Lost...

Here I stand at a crossroads; unsure of what direction to go in.  I'm no longer satisfied with my life.  I'm bored with my clothes, my job, where I live and who I live with.  I have little to no patience with other people and all their bullshit. 

I still have this super critical part of myself that just won't let go... to just be OK with how things are in my environment.  I'm so over myself.  I'm weary of needing control over the kitchen and how things are done.  Honestly, I can't tell if I'm just refining my preferences or if it's a projection of a control issue.  I don't feel the need to control other people, just where I live.  

This last weekend was rough for me.  I was dog sitting and I have wanted to be done with this family for a long time.  I just don't resonate with them.  They are good people with bad habits and ways of living I don't agree with that extends to their pets.  Let that be all I say about THAT!😆

I know I'm going through a Saturn Return (2nd) and that's probably part of it.  Neptune also went into Aries on Sunday.  That is HUGE!  I'm not sure what I am feeling is connected to that but I'm hoping that it will help clear things up as it's the clarity of Aries and Neptune is hopes and dreams.

I know this feeling is temporary but at the same time, it feels like I'll never get over it.  I hate being in this space.  It just sucks.  Life feels like it has no meaning to it and like I'm just going through the motions.  

I feel like I'm in a self-created prison and there's no way out.  I feel lost...

I watched this movie, "Life List" and parts of it made me cry because I could so relate to the main character.  She had fallen in a "hole" in her life and her Mom knew it and made her complete this "life list" she had written when she was 13 before she could receive her inheritance.  

I cried because that's how I feel; like I'm in a hole that I have no idea how to get out of.  I've given up on dreams or just plain forgot about them.

I used to love my life; it really worked for me and now I hate it.  I've been pet/house sitting for over 10 years!  I love the pets but I'm done with taking responsibility for other people; whatever that may be.  I need something different and I have no idea what that "something" is.  I definitely will NOT work for someone else.  I've worked for myself way too long for that.  

What I'd really LOVE is to be independently wealthy so I can do what I want which is to travel the world with a partner seeing all the sacred sites in all the different countries.  Is that too big of a dream...?

I wrote my own "life list".  There is only one thing that I've wanted to do that is checked off already and that's to be a DJ.  I got to do it at our local radio station back in 2019.  I only did two.  My second was an attempt to be creative.  I wrote a story using just song titles and then played all the songs.  The people at KGNU weren't impressed.  It was very stressful because I was afraid I would mess up.  I didn't but I realized that I wasn't going to cut it as a DJ because, while I like listening to music, I don't really know much about it nor do I care.  I just know I NEED A MICROPHONE!

My only inspiration right now is this beautiful man whom I met while I was volunteering at the radio station, at a bike shop and a spiritual center.  I met him at the bike shop and then found out he was also volunteering at the same spiritual center doing healing work.  He lives in Brazil and ever since he left, he has said I'm welcome to visit.  It wasn't until this year when I reached out to see how he was that he actually said I should come.

He loves his life, he's learning every aspect of the coffee business from growing to roasting and spends his free time with friends doing extreme bicycle riding.  I don't really know him well, however, he feels like family and I'm studying Portuguese so that when I go visit him I'll at least understand what people are saying.😆 I'm also hoping that there may be something there; between us that will grow but like he says, only time will tell.💖

Update 4/2/2025, next day

I wanted to add a link to my show at KGNU but the archive is no longer available.  I did find the story I wrote and the song titles are underlined.

Welcome to the strangest party where, what's going on is everyone wants to rule the world.  Why can't we be friends?  We are under pressure to get out of our heads lest our distracted minds lead us to be another brick in the wall.  We must get up, stand up and free (y)our minds and come undone to find the groove (is) in (the)our heart.  We must put our light on and drive ourselves to find our higher ground for the goal is elevation.

All you need is now to become your own personal Jesus.  One thing leads to another as you doowutyalike to be everloving and addicted to Love.

This revolution is our finest hour to overcome our dark necessities.  Imagine, as Love spreads, we will come together and be One Love.  Let's work together to become one and bring joy to the world for WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!

That story above is my ode to our ascension

I also listened to THIS VIDEO from Lee Harris who does regular monthly energy readings for the collective.  What he had to say was SPOT ON!  I suggest you listen

"Immigration"

 I'm posting my comment to an article I read that's about Boulder.  This is where I live and it's a "sanctuary city".  Personally, I'm DONE with this BS.  I've included the article here so that you have the background and I'm including my comment because it has to be "accepted" before it's published.  Given that I'm in disagreement with what they are saying (basically they will be telling people how they can shelter illegal immigrants from ICE) and I'm not sure that the "facts" they presented are accurate with regard to warrants; there is no guarantee that my comment will be published.  

My comment:

I’m all for immigration, however, I want to KNOW that these people came here LEGALLY. I want Boulder to be DONE as a sanctuary city. There is NO WAY of telling who is a criminal and who isn’t by looking at them and that is a BIG problem. All you have to do is go to Nextdoor and read the threads of how crime in Boulder has risen since being a “sanctuary city”. The only people who have something to REALISTICALLY fear are those who came here illegally and those who hired some of these people who are afraid they may have to do their own house cleaning, yard work or lose their favorite fast food restaurant. The “Swamp” is deep and wide and people are kidding themselves if they think corruption isn’t found in Boulder. Personally, I’m grateful that the wall is being finished, people are being sent back to where they came from and criminals are being put where they belong. Let’s not forget, OBAMA deported MILLIONS of people so let’s not cry “boo-hoo” just yet. Let those who came here as “victims” go back and elect a leader that will put them first so that they can be proud of the country they came from instead of running away “for a better life somewhere else”. It’s high time EVERY human being stands up for themselves to be treated as such! Why should we be protecting these people when we have people that LIVE HERE LEGALLY that need to come first?! Let the chips fall where they may.  

Also, there doesn’t seem to be any consideration in this article to the people living here that are afraid to walk down the street alone or be out at night because they’re not sure if the person following them or ahead of them may be a criminal? You can’t just make this one sided. Boulder LEGAL residents MUST come FIRST!