So much is going on right now...I find myself in a similar but less intense place where Brandon Bays was in her book The Journey. I have to move by the end of December, my job at Art Mart will be ending also, at least, I have no idea what is going to happen when Art Mart closes at the end of December so they can move. The owner has been less than communicative about what is going on. No one knows if they are going to have a job at the end of the year. I'm assuming that I won't be helping to move the store and I really don't want to help move the store as I will be moving myself too!
And the worst...the one man I had hopes of creating a romantic relationship with went in another direction with someone else. I'm not mad about any of this, in fact, I'm pretty excited about having another opportunity to create what I want. And while I'm happy for my friend Lawrence and his new love, I'm truly bummed that I' not engaged in my own romantic relationship with the man of my dreams. To me, Lawrence is the perfect example of what I want in a man. It's just too bad he's not available and the sad part is-he was when I met him! I don't blame him for his choice and I'm glad he's happy. I'm just feeling stuck in being sad about having what I wanted slip through my fingers.
I also know the more I dwell in the 'not having', the more my situation will stay the same; the more I will create the 'not having'. I manifested what I wanted in a living situation~ rent in exchange for something other than $$ although, I neglected to include what I wanted my roommate(s) to be like. And now I get to do it again but this time be more specific and include everything. I know I can do it again. It's really just re-patterning myself in a new, more productive habit.
That's what I like about the Journey process~it does that-the re patterning! I have only scratched the surface of my 'shit' as they call it~yes they don't worry about being pc at the Journey Intensive...They call it like it is! lol ~and I can tell there is a lot more to let go of. I feel like I'm jumping around here...the more I try to express myself here, the more I realize how words do little to convey what is really being said. I am starting to see the holographic picture of things...different perspectives adding dimension to every situation I observe.
And that's another thing I've noticed that's changing about me...I feel myself being the observer without judgment and a participant at the same time. There is a lot of chaos going on around me but I'm ok with it, even my own. I know everything is going to be ok. Some aspects of my life just suck right now and I think that the energy of this day in general is why I am so in my shit right now! lol
Maybe I'm feeling everyone else too. My own perspective of 'I'm so bummed I don't have a (soul)mate' is drawing to me those people who are also in a negative perspective of their situation. I've noticed, when I feel good and have a positive outlook, I don't notice the people who are in a negative perspective, I'm not drawn to them or they go the other way. That's what I'm talking about!!! Noticing those kinds of things. It is not as easy describing my experience in words as it used to be because of all the perspectives I'm seeing. It would almost be easier to paint a picture. I have thought of that to describe some of my dreams~painting a picture. One of those things I just think of but never do... I feels shifts going on.
I did a Journey process for a mutual friend of me and my housemate that was staying here for the last week. I felt her shift when she got to the heart of her source. I felt it! I knew she was there and what a relief it was for her.
I don't know why I feel this depression. It's not mine for sure. I'm not depressed about anything but I do know that before I am going to manifest what I want this time, I have to do an Abundance Journey and clear away my limiting beliefs that I have surrounding abundance and prosperity and clear my cellular memory also and replace with new positive programming.
We must empty our emotional bodies of all the negative baggage we've been unintentionally carrying around with us. All that stuff is coming to the surface anyway, so we might as well help it along with Journeying. This is crucial to ascension.
I believe that I am going through this now in order to help others through it in the not-too-distant-future. I know the more I share about it, the more people will want to know about it. My own experience of it is ongoing and I am experiencing a noticeable shift going on in myself. I feel myself being freed of a lot of 'shit' and some of the limiting beliefs are gone with it. The old limiting beliefs have been replaced by loving, supportive beliefs about myself. That's why I'm not too bummed about having to move and find a new job.
Now the task remains to pull myself together regarding a partner and get over losing the 'perfect' guy to someone else. I was thinking about this...maybe he wasn't as perfect for me as I thought and right now there is just no way to know because I have not had the opportunity to ask him what he wants. Maybe we don't want the same thing. I make that allowance to help me move past my pain.
I really need a journey process around this to help me do what has not become standard for me yet and that is to allow myself to move through the experience by feeling my emotions, saying what needs to be said, forgiving, and healing the experience and the root experience that this has triggered. I know that as I do more of this work, I will not continue to slap more 'shit' onto myself by stuffing my feelings. Ok, I think I'm done although I could have expounded a lot on all of the tangents here. lol I think I need to do this as a video...
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