This is actually a continuation of the last few entries so I encourage you to read them first if you haven't yet. I want to add here that anything you see in " ", is because the word(s) is/are either metaphorical in nature (drops in the ocean) or it is a common word used that people have a misunderstanding about (other, negative) and I'm giving it a more rounded meaning.
I called my girlfriend, Ima, back and asked her about Marshall Rosenberg's book "The Surprising Purpose of Anger", which I knew she read. Inner guidance was urging me to read this book. I asked her how many pages it was and she texted back 44. I found it at my local library and started reading it online. I got through it in just a few hours; finishing it around 5:30 in the morning after waking up at 5:00. (Marshall Rosenberg is the founder of NVC "NonViolent Communication")
I went back to sleep, feeling sleepy from the information I had just taken in. I dreamt about sitting at a table with 3 other people, one of whom was helping me with some "inner work". I interrupted this person and started talking about what I didn't agree with in what I had read. I started explaining to the two other people what I meant and they were so curious and open to what I had to say and I remember being very articulate in conveying my thoughts to them. They were actually taking notes! lol
I woke up from the dream thinking I needed to have another conversation with Ima. Ima is the ONE person that I can talk with about ANYTHING and it gets deep very quickly. She is my go-to person when I need to talk about something that is bothering me or when I want to have a discussion about an idea I have or I want her input, like on this book, because I have found an inaccuracy in what I had read and this was what my dream had been about.
I had to wait to call her because she is several hours behind me and I had other things I had to do also so I didn't get to call her back until yesterday evening.
Marshall's book is very good, don't get me wrong. I agree with everything (mostly) because he discovered through doing his own inner work that his anger was about his judgment of other people. He gives an example of working with a man in prison as a way to illustrate how to work with someone on this. What I also agree with is that he didn't make himself "wrong" about the violent thoughts he would have related to the anger he felt. What was surprising to me is that he said he ENJOYED these thoughts! I have similar thoughts but I don't necessarily enjoy them. There is a certain ego satisfaction that I get from calling someone a name like "moron" "idiot" or "dumbass" (in my head) but it's attached to the adrenaline rush (trickle?) I get that comes with annoyance.
What I felt was missing in this work of his, from the IFS work I've done on myself, is that "other" people are a reflection (often called a "mirror") of our own state of mind. While it may be true that the anger we feel is directly related to the thoughts we have about "others", the emotion we feel, wherever it may be on the emotional scale, would be better understood as a mis-alignment away from our TRUE selves; our Core Selves, our "god self"; not just what we are thinking about related to "others". There really is no "other"! Even though we have separate bodies from each other, we are all connected in the sense of being "drops in the ocean" as well as being the ocean. We all have the same energetic Source. Source has many names: God, Allah, Love, Energy etc etc. This is what gurus have said for centuries now; that we are all One.
So really, the thoughts we have of "others" are the thoughts we unconsciously have of ourselves. The "negative" emotion we feel is how our higher Self is communicating to us the degree of our misalignment away of our True Selves. This is why emotions are so important! They are really our "guide" in communication of our god selves to our bodies how aligned we are or not to the Truth. Feelings and emotions DO NOT DECEIVE! The mind will use deception as a tool to distract us from the truth.
It's obvious to me that Marshall did not understand the fact that we are all One and he was correct in pointing out that there is a need behind the anger and that the trigger or stimulus of the anger is different than the evaluation we have of that stimulus. Many people are unaware of the thoughts that occur between the stimulus and the evaluation. Marshall addresses this. We conclude (erroneously) that the stimulus is the cause of our anger when in reality it is the evaluation of the other person.
He then addresses finding the need behind the anger which then points to the fear behind the anger of the need not getting met. Keep in mind here, the ego is the only one with "needs". If our Core Selves has ANY need, it's to understand our selves; i.e. "Know Thyself" (Socrates).
His "mis-take", in my opinion is thinking that the "other" needs to get why we are angry. This is where it got a little nebulous for me... what I mean is that from what I have learned, we only need to understand ourselves. That need is projected onto "others" as, "I need you to understand why I am angry", occurs when we don't understand our own needs, fears and psychology.
