Atlas 🐕💕 Transformation

May I pet your dog, I asked the short, bald guy.  "No", he said emphatically.  He told me later that he gets tired of people asking to pet his dog.  "What's his name?" I inquired.  "Atlas", he said.  "When I got him, his name was (I can't remember!) but every time I said it, it sounded like "Asshole" so I changed it to 'Atlas'."  "And what's your name?" I asked.  "Jeffrey, but everyone calls me JR".

JR got up to sing and left his pooch, a miniature pinser, on the seat next to where he was sitting.  I moved to sit where JR had been just to see if Atlas would come over and he DID.  When JR came back, he looked a little surprised.  He had told me that Atlas wasn't keen on everyone and had even ignored me at first.  Atlas had made himself comfortable on my lap and looked to his Daddy for approval.

JR and I became friends quickly.  He took me out dancing; taught me some couple's dance moves, took me to dinner one of my last nights in Ft. Myers and took me on a short kayak trip to a little beach for lunch and shell search.  I hung out with him a few times at the different bars that offered karoke.  It's so funny, "happy hour" starts at 3PM over there!  

By the time I left the island, Atlas and JR were my newest best friends.  I was surprised to find some of the little things we had in common. 

Mike had come back early Thursday morning and I got a "see you Saturday" text from him but that never happened.  It was one excuse after another... all very apropos and I can only be mad at myself for telling him it was OK to lie; explaining to him my perspective on deception, that we will use it to protect ourselves and that's OK.

When Sunday came around, I got it that I wasn't going to see him at all.  I spent all day Monday sulking in my apartment watching "Ancient Aliens" on the History channel.  

At the end of the day, I decided that I was going to make the most of my last 3 full days there as I was to leave very early Friday morning.  The next day, I rented the bike 3 more days, I figured out how to use my phone as a "hot spot" so that I could get internet in my room.  Just one of the few things that wasn't great about my room.

I loved it there!  I was steps away from the beach and walked it with my coffee every morning picking up shells and bits of trash that the beach patrol couldn't get.  I miss that the most.

While I was super disappointed that Mike would rather work than meet up with me, it was very clear to me that I was not on his priority list and that was OK.  After I spent all day Monday feeling lousy and exploring why I felt the way I did, I realized all the mis-takes I had made... going all the way back to when I first met Mike and also the mis-takes I made leading up to my trip.

It really felt like I had no other choice than to be for-giving love to Mike rather than hating on him.  I couldn't say it was all his "fault".  It takes to to tangle or tango.😉😆

I left without ever seeing him and while I could have stayed longer to have more fun, I felt surprisingly happy to arrive at DIA without that "let down" feeling I've had in the past after being on vacation and having to leave.

That's why the first post to this was titled "On top of the world" because that's what it felt like!  I just listened to the newest channeling from Blossom with a message from "White Cloud" and he was asking if we could feel the Love... coming from deep within.  That's exactly right!  The level of confidence I'm feeling has just deepened.  I KNOW I did some "work" and I got have fun too!  lmao  The "work" being closing the door to anything romantic with Mike and forgiving his choices that didn't include me.  

When I think about it, if I had been hanging out with Mike the whole time, I never would have met JR and Atlas or met all the cool people at the Tuckaway and on the beach.  I think we could have had a good time but it would have been very different than what I experienced and I'm really happy with what I created!

😇💪💖

On Top of the World! 💖😄

I just got back from a 10 day vacation to the Gulf side of Florida and I have to say... I'm pretty amazed at how I feel and the thoughts that have changed over the course of the last 6 weeks or so; I feel the need to share!😇

It started out by feeling a need to get away for a bit; feeling overwhelmed by the creations in my life.  I thought it would be great to have some beach time!  I decided the Hawai'i was out of the question because of expense and a desire to experience something different.  The West Coast was also out given all the C.O.V.I.D. BS going on so Florida was the obvious choice.  

I lived in Florida in the mid 70's as a kid on the Atlantic side around Boca Raton, Pompano Beach and West Palm Beach.  A funny from when I lived there was this was the time that the "Watergate" scandal was being discussed on the radio and we also lived in a trailer park named Watergate so it was confusing to me as to why (they) would be talking about our Park! 😂lmao

I kept thinking about my friend Mike, who is an "old flame" from back in my Air Force days so I asked him how far from the beach he was.  (Only a mile and a half) Then I asked him if he wanted me to come visit.  We've kept in touch over the years and he is the only person I know that lives over there.  He said it would OK to come visit and also be OK for me to sleep on his pullout couch in his living room.

I'm sure this is where it all started... I immediately fell into a trap that I had created a long time ago and was still there.  I was being given the chance to become aware of it, clean up a situation between us and close a door that I had forgotten was still open.

I'm amazed at the awareness I'm having of my old life with him and the details around it.  All the experience I've had and wisdom I've gleaned since then is creating a sharp contrast that makes it easy to analyze that whole experience and to gain a whole new perspective free of judgment, worry and fear.  All the learning about myself is helping me to see my old patterns and behaviors and also see his.

I'm going to share the breakdown I've done for this whole experience (still ongoing) in short bits and pieces to make it easier to read.  Tune in later for the next post!  Subscribing with your preferred email will be the easiest.  I never see your email and it will only alert you of a new post.😃💖

Evolution Revolution Love

This past weekend, I attended The Journey Intensive that was hosted by Skip Lackey. There is much to tell about The Journey that I haven't talked too much about here. 

I won't go into the whole process but basically I cleared some emotional baggage I've been carrying around with me for quite some time. The weekend was fabulous! Skip was funny and animated; his background in film and tv humorously coloring our weekend as he explained the process and other things related to our healing. 

