This is a conversation I heard in my head that I thought would be good to write about. It's a post on the website/app NextDoor that I saw but chose not to comment on. It's about condemning people when they are doing their best to merge back into society after being in jail or prison for things like rape, murder, child molesting and other heinous crimes.
I already know there will be people who will not agree with me, however, hear me out anyway.😉
This is what my response would have been to the comment I saw someone post about a convicted sex offender moving into their neighborhood.
First of all, I don't agree with making it known who these people are. All it does is promote fear and judgment of the people in question. (they've already been judged and they've paid their debt or they wouldn't be out) It promotes an attitude that does not allow these people to move on and be productive members of society.
When I was in Hawai'i, I had a few women point out people (men) that were in the area that were on the sex offender website. They were well meaning in thinking that "I should know" so I could avoid these people and not be hurt by them but to be honest, I wanted to tell them to mind their own business and worry about themselves because I don't live my life in fear of other people.
One thing that people don't realize about being labeled a "sex offender" is that all one has to do to acquire that label is be caught peeing in public. Doesn't seem fare, does it? We judge people based on the labels that have been attached to them even when they are inappropriate.
Before I knew who these people were, I acted pretty normal with them. One of them was actually pretty nice and it was obvious that he was doing his best to be a better person and he was also the manager at a store so he was hard to avoid. Part of his job was interacting with the public.
After I was told who he was and I saw for myself that he was indeed on that site, I found myself more wary of him and having thoughts that I didn't like to have about him but were there nonetheless. I hadn't had those thoughts until I had the seed planted in my head of "who he was".
Most of the time I have a pretty good sense of who to avoid anyway without knowing why or having any "dirty details" about them. All of the other men were ones I avoided naturally or never saw anyway.
Having this attitude of condemnation about people's dirty labels does not allow them to move on because it keeps them in that energy. They are constantly reminded by the people around them of the "bad things" they have done in the past. It keeps the past alive and unless they are strong enough to turn a silent ear and move forward on their own without the support of their neighbors, people often lapse back into their "bad habits" because it's easier. They often don't have the strength of will and sometimes lack the desire to change because that change does not come easy. It means acknowledging the hurt that one's actions have caused people and wanting to do something about it. It means having the courage to face our darkest "demons" and coming to terms that while these are still parts of ourselves, we don't have to act on what these parts want to do like revenge, murder and the taking of power from others like rape and other sex crimes.
If people could look past the egregious acts people have done and forgive them, it would give the convicted hope because people are showing them that while they have been "bad" people, they are getting another chance to get it right and be better people. They are not being held "in the past".
Does that mean we have to accept everyone as a friend or into our home that has been convicted of a heinous crime? NO! We have to use our best intuitive guidance in any given situation. Accept them as people who have made a mistake and deserve a second chance. They wouldn't be out of jail or prison if they were still a threat to society. It doesn't mean we have to have ANY kind of relationship with them but we don't have to make it hard for them to have their second chance either!
Most people are stuck in fear about everything. Look at how that is perpetrated and supported through the media! It's not a wonder that convicts have a hard time living their life on the outside of prison because of the negative publicity they get! And what's worse is people BUY IT! They don't think for themselves and put themselves in that position to see how they would feel with that treatment.
Love heals everyone of all things. Condemning people is NOT love and does nothing to help people change and heal. Acceptance is the simplest form of love that still allows people to change. Resistance to what is only makes things worse. If you have a convicted sex offender moving into your neighborhood, keep an eye on him, not out of fear of what he might do but out of love for your family and accept that he has every right to be there. He's going to be somewhere and better out in society where he can support himself then taking up space in a privatized prison that YOU are paying for... besides, condemning is a form of judgment and judgment only hurts the person doing the judging. They are really judging themselves about something and just unaware of it.
Everyone needs our compassion and understanding especially of ourselves. It's only when we don't have it for ourselves that we don't have it for others.😉💗
I already know there will be people who will not agree with me, however, hear me out anyway.😉
This is what my response would have been to the comment I saw someone post about a convicted sex offender moving into their neighborhood.
First of all, I don't agree with making it known who these people are. All it does is promote fear and judgment of the people in question. (they've already been judged and they've paid their debt or they wouldn't be out) It promotes an attitude that does not allow these people to move on and be productive members of society.
When I was in Hawai'i, I had a few women point out people (men) that were in the area that were on the sex offender website. They were well meaning in thinking that "I should know" so I could avoid these people and not be hurt by them but to be honest, I wanted to tell them to mind their own business and worry about themselves because I don't live my life in fear of other people.
One thing that people don't realize about being labeled a "sex offender" is that all one has to do to acquire that label is be caught peeing in public. Doesn't seem fare, does it? We judge people based on the labels that have been attached to them even when they are inappropriate.
Before I knew who these people were, I acted pretty normal with them. One of them was actually pretty nice and it was obvious that he was doing his best to be a better person and he was also the manager at a store so he was hard to avoid. Part of his job was interacting with the public.
After I was told who he was and I saw for myself that he was indeed on that site, I found myself more wary of him and having thoughts that I didn't like to have about him but were there nonetheless. I hadn't had those thoughts until I had the seed planted in my head of "who he was".
Most of the time I have a pretty good sense of who to avoid anyway without knowing why or having any "dirty details" about them. All of the other men were ones I avoided naturally or never saw anyway.
Having this attitude of condemnation about people's dirty labels does not allow them to move on because it keeps them in that energy. They are constantly reminded by the people around them of the "bad things" they have done in the past. It keeps the past alive and unless they are strong enough to turn a silent ear and move forward on their own without the support of their neighbors, people often lapse back into their "bad habits" because it's easier. They often don't have the strength of will and sometimes lack the desire to change because that change does not come easy. It means acknowledging the hurt that one's actions have caused people and wanting to do something about it. It means having the courage to face our darkest "demons" and coming to terms that while these are still parts of ourselves, we don't have to act on what these parts want to do like revenge, murder and the taking of power from others like rape and other sex crimes.
If people could look past the egregious acts people have done and forgive them, it would give the convicted hope because people are showing them that while they have been "bad" people, they are getting another chance to get it right and be better people. They are not being held "in the past".
Does that mean we have to accept everyone as a friend or into our home that has been convicted of a heinous crime? NO! We have to use our best intuitive guidance in any given situation. Accept them as people who have made a mistake and deserve a second chance. They wouldn't be out of jail or prison if they were still a threat to society. It doesn't mean we have to have ANY kind of relationship with them but we don't have to make it hard for them to have their second chance either!
Most people are stuck in fear about everything. Look at how that is perpetrated and supported through the media! It's not a wonder that convicts have a hard time living their life on the outside of prison because of the negative publicity they get! And what's worse is people BUY IT! They don't think for themselves and put themselves in that position to see how they would feel with that treatment.
Love heals everyone of all things. Condemning people is NOT love and does nothing to help people change and heal. Acceptance is the simplest form of love that still allows people to change. Resistance to what is only makes things worse. If you have a convicted sex offender moving into your neighborhood, keep an eye on him, not out of fear of what he might do but out of love for your family and accept that he has every right to be there. He's going to be somewhere and better out in society where he can support himself then taking up space in a privatized prison that YOU are paying for... besides, condemning is a form of judgment and judgment only hurts the person doing the judging. They are really judging themselves about something and just unaware of it.
Everyone needs our compassion and understanding especially of ourselves. It's only when we don't have it for ourselves that we don't have it for others.😉💗
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