Today was a day that I haven't experienced in a few months. I felt emotionally withdrawn, sad and confused as to what was going on with me.
I've been keeping track of what is going on with the lava flow on Big Island because I know a lot of people who have been displaced. I lived there over 5 years.
I saw some pics and video from FB that were posted by my girlfriend that another friend took when they went back into Leilani Estates to pick up stuff from the house.
I was shocked by what I saw. There is a tower of lava (cone) that rises about 80 feet above where the road is where the lava is still fountaining. (what they are calling fissure 8) There is also a river of lava that is said to be the fastest moving flow of lava ever seen! I saw it on video and it IS moving VERY fast! I was in awe, just awe at how the subdivision has changed. Everything is brown and dead except for this one patch of green that I saw. They had to drive over big cracks in the road on boards...
After talking with Ima a few minutes, I had to talk with my Mom. I've been avoiding talking with Ima because I know that I can't handle what she wants to talk about. Being an empath, I'm still very connected to the Island and the people I know there. I think that the impact of it all has finally "hit" me and I cried when I was telling my Mom about what I saw. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back there again...😢 Most of the cool, fun places I've gone to are gone forever; covered in lava.
That's not all of it. I'm going through this personal thing too. I've been single for a very long time and I'm starting to think about men from my past that could have been a possible relationship that I ignored or just didn't have the courage to step up to as well as a man I've met more recently.
Being single hasn't been an issue at all. I've been very happy being single; having no one to answer to but myself and I've only been lonely a few times over that last 8 years. Suddenly I have this "longing" for a man that has come out of nowhere! WTF is going on???!
I just sucks to feel this way and it's difficult to find anything to be grateful for... I have to laugh at the irony of that because I went to sleep last night thinking of what I was grateful for that day... lol (eyeroll!) I spent the whole day (almost) on the couch and watching netflix and eating comfort food. It's the worst I've eaten in months. I did go to the farmer's market and got some stuff and saw (one of) the guys that I was interested in before I even went to Hawai'i.
Sunday: As I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday, I was reminded of what Laura Walker said on the Oracle Report and Kaypacha said in his latest video for this week. Astrological events are affecting me. Uranus is conjunct the Chiron point. Uranus puts us where we need to be if we haven't gotten there on our own and Chiron is the wounded healer. A conjunction is a positive thing and it's when both planets are in proximity to each other in the sky from our point of view.
The one thing I have left to heal is my relationship with men and inside, the relationship I have with my own inner male. I have been aware of this for quite some time and it's the reason I haven't pursued a relationship. I have noticed that my inner male has made his "debut" as an outer personality. It's the reason I'm working as a mechanic on bikes and I have this brash, "don't fuck with me" attitude with people (inside my head). I've also become more athletic and taking more action. On the outside, I'm still kind and compassionate when I have to converse with people.
I think what I'm experiencing is this Chiron activation. Thank goodness I have the desire to heal my inner male and I've tried but this part of myself still distrusts me and I think maybe what will do it is getting into a relationship with a man I can trust. While I prefer to do the work on my own, sometimes that's not what we have planned out for ourselves.
I actually would love to get together with a man... I miss lots of things associated with relationship. Kissing, sex, cuddling, hanging out and just being together with someone.
I'm suddenly excited by the possibility that I meet someone new or have my desire for one I've already met rekindled. I can hardly wait to see what happens! 😍💕💋
I've been keeping track of what is going on with the lava flow on Big Island because I know a lot of people who have been displaced. I lived there over 5 years.
I saw some pics and video from FB that were posted by my girlfriend that another friend took when they went back into Leilani Estates to pick up stuff from the house.
I was shocked by what I saw. There is a tower of lava (cone) that rises about 80 feet above where the road is where the lava is still fountaining. (what they are calling fissure 8) There is also a river of lava that is said to be the fastest moving flow of lava ever seen! I saw it on video and it IS moving VERY fast! I was in awe, just awe at how the subdivision has changed. Everything is brown and dead except for this one patch of green that I saw. They had to drive over big cracks in the road on boards...
After talking with Ima a few minutes, I had to talk with my Mom. I've been avoiding talking with Ima because I know that I can't handle what she wants to talk about. Being an empath, I'm still very connected to the Island and the people I know there. I think that the impact of it all has finally "hit" me and I cried when I was telling my Mom about what I saw. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back there again...😢 Most of the cool, fun places I've gone to are gone forever; covered in lava.
That's not all of it. I'm going through this personal thing too. I've been single for a very long time and I'm starting to think about men from my past that could have been a possible relationship that I ignored or just didn't have the courage to step up to as well as a man I've met more recently.
Being single hasn't been an issue at all. I've been very happy being single; having no one to answer to but myself and I've only been lonely a few times over that last 8 years. Suddenly I have this "longing" for a man that has come out of nowhere! WTF is going on???!
I just sucks to feel this way and it's difficult to find anything to be grateful for... I have to laugh at the irony of that because I went to sleep last night thinking of what I was grateful for that day... lol (eyeroll!) I spent the whole day (almost) on the couch and watching netflix and eating comfort food. It's the worst I've eaten in months. I did go to the farmer's market and got some stuff and saw (one of) the guys that I was interested in before I even went to Hawai'i.
Sunday: As I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday, I was reminded of what Laura Walker said on the Oracle Report and Kaypacha said in his latest video for this week. Astrological events are affecting me. Uranus is conjunct the Chiron point. Uranus puts us where we need to be if we haven't gotten there on our own and Chiron is the wounded healer. A conjunction is a positive thing and it's when both planets are in proximity to each other in the sky from our point of view.
The one thing I have left to heal is my relationship with men and inside, the relationship I have with my own inner male. I have been aware of this for quite some time and it's the reason I haven't pursued a relationship. I have noticed that my inner male has made his "debut" as an outer personality. It's the reason I'm working as a mechanic on bikes and I have this brash, "don't fuck with me" attitude with people (inside my head). I've also become more athletic and taking more action. On the outside, I'm still kind and compassionate when I have to converse with people.
I think what I'm experiencing is this Chiron activation. Thank goodness I have the desire to heal my inner male and I've tried but this part of myself still distrusts me and I think maybe what will do it is getting into a relationship with a man I can trust. While I prefer to do the work on my own, sometimes that's not what we have planned out for ourselves.
I actually would love to get together with a man... I miss lots of things associated with relationship. Kissing, sex, cuddling, hanging out and just being together with someone.
I'm suddenly excited by the possibility that I meet someone new or have my desire for one I've already met rekindled. I can hardly wait to see what happens! 😍💕💋
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