I had had 2 processes already. My first one with Michelle who now works in the Journey office in Louisville and then one with a lady in California over the phone. Both issues that came up I had done previous work around so both processes I felt were subtle but I did feel shifts in my being related to the issues. I had more patience overall after the first and the second was relating to my last relationship(romantic). 

Before the process, I would imagine this man and he would always be angry and then after the process, he always has a smile on his face. This weekends processes were subtle also but the last couple of days I have wept on and off most of each day. 

I knew this might be part of it. It's residual 'crap' coming to the surface to be released. Knowing that however, has not made it any easier to go through. Monday I had to go to work but that actually helped. I was able to keep myself busy enough to keep my thoughts off of the stuff coming up and to enjoy the music being played in the store that day and the customers coming in that I helped. I actually had almost $400 in sales! We made our sales goal so I'll be getting some more Art Mart bucks woo hoo! Free Christmas $$ gotta love it! 

Anyway, yesterday my housemate barked at me and fortunately for me, knowing that this was coming from a deeper place and I was just the catalyst that triggered it, I was able to allow myself to feel the hurt I felt and then let it go and forgive him. That quick. It wasn't a great start to my day and I did my best not to dwell on it. I instead went downtown to Pearl St Mall where I love to go to people watch. 

I walked the loop I love that starts by the Dushanbe Teahouse and follows the creek to Eben G. Fine park, under Canyon blvd. and into Settlers Park. Then I follow Pearl St. all the way down the mall and back to the bus station. I had my nano with me and listened to Deva Premal's Essence repeating 'Tumahre Darshan' over and over as it is my favorite song on that cd. That happens to be what I'm listening to right now! 

So, to get back to the weekend...I didn't feel too bad after Saturdays process. In fact, I felt so good that I decided to go trick or treating with my son. He was so cute as Zorro even though he was missing the two things that made Zorro, Zorro; the mask and the sword! lolololol! He's my baby and I just love him so! 

Sunday, we did a physical journey which is different than the emotional process but just as powerful and effective. To back up a bit, for the last couple of weeks or so, I have been waking up with this pain deep in my heal. Going to see Dr. Laura(my chiro) has helped but it kept coming back. 

When I pressed into the middle of my heal, I would feel this pain very deep and I would feel it when I would walk. Sunday morning, I immediately noticed that it wasn't there. My body obviously knew what issue was going to be coming up that day. 

During lunch that day and before we did our physical process, I went for a walk when I was done eating. I knew I was in search of something and I thought it was food even though I had already eaten. I allowed myself to be drawn to where I needed to be and I ended up at the mall in Longmont. I found the food court and noticed a massage place. I went over to the display window that they had to look at the reflexology posters they had in the window and looked at the middle of the heal. 

The middle of the heal is where you access the sexual organs. I thought that was interesting and wondered what might be going on there since I stopped going to see any kind doctor quite a few years ago. I went back to the conference center where the Journey Intensive was being held. During my physical journey, I went to my uterus. I had no idea why I was there but I did see a part of it that didn't look so great. I then had a memory come up of my first sexual experience. The feeling associated with it was pain. I had to laugh because we are supposed to tell our partner what the memory was that was associated with the area of our body we were in. 

The funny part was that this man is and probably was then, gay. Obviously, to me, that was not why I was there. The trauma wasn't associated with him being gay but instead it was the physical pain of not being ready for intercourse that I was there to heal. I went through my process and let it go and I then understood why my short sojourn had taken me to the Longmont mall. Cool huh? I love hindsight. 

I like it even better when I can recognize what I need to see in the moment. I'm sure I have had issues attached to that first experience. I think that is the crap that is coming up for me because I sent an email to Lawrence yesterday that could have pushed him away from me but luckily didn't(phew)! 

If you read a previous blog, you will find out that he is a man that I definitely want to get to know. In one night opened his heart to me that allowed mine to open to him. We just enjoyed the space of Being, together. He honored me and touched a place deep inside me where I feel my connection to him. I have yet to dedicate a blog to him about that night and I'm not sure if I will. 

But anyway, my point is that with all my stuff coming up, I should have known better to send an email like that. It wasn't really bad, but it did show me to be somewhat insecure about when I would see him next. After I sent it, I received a prompt reply from him to tell me no worries, that he is just being pulled in a lot of different directions right now after being gone on a trip for 3 weeks to the Grand Canyon. I did feel better to get that and to know that he hadn't forgotten about me. I just need to exercise a bit more patience. A funny thing, I didn't say anything in my email about ultimatums, but he did and I can't help but think that he must feel our connection too because is did cross my mind as I was writing my email to him that if he didn't add me as a friend on facebook soon, I would just forget about him. You have to understand here...I got him for one night and then he left on a trip and I haven't seen him since although we both expressed the desire to see each other again. 

It's been 3 months tomorrow that I met him and I have waited quite patiently to see him again. He also mentioned something else in his email that was in answer to, again something I only thought, my wonder if I was being ignored because of something I do or don't do. I am amazed at this man! We definitely have a connection that I can see that he must feel too to have answered two unwritten thoughts that until now, I kept to myself. 

I am so grateful still to have met him and I know that when I come out of this funk that I will have evolved in this revolution to(of) Love. I hope you listen to the video I added here. This Revolution has just begun! 

I am so glad I have found the Journey! Regardless of any of the crap I have to go through to come out whole on the other side is worth going through the process! While I was helping my partner with his process, he told me a few times that he felt I was very good at doing this~he really connected with my voice. 

It is my desire to help anyone who is ready to dump some emotional garbage/baggage with doing some processes for some kind of trade. You only have to be ready to face your shit and let it go. And, there is no way anyone can get hurt from doing this. Anyone could get overwhelmed and bail out and it would be OK. This isn't therapy, it's better 'cause it actually works! That's all for now.