Backslide?

This is a continuation of the "Still on Top" post

I texted with Mike every few days and talked with him on the phone a few times over the next few weeks to discuss ideas of what we could do to have some fun and where to go.

Another thing I had not planned for was having to change my accommodations...

I got a call from Mike about a week before I was supposed to leave.  "You have to cancel your trip." he said, in a panic.  "Why?" I asked, perplexed.

I was about to get a "truth bomb" from him.  Apparently, he had left out some pertinent details regarding who's house he was living in and also that he had made a promise to a sibling that he would attend the court appearance of a niece on trial for murder.

The trial was going to start the day before I was to arrive in Florida.  I did not waste any time telling him that he needed to follow through on his promise and show up at the trial to support his family.

"I can be patient and wait to see you." I told him with confidence.  "It's important that you follow through with your promise."  He told me the sordid details of what had happened with his niece that caused her to mistake her boyfriend and daughter for "demons" that she killed them both.

Then he added, "I got a letter two days ago from (her) lawyer telling me I'm about to be evicted!"  I was a little confused to say the least.  "I don't want to be homeless!" he said desperately.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused.  "Do you remember me telling you I followed a woman down here about 4 years ago?" he asked quizzically? I suddenly remember the story he had told me a few years ago.  "Sure."  I said, feeling there was a bomb about to be dropped.  "Well, she owns the house I live in even though I pay all the bills."  "I told her that I was having an old friend from the AF come to visit.  She said, 'I hope I get to meet him,' and I said, 'he is a she and she's going to stay here.'  Well she flipped out over that, she got a crease between her eyes and two days later, I got the letter from her lawyer."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing!  "Why would you even tell her anything at all?" I asked, feeling betrayed and angry.  Why did he feel this loyalty to a woman he was telling me he wanted nothing to do with except to be her "friend"?  Clearly, she wasn't thinking like that.

I started to give him my unsolicited advice.  He was telling me "the story" of how he couldn't be homeless and all I could do was think about was how to solve his problem so that I wouldn't have to cancel my trip and still have a place to stay.

As I was asking him questions to get a better picture of what was going on, all he could talk about was what he feared.  "I'm not in a space where I can listen to your story, Mike." I said, somewhat irritated.  I was forgetting what I had learned about compassionate communication and was only focused on "the problem" and how his blunder was affecting me and what I wanted.

I could see this was turning into messy situation for Mike and I was getting caught up in the middle of it.  "I just don't want any drama!" Mike said determinedly. "Well, if she's going to play the game and get a lawyer, then you should too.  Especially, if you've given her all this money and she's never shared any of the profit she's made flipping that real estate."  

I still don't know if what he told me is really true, however, before he left for the trial happening in Georgia, he said he had talked with a lawyer and had made an appointment with him for the Friday after the trial.

I encouraged him to find something to be grateful for; knowing that this would be the fastest way for him to release his fears so that he could think logically and reasonably.  I also encouraged him to talk with her to find out what page they were on.  Clearly, they were NOT on the same page... and come to find out, neither were Mike and I...  

Still On Top 💪💖

This is the continuation of "On Top of the World" post

When I made my decision to get some beach time and see my friend Mike, I was aware of all the possibilities that existed; we may not "hit it off" or even like hanging out with each other or, the other extreme, we could get back together; and everything in between.  This realization came about because of the conversation I had with him that, we never really closed that door... neither one of us said that our relationship was over or that we didn't want to see the other ever again.  The last time I saw Mike was in July of 1987 when I had gone to Georgia to be with him after we had both separated from the AF and he was sending me back home on the bus.

It was interesting; all these memories came back to me of what it had been like to be with him and what his effect on me had been at that time.

I had also not realized at that time (I was 19!) until much later in life that I can quite often be a mirror for the ego of the other.  I can kind of "lose myself" in those moments.  I never really saw it until it was a big contrast between who I knew myself to be versus who I became in the presence of another.

I was very sexually attracted to Mike and I also realized that he had been mostly emotionally unavailable and I hadn't had THAT realization until making plans to go see him.

I allowed myself to fantasize a bit about what it would be like to see him again and although I had absolutely NO intention of getting back together with him (it has STILL been a VERY long time since I have had sexual relations with a Man), I was open to being spontaneous with how everything would unfold.  I was looking forward to having some fun traveling a bit (he had mentioned going to the Everglades) while still getting my time at the beach.  I even offered (genuinely) to help him with his lawn care business.

The only thing I didn't plan for was not seeing him at all.