not owning their shit and having to explain why it's THEIR shit and NOT MINE. I own my shit and I'm proud of that; just that I own it and don't project it. I also don't want to deal with possible repercussions of how this could affect me on a personal level with making money etc because of people's misunderstandings of me.
I guess I shouldn't be too worried, I always get what I need and so far, NO ONE has had the courage to leave me any comments on ANY of my entries. 😉🌀
I described to her in more detail than I put in the blog what had been going on in my head and my frustration in not making any head-way with myself as to finding out more about why this was still going on even though I got some (partial) answers. I also found a vid made just a couple of weeks ago that explains some of this too... I could explain this myself but it's nice to find a video where someone other than me is aware of what's going on!
A side note here... talk therapy only works if you know how to listen to yourself. It is ONLY ourselves we need to listen to whether it be our inner guidance (intuition) or our talk out loud (unconscious inner talk).
It telling her what I was experiencing, I heard myself say that I didn't want to have to explain myself to people. That was what I needed to hear to understand that this snarky-badass didn't want to explain itself to inner me!
After getting off the phone with Ima, I started to explore a bit on my own as to why this part felt the way it did. What I got was that this part had been doing it's "job" for a long time and was tired of it. This part seems to be one of the first "created" in protecting my hurt Soul. I can only guess that it's around abuse I experienced in childhood that I have yet to remember.
When I first started doing "parts work" with the Maui Forum people, I made some mistakes in telling parts I'd get back to them and then never did. One of the reasons why it can be difficult to do this work on your own is that "life" gets in the way; the busywork we get involved with living in this society. A job, taking care of children, eating and anything else that distracts us from just BEING with ourselves gets in the way. This was the reason my inner guidance brought me to Hawaii to do this work; so that there we no such distractions.
I had made contact with a part that I had told I'd get back to and didn't. This part is now frustrated and untrusting of the "me" that is trying to work with it. I haven't appreciated the job it has done in protecting the Soul fragment that was traumatized. It's also aware that I have been "pushing" to know what it was that happened to me without giving consideration to this part; that I have to go through "him" first.
That's as far as I got and for now, it seems like this part has calmed down because it got some attention (self love) from my Core Self and understanding.
I'm still very sensitive to my surroundings and the rising energies and violence I was watching have made me more so. It takes me a while to become accustomed to the "upgrade" in sensitivity and forces me to open my heart more to have more compassion for my self and consequently "others".
I feel very fortunate that I do have the time to do this mental/emotional exploration and I'm more motivated to do it! It isn't necessary to do it on your own but that's where I'm at right now. I'm no longer working with the group in HI and I have found psychotherapists who have integrated using this model into their own practice and that is encouraging, however, I don't have the $$ to solicit anyone's help at this point. It's OK. I know that I can do this on my own. We never give ourselves anything we can't handle and I wouldn't be in this position if I couldn't do it.
If this "parts work" sounds like something you want to do yourself, please read my blog entry about it. There are people using this model as it is more effective than the "talk therapy" that has been used historically in the past.
Part of the reason I have kept out certain details of what I experience mentally is because too many people jump to conclusions of who I am, what I choose and who I choose to be and don't really understand THEMSELVES! The project their own unconscious SHIT onto me; unaware that they are doing so. People don't know what is in anyone else's mind except their own and they assume that everyone thinks like them when it's not true. So I avoid the judgment that other people put on my by keeping some things to myself. I don't really care what other people think of me because I'm aware that it's their own mental projection of how they think of themselves; I just would rather not deal with them not owning their shit and having to explain why it's THEIR shit and NOT MINE. I own my shit and I'm proud of that; just that I own it and don't project it. I also don't want to deal with possible repercussions of how this could affect me on a personal level with making money etc because of people's misunderstandings of me.
I guess I shouldn't be too worried, I always get what I need and so far, NO ONE has had the courage to leave me any comments on ANY of my entries. 😉🌀
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