I have this "friend" and I put friend in "" because even though I've known this person for 18 years, she has never made it into my "inner circle" of friends. Maybe on a spiritual level she could be but here, she is a source of frustration and annoyance! lol
Her behavior is what annoys me and recently, her ego has become VERY apparent in her assumptions of what she believes is going on inside MY head when I know she CAN'T know what is in my head unless she became a mindreader overnight and that she is just projecting what is unconscious in her own!
This post will serve as much as a vent for my frustrations as it will to pick apart my own thought process around (this person) and why she is in my life and how she is serving me through triggering my frustration and annoyance.
If I use the knowledge I have and look at myself and ask, what am I