OOPS, I did it again! wink wink

What is it about people that compels them to want to read about the negative things that other people go through?  Well, in my experience of learning about psychology, it's because they don't want to be the "only ones" going through their shit and they want to read/hear about what other people are going through so they can feel better about their own stuff.  It's an albeit negative way to connect with people and that's really at the heart of it.

I forget where I've heard this but it's been said that if a group of people were to lay out all their problems on a table so they could see what everyone else had and were asked if they would want to exchange their problems for someone else's that everyone would end up taking back their own.  I think that is so true.  
At least for me, when I hear about what someone else is going through, I often have thoughts of, "omg, I don't think I'd want to go through that!" or, "better you than me"; and I mean that in the sense of, we don't give ourselves anything we can't handle.  So whatever someone is going through, they are better equipped than I to handle it because THEY are the ones going through it!  
Of course you have to buy into the belief that we create our path that we want to experience BEFORE we incarnate into the body and that's a hard concept for people to swallow if they haven't done the appropriate research to come to that conclusion like I have.

I think we all go through what is called, "The Dark Night of the Soul" and it's those experiences that show us, when we come out the other side, what we're made of and that we are stronger than we think.  I have been through a few myself and I feel I'm done with that.  At least, I hope so... my experience of life now is one of joy.  I'm living one of many dreams and making money doing something I love and that I happen to be very good at.

It started for me being bullied by my own Mom and that transferred to being bullied (a bit but not a lot) in school because kids seem to sniff out someone with low self esteem to pick on them.  But the ones doing the bullying are often being bullied themselves and not all being bullied become bullies.  I didn't...  I went the opposite way and became a "doormat".  I had an intense desire to help others and that often translated into being taken advantage of in different ways.  
I was also in the military for 2 years and went through the brainwashing program that all enlistees go through to be broken down so you become compliant and don't question the established authority.  I had to get over that too!  lol

I went through many obstacles in my life and came out the other side of most of them.  There were definitely "lessons" that I had to repeat like so many other people also.  I learned to see these obstacles as "learning opportunities" instead of facing them with dread and fear.  It's hard to imagine that we'd do this to ourselves through the creation of our own experience but that is exactly the case because overcoming our obstacles empowers us and leaves us better equipped to face the next challenge:  what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

It's been a long road for me... I have had the mindset that many people still have; I bought into all the lies, the deceit, the bullshit and the kind of thinking that kept me from dealing with my shit, namely adopting the "victim" attitude until I decided that needed to go.  When I made that decision, it still took me 14 years to get where I am today with myself where I accept and embrace all my dark parts because it's in those dark parts where are greatest strengths and talents lie but first we have to change how we see those dark parts and get them so they are serving our Core Self and not working against it.  That takes dealing with whatever trauma we experienced.  It's a process and the process is different for everyone.

I've realized it's really changing the paradigm or how we think about things that creates the most change and heals us; having better connection with our self.  It takes courage to be radically honest with ourselves about what is working and what is not and CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSING to change things so that they are working for us AND for those around us.

My motto has been for a long time, "I am the change I wish to see".  It's been part of the "signature" on all my outgoing emails for a long time now.  I also strive for the win/win choice that is going to be the best for all concerned.  Most of the time it's just me but when I'm in a co-creative moment like when I'm going to spend time with my son, I do my best to include his choices into what we end up doing and when while still maintaining my role as "Mom" and making the best choices in that sense.  It's a difficult balance to keep sometimes.

The other "rule" I follow is the Golden One... I treat people the way I want to be treated.  I think that if we all made the commitment to follow that one rule that we'd all be a lot further along in our evolution.  If you follow just that one rule, everything else falls into place.  It's the one rule that follows the Law of Attraction:  You get back the energy you give out.  One catch here, I can hear people already; thinking that they would follow the rule so that nothing bad happens to them and I'm telling you, that's the wrong way to approach it.  That would be doing something out of fear and you'd end up creating a lot of negative karma for yourself.  Treating others the way you want to be treated has to be done from a space of love.  Because you love your neighbor as you love yourself and that's what keeps people from truly following this rule because they don't even love themselves much less their neighbor.

So how does one change that?  How does one truly Love themselves?  Well, for me, it took wanting a better relationship/connection with myself when I became aware of how my dysfunctional behaviors were not just affecting me, but the people I loved.  I decided I was done with making choices out of fear.  I started by listen to Abraham as channeled through Esther Hicks about the LOA because they would say the same thing different ways so that everyone would "get" what they were talking about.  She became very popular and I still listen to the vids she made of her workshops when I need reminders...

Then I was guided to go to Hawai'i for a bit and that was one of the hardest decisions and personal sacrifices I had to make.  It was about leaving mainstream living and all its aspects to devote the time to myself and facing my shit.  That meant leaving my then 7 year old son with his dysfunctional father and hoping for the best.  It ended up I was gone for 5.5 years but I came back a different person and my son noticed!  It made it all worth it!  This is just what I was guided to do for ME... I don't expect everyone to do something this drastic but it worked for me.

While in Hawai'i I went through what I first described as one of the WORST relationships I'd ever been through in terms of being drained emotionally and living with a narcissistic sociopathic person.  After pissing and moaning about him for a year to my bestie, I finally found a group that helped me find the pathways to healing most of the trauma I had been through, not just with him but from early on in my childhood.  I talk about this in previous posts called, "IFS, Vipasanna Meditation and Changes" and I think the one previous to that also. 

Now I look back on this relationship and see that it was the catalyst that was needed so that I would start to question myself and who I had been in that relationship and why it had not worked.  I am forever grateful for that relationship and for Aaron being who he is/was for me to start doing my own inner work.  But again, I had to shift how I saw him, myself and the whole situation to be able to come to a space of radical honesty and desire to change from being the "victim" to the "savior" of myself.  

You won't read about the details about my childhood and onward unless I decide to write a book about it because it's not about the details, it's what we do about what we've been through and how we handle it.  I don't believe in doing any more "intelligent bitching" or pissing and moaning about "problems" anymore because it keeps us stuck in the problem.  It doesn't offer any kind of solution and only adds negative energy to the problem... it's a vicious circle that can be hard to pull yourself out of.  I also don't give any energy to "regret" or resistance because it's futile.  Hence the quote I have from Buckminster Fuller, 
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” That applies to ourselves as well as the system we live by.

When are people going to wake up to that? Very soon I hope. We are well on our way for sure.

In conclusion, healing really is about becoming conscious of what is unconscious in us, being radically honest with ourselves, changing how we see ourselves and then wanting to change what is not working.  Don't worry about the "how".  The how will present itself if the desire to change is true.  You just have to be open to different possibilities.

I realize that this post started out as being about how people connect through sharing negative experiences and ended up being about myself once again.  I can't help but to share my own experience in how I changed myself to have better connection/relationship with my (lower, ego) self because just to share the negative would, again, not have offered a solution and that's what I'm about now as well as empowering people, by telling my story, to know they can do it themselves.  I can't just talk about my "stuff" anymore without telling you how I healed it.  So there ya go!  😉💖💋💪