Sadness

Sometimes, like today, I feel like I don't want to be here anymore. The only thing that keeps me going is thinking how awful it would be for my son to be without me and me without him. I feel like I could really do without people period. How can people be so insensitive to each other???! I just want all of this to be over with already!( I want to ascend!) Just so sad today...I was going to have a job walking a neighbor's dog (who really likes me by the way) and out of the blue, she calls me to say that she can't invite anybody new into her life right now with all that she's been through and she's very sensitive and "feels my judgment". Well, I never felt like I judged her, I mean she's free to live her life the way she wants~I don't care! I can't remember telling her anything that she could have construed as judgmental. I don't know if I'm crying because I feel misunderstood or if I'm just sad that I missed out on an opportunity to make some money doing something I love doing(being with animals). Probably both. Oh well, my loss in walking the dog and her loss because I would have respected the boundries she has. Her dog really loved Hober too. Too bad, now I feel like I can't take him over there to even visit him. How do I tell my son? I know this isn't the end of the world but right now, it feels like it because that was going to be the start of a new income. I am jobless right now. I have vowed to myself not to "work" for anyone else. I want to be self employed because I just can't deal with other people's crap(stuff) anymore. People don't walk their talk and it bugs me. All I want to do is pay off all my debt, go to Hawaii and become part-owner of Pangaia and teach the Laws of Creation with appropriate trades and exchanges. Is that so bad? I honestly don't want to "work" at all anymore. I have spent most of my life since I was 16 working for other people that has gotten me nowhere! Why can't I have what I want?!