Resistance

Most people offer resistance to change.  I'm pretty good with most change.  I moved a lot as a kid that got me conditioned to change pretty early on.

There are lots of things I have resisted throughout my life; mostly to avoid whatever my mind has made up around it.

I've noticed, here and there, that when I have walked through the resistance I've had to some things that I almost always get some kind of benefit from it.

As as example,  I have an opportunity to do a cold plunge with my Aikido community this Sunday.  I've always been resistant to the cold.  My. Whole. Life!  

I've not really been one to make New Year's resolution, however, I'm guided to do my best to give up ALL resistance from now on.  That's a tall order!  😆

My body is terrified at the very thought of doing this cold plunge, however, since I'm feeling all this resistance to doing it, I figured I would give it a go.  I will be with people who have done it before and will help me if I'm not able to keep from hyperventilating.

I have meant to write about my experience at One Dojo where I have been practicing Ki Akido since the end of last April.  My experience of it keeps changing and I'm finding that I can apply many of the principles of Aikido into my daily life like relaxing completely with whatever I'm doing.  That will be it's own blogpost. 

I've also recently re-discovered that when I have an opportunity to have a new relationship I often resist being myself out of fear that (he) will find something he won't like about me or I will say something that will kill it for him to be with me.  

I say re-discovered because it has been over a decade since I have had a serious relationship and I have forgotten things about myself that I had not worked out yet in my practice of "Inner Love".

I was more focused on working with the different parts of myself that are wounded and the parts that protect those parts.  I had some aspects of myself that needed attention "fall through the cracks" if you will.  

Giving up resistance to just being myself is the biggest challenge I will face with myself because of... just everything... going back into my past, I was teased about various things, bullied, squashed, put down and basically not accepted for who I am in all my crazy, zany, crafty, wild and goofy ways.  It's taken me so long to come to accept myself as I am.  I feel confident that it's not going to be as hard to do as I tell myself to practice just being me.  

I'm free to be Me.