The new job I took on back on the 1st of March is proving to be more about dealing with some ego issues than for the extra money. I originally took it because it got me out of the roommate situation I was in an gave me the extra money to move.
Now, I'm finding that while it's been a challenge learning how to make eye-catching flyers and dealing with presenters who take their time getting me their stuff, I'm realizing that (my employer) is bringing up my "stuff"; the very defensive part of me that has yet to relinquish its position in my psyche! lol I have to laugh because, to me, it's hilarious and at the same time, very frustrating. I feel it's this part that is so tenacious of its job is the one part of me that is holding me back from being completely balanced. I'm very aware of how protective this part is and it's even more obvious when it comes to my employer because she is one of the most gentle, understanding and compassionate people I know.
I'm not the only one who makes the flyers. Sometimes my employer makes ones that she wants to look a certain way and rather than explain to me what she wants, she just does them herself. My defensive part takes offense at that; seeing it as she doesn't trust me to do it and another part thinks, "What's the big deal? She's helping you do your job!" and then I hear, "Yeah but I have to redo the flyer anyway because of the program she has used. It doesn't translate to the program I use..."
It appears, from what I've had to deal with with this part (myself) is that this part thinks it knows better than my employer how to do this job! She's been running the Caritas Center for many years now and another part of me is very aware that she knows better than I how to do this job and what she needs from me.
I'm also hesitant to follow through with requests that she makes to do things a certain way. Like today, I had to fix a link that didn't work in our bulletin that goes out every two weeks. She wanted me to send out the flyer I had made for it ahead of when I had it scheduled and I told her I was not going to send it out today as I had it scheduled for Saturday. I had to apologize to her after I thought about it for a bit and I got another email from her saying... "like I said..." I realized this part does NOT like being told what to do and also needs an explanation of WHY we need to do something a certain way. I told her this was a hold-over from when I was in the military and I don't agree with "just doing what I'm told." 😜
So it appears that having this job isn't just about the money and while it was a lot more stressful at the beginning, it is getting easier and I don't have to spend as much time "figuring things out" as I did in the beginning, however, I still question how much I need this job and I keep evaluating in my head the pros and cons of keeping it.
I am grateful that it has brought up stuff I need to work on, however, the money I get for this job doesn't seem to compensate me for the time I work on it. One of the best things about doing this job is I can do it from anywhere and the other is that I get first-hand knowledge of what events are happening. I also get to go for free to any of them if I volunteer to greet people as they come in and help set up.
I know I won't have this job forever and I can't help but think that it's helping me adjust to being busier than I'm used to being as well as helping me realize what I need to work on in my self.
I'm just grateful I can see that and I can own it!💗🙌😌
Now, I'm finding that while it's been a challenge learning how to make eye-catching flyers and dealing with presenters who take their time getting me their stuff, I'm realizing that (my employer) is bringing up my "stuff"; the very defensive part of me that has yet to relinquish its position in my psyche! lol I have to laugh because, to me, it's hilarious and at the same time, very frustrating. I feel it's this part that is so tenacious of its job is the one part of me that is holding me back from being completely balanced. I'm very aware of how protective this part is and it's even more obvious when it comes to my employer because she is one of the most gentle, understanding and compassionate people I know.
I'm not the only one who makes the flyers. Sometimes my employer makes ones that she wants to look a certain way and rather than explain to me what she wants, she just does them herself. My defensive part takes offense at that; seeing it as she doesn't trust me to do it and another part thinks, "What's the big deal? She's helping you do your job!" and then I hear, "Yeah but I have to redo the flyer anyway because of the program she has used. It doesn't translate to the program I use..."
It appears, from what I've had to deal with with this part (myself) is that this part thinks it knows better than my employer how to do this job! She's been running the Caritas Center for many years now and another part of me is very aware that she knows better than I how to do this job and what she needs from me.
I'm also hesitant to follow through with requests that she makes to do things a certain way. Like today, I had to fix a link that didn't work in our bulletin that goes out every two weeks. She wanted me to send out the flyer I had made for it ahead of when I had it scheduled and I told her I was not going to send it out today as I had it scheduled for Saturday. I had to apologize to her after I thought about it for a bit and I got another email from her saying... "like I said..." I realized this part does NOT like being told what to do and also needs an explanation of WHY we need to do something a certain way. I told her this was a hold-over from when I was in the military and I don't agree with "just doing what I'm told." 😜
So it appears that having this job isn't just about the money and while it was a lot more stressful at the beginning, it is getting easier and I don't have to spend as much time "figuring things out" as I did in the beginning, however, I still question how much I need this job and I keep evaluating in my head the pros and cons of keeping it.
I am grateful that it has brought up stuff I need to work on, however, the money I get for this job doesn't seem to compensate me for the time I work on it. One of the best things about doing this job is I can do it from anywhere and the other is that I get first-hand knowledge of what events are happening. I also get to go for free to any of them if I volunteer to greet people as they come in and help set up.
I know I won't have this job forever and I can't help but think that it's helping me adjust to being busier than I'm used to being as well as helping me realize what I need to work on in my self.
I'm just grateful I can see that and I can own it!💗🙌😌
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