This is a very personal share; even a little daring? I might say?
I'll start at the beginning. Over a year ago now, I met a young man that I felt an immediate energetic connection with. Over the course of the last year, we would see each other at a park while playing disc golf and even play together once in a while. I'll call him River even though that is not his name.
I pondered what this connection was about but never said anything to him. I am definitely physically attracted to him, however, this went beyond anything physical or sexual.
I would see him with a young woman on the weekend, just the two of them throwing together and I made the (correct) assumption that she was his girlfriend. So many times I had wanted to invite him out for a coffee or tea to feel him out so to speak to see where he was at with me as well but it never felt appropriate to do so. I thought I was feeling a similar energy in him that was attracted to me. It always felt like there was "more to talk about".
I had to wonder because the first time I ever saw him, he had his dog with him that immediately came over to me, gave me a smile and whined that "I know you" sound and gave me the biggest dog kiss! I always feel so honored to receive these kisses especially when they don't give them to just anyone. This was the case here. I think that may have really impressed River at the time and I started getting hugs from him after that. I thought at the time that maybe he was just honoring me as an elder considering I'm more than twice his age! I would also receive texts from him here and there just telling me it was good to see me when he did. He's also give me compliments on "the down low"; never looking at me directly because there were always other people around and I think he was avoiding being too obvious. He would tell me that whatever I was wearing for scent smelled good and I took the opportunity to get his number to I could send him the website from where I get it.
Well, about a month ago, It was lounging in bed trying to wind down. I was on my computer doing some stuff when I got a text from him telling me again that it was good to see me that day. I responded in kind and after he told me to have a lovely night, he sent some hearts and a 😘 and then some more hearts and then a GIF 'bubble heart'. It was a little shock but again, I was just telling myself "he's just being nice". Well this went on for a couple of hours; each of us sending different hearts to each other like it was a competition!😂 It brings a smile to my heart even this moment.
We chatted some more and tried to "hang up" three times until I daringly sent him and emoji of two people sending kisses to each other with a heart between them. He called me a tease and I said, no, flirt. Then HE says, "wish we could do something about it". My mind went wild! So finally I'm like, OK, maybe there is something here? I asked him what he was really saying. He wanted to tell me in person so we decided to see each other the next day at another park.
We mostly chatted for what didn't feel as long at it was; THREE hours! It was the most fun I'd had with a man in a long time. He confirmed that he really liked me and yes he had a girlfriend. I had been wanting to know this for so long! I think he needed to "test the waters" so to speak and we had some brief but sweet kisses with each other. He didn't really seem concerned about anyone seeing us and he even held my hand as we walked to his car and he drove me to mine.
I was a moment that I will cherish forever in my heart. He brought me back to when I was like 16 when I had my first "crush". 💖
Since then, I've had to ask myself what that was about? What was the point (for me) if he was already attached to someone? I asked him the same question and he said he just needed to feel me out to see if I felt the same. He wanted me to know he liked me. It's still not all that clear why he felt the need to do that when he was already with someone.
I'm OK with him having a girlfriend. I DID tell him I'll never be the "other woman" (again. Yeah, I've made my mistakes in the past) I'm not attached to any particular outcome of this friendship and I'm definitely satisfied with how things are. However... if they were to break up... that would change things. I'm not hoping for that at all.
So, this morning, I was lying in bed just before getting up, getting some tea and listening to Blossom Goodchild's latest channeling from the FOL and I suddenly "got" why this happened for me. I had been doing a practice of gratitude for the Arcturians in an attempt to feel their energy and it shifted to gratitude for River...
I felt this enormous gratitude toward him for just accepting me as I am, wrinkles, sagging skin and gray hair. He sees me beyond my body, feels my energy and doesn't care what I look like. It didn't even seem to phase him when I told him how old I was.
I
have gotten over all the insecurities that I have had over the years
that made me somewhat of a "doormat". However, lately as I'm getting
older (I just turned 56) a new one has crept in about how my aging body
is starting to look. I've always looked younger than my age but
wrinkles are starting to show up and I'm losing elasticity in my skin.
It's horrible what happens as we get older! lol
I have to say, it was quite the "stroking" for my ego to get this kind of attention, especially from someone as young as he is!💚
Once I got over that and all the stuff my ego mind was coming up with about this situation and I got my answer from him, I realized the gift he had given me. I was somewhat worried about meeting a man (I've been single now for over a decade) that would accept my aging body and love me for who I am. I certainly didn't expect that to come from someone so young but that makes it just that much sweeter.
This gift has given me confidence in myself once again that I haven't had for a few years now and also that there ARE GOOD Men out there that can feel/see beyond the physical to truly adore me as I AM.💚💜💓💪😇
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