I had a conversation about this with myself and this was what some of my dream was about also. I debated with myself how (this) could work in transforming anger of someone and have a lasting effect without (them) taking responsibility of knowing themselves (saying I need the "other" to get me).
Now that Marshall is no longer with us, I can't ask him if he checked back with clients that he had worked with to see if this practice had lasting results. I say that because even though he had done this with himself, he still had violent thoughts of what he could do to other people and from my experience, as we heal different aspects of ourselves, that transforms into visions of helping these people with the understanding that the suffering that they have experienced IS the cause of their behavioral problems. I really got that when I understood this about myself. The reason, "Know Thyself" is so important is that by knowing and understanding yourself, you then understand why others do what they do and you can empathize because of your own experience. It removes the need to blame and shame because you realize they are just unaware of their own misunderstanding.
The conclusion I came to is that this is kind of a "back door" way of getting someone to connect with their feelings (Truth) and empathizing with their "victim" so to speak and having compassion for the "other" that they have hurt through their actions or words. This is a key component to this work as Marshall mentions. I find his way of doing this kind of practice somewhat manipulative, however, I think it works as a beginning for people who do not have the understanding that they are responsible for ALL thoughts and feelings they have. No one likes to hear that. They take it as they need to blame themselves and that is TOTALLY unnecessary and a waste of energy. The word "responsibility" has been totally skewed in its definition in the minds of people and is NOT the bad word we make it! Even the dictionary erroneously uses the word "blame" in its definition. TRUE responsibility is without blame. Responsibility is not the same as "fault" and it comes with a deep feeling of confidence in one's Self when it is understood properly.
Truly, from my own experience, when you fully accept yourself and all your thoughts and feelings about yourself and you forgive your self, NO ONE can hurt you because there is no longer any pain left to get "triggered". Sadly, this is also a key component to Marshall work that is MISSING! No where does he mention anything about forgiveness and that could be why he still had violent thoughts about "others".
Most people misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness. It is FOR the person doing the forgiving and does NOT condone the words or actions of the person who "hurt" us. Forgiveness allows us to release the pain that was triggered by the words/actions of the "other". When we take it to a deeper level and realize/understand how we have personalized our trauma, we also understand that it's really only our selves we need to forgive. To understand what I mean here, you also have to have an understanding of our overall collective purpose here.
That is what was so frustrating to me that this came up for me and that I was obviously getting triggered by what I considered was overt stupidity and unconsciousness of "others". When I own that, I see that I'm bothered by what is still unconscious in ME! My Self is telling me through the annoyed and irritated feelings I have that I'm out of alignment with how I'm thinking about my Self that I see/hear reflected back to my by the "other".
It was a reminder I SO needed. I have been aware for quite some time that I had more "work" to do with myself and as I mentioned in the previous entry, I had made some errors in how I dealt with the parts associated with protecting my traumatized Self. This part has obviously surfaced but I hadn't really connected the dots and realized that this is another "layer" of trauma, if you will, that I need to deal with. On a positive note, the dream I had was one way that I(we) have of doing my/our inner work. Upon awaking from my slumber, I was aware of a shift of energy that I had. I don't think that I have completely finished with this part but I have definitely made some progress with myself and I'm hoping that this part will now trust me enough to come forward again so I can gain a greater understanding of why this part is here and what part of my Soul it is protecting.
I see the connections between everything so I encourage you to come back to read the next entry where I will talk about our purpose here as I understand it.
I also encourage comments about if you understand what I'm conveying. I find it ironically funny that in a way, I have a similar need to be understood that Marshall had, however, the difference being that I want to be understood because I want EVERYONE to understand themselves by doing their own inner work and have the deep happiness that is possible where as the need that Marshall expressed was a superficial need for only himself to be understood so that he could have superficial "happiness". At least that's how I understood his expression. Seeing as he did not go any deeper than needing to be understood by the "other" and not himself.
Toodles! lol😛
ADDENDUM June 9th 2018
I meant to add this when I first wrote this piece. FEAR is ALWAYS behind ANGER. Anger is a call to action. We are angry because we have NOT taken a critical action to alleviate the fear behind the anger. All we have to do to uncover the fear is ask why we are angry and it's NEVER about the "other". The "other" is just the trigger for anger at ourselves. Then ask what you're afraid of. The action that needs to be taken is one that will "walk you through the fear". There is more to this shadow work and I've already written about it. 😉💖
I called my girlfriend, Ima, back and asked her about Marshall Rosenberg's book "The Surprising Purpose of Anger", which I knew she read. Inner guidance was urging me to read this book. I asked her how many pages it was and she texted back 44. I found it at my local library and started reading it online. I got through it in just a few hours; finishing it around 5:30 in the morning after waking up at 5:00. (Marshall Rosenberg is the founder of NVC "NonViolent Communication")
I went back to sleep, feeling sleepy from the information I had just taken in. I dreamt about sitting at a table with 3 other people, one of whom was helping me with some "inner work". I interrupted this person and started talking about what I didn't agree with in what I had read. I started explaining to the two other people what I meant and they were so curious and open to what I had to say and I remember being very articulate in conveying my thoughts to them. They were actually taking notes! lol
I woke up from the dream thinking I needed to have another conversation with Ima. Ima is the ONE person that I can talk with about ANYTHING and it gets deep very quickly. She is my go-to person when I need to talk about something that is bothering me or when I want to have a discussion about an idea I have or I want her input, like on this book, because I have found an inaccuracy in what I had read and this was what my dream had been about.
I had to wait to call her because she is several hours behind me and I had other things I had to do also so I didn't get to call her back until yesterday evening.
Marshall's book is very good, don't get me wrong. I agree with everything (mostly) because he discovered through doing his own inner work that his anger was about his judgment of other people. He gives an example of working with a man in prison as a way to illustrate how to work with someone on this. What I also agree with is that he didn't make himself "wrong" about the violent thoughts he would have related to the anger he felt. What was surprising to me is that he said he ENJOYED these thoughts! I have similar thoughts but I don't necessarily enjoy them. There is a certain ego satisfaction that I get from calling someone a name like "moron" "idiot" or "dumbass" (in my head) but it's attached to the adrenaline rush (trickle?) I get that comes with annoyance.
What I felt was missing in this work of his, from the IFS work I've done on myself, is that "other" people are a reflection (often called a "mirror") of our own state of mind. While it may be true that the anger we feel is directly related to the thoughts we have about "others", the emotion we feel, wherever it may be on the emotional scale, would be better understood as a mis-alignment away from our TRUE selves; our Core Selves, our "god self"; not just what we are thinking about related to "others". There really is no "other"! Even though we have separate bodies from each other, we are all connected in the sense of being "drops in the ocean" as well as being the ocean. We all have the same energetic Source. Source has many names: God, Allah, Love, Energy etc etc. This is what gurus have said for centuries now; that we are all One.
So really, the thoughts we have of "others" are the thoughts we unconsciously have of ourselves. The "negative" emotion we feel is how our higher Self is communicating to us the degree of our misalignment away of our True Selves. This is why emotions are so important! They are really our "guide" in communication of our god selves to our bodies how aligned we are or not to the Truth. Feelings and emotions DO NOT DECEIVE! The mind will use deception as a tool to distract us from the truth.
It's obvious to me that Marshall did not understand the fact that we are all One and he was correct in pointing out that there is a need behind the anger and that the trigger or stimulus of the anger is different than the evaluation we have of that stimulus. Many people are unaware of the thoughts that occur between the stimulus and the evaluation. Marshall addresses this. We conclude (erroneously) that the stimulus is the cause of our anger when in reality it is the evaluation of the other person.
He then addresses finding the need behind the anger which then points to the fear behind the anger of the need not getting met. Keep in mind here, the ego is the only one with "needs". If our Core Selves has ANY need, it's to understand our selves; i.e. "Know Thyself" (Socrates).
His "mis-take", in my opinion is thinking that the "other" needs to get why we are angry. This is where it got a little nebulous for me... what I mean is that from what I have learned, we only need to understand ourselves. That need is projected onto "others" as, "I need you to understand why I am angry", occurs when we don't understand our own needs, fears and psychology.
I had a conversation about this with myself and this was what some of my dream was about also. I debated with myself how (this) could work in transforming anger of someone and have a lasting effect without (them) taking responsibility of knowing themselves (saying I need the "other" to get me).
Now that Marshall is no longer with us, I can't ask him if he checked back with clients that he had worked with to see if this practice had lasting results. I say that because even though he had done this with himself, he still had violent thoughts of what he could do to other people and from my experience, as we heal different aspects of ourselves, that transforms into visions of helping these people with the understanding that the suffering that they have experienced IS the cause of their behavioral problems. I really got that when I understood this about myself. The reason, "Know Thyself" is so important is that by knowing and understanding yourself, you then understand why others do what they do and you can empathize because of your own experience. It removes the need to blame and shame because you realize they are just unaware of their own misunderstanding.
The conclusion I came to is that this is kind of a "back door" way of getting someone to connect with their feelings (Truth) and empathizing with their "victim" so to speak and having compassion for the "other" that they have hurt through their actions or words. This is a key component to this work as Marshall mentions. I find his way of doing this kind of practice somewhat manipulative, however, I think it works as a beginning for people who do not have the understanding that they are responsible for ALL thoughts and feelings they have. No one likes to hear that. They take it as they need to blame themselves and that is TOTALLY unnecessary and a waste of energy. The word "responsibility" has been totally skewed in its definition in the minds of people and is NOT the bad word we make it! Even the dictionary erroneously uses the word "blame" in its definition. TRUE responsibility is without blame. Responsibility is not the same as "fault" and it comes with a deep feeling of confidence in one's Self when it is understood properly.
Truly, from my own experience, when you fully accept yourself and all your thoughts and feelings about yourself and you forgive your self, NO ONE can hurt you because there is no longer any pain left to get "triggered". Sadly, this is also a key component to Marshall work that is MISSING! No where does he mention anything about forgiveness and that could be why he still had violent thoughts about "others".
Most people misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness. It is FOR the person doing the forgiving and does NOT condone the words or actions of the person who "hurt" us. Forgiveness allows us to release the pain that was triggered by the words/actions of the "other". When we take it to a deeper level and realize/understand how we have personalized our trauma, we also understand that it's really only our selves we need to forgive. To understand what I mean here, you also have to have an understanding of our overall collective purpose here.
That is what was so frustrating to me that this came up for me and that I was obviously getting triggered by what I considered was overt stupidity and unconsciousness of "others". When I own that, I see that I'm bothered by what is still unconscious in ME! My Self is telling me through the annoyed and irritated feelings I have that I'm out of alignment with how I'm thinking about my Self that I see/hear reflected back to my by the "other".
It was a reminder I SO needed. I have been aware for quite some time that I had more "work" to do with myself and as I mentioned in the previous entry, I had made some errors in how I dealt with the parts associated with protecting my traumatized Self. This part has obviously surfaced but I hadn't really connected the dots and realized that this is another "layer" of trauma, if you will, that I need to deal with. On a positive note, the dream I had was one way that I(we) have of doing my/our inner work. Upon awaking from my slumber, I was aware of a shift of energy that I had. I don't think that I have completely finished with this part but I have definitely made some progress with myself and I'm hoping that this part will now trust me enough to come forward again so I can gain a greater understanding of why this part is here and what part of my Soul it is protecting.
I see the connections between everything so I encourage you to come back to read the next entry where I will talk about our purpose here as I understand it.
I also encourage comments about if you understand what I'm conveying. I find it ironically funny that in a way, I have a similar need to be understood that Marshall had, however, the difference being that I want to be understood because I want EVERYONE to understand themselves by doing their own inner work and have the deep happiness that is possible where as the need that Marshall expressed was a superficial need for only himself to be understood so that he could have superficial "happiness". At least that's how I understood his expression. Seeing as he did not go any deeper than needing to be understood by the "other" and not himself.
Toodles! lol😛
ADDENDUM June 9th 2018
I meant to add this when I first wrote this piece. FEAR is ALWAYS behind ANGER. Anger is a call to action. We are angry because we have NOT taken a critical action to alleviate the fear behind the anger. All we have to do to uncover the fear is ask why we are angry and it's NEVER about the "other". The "other" is just the trigger for anger at ourselves. Then ask what you're afraid of. The action that needs to be taken is one that will "walk you through the fear". There is more to this shadow work and I've already written about it. 😉💖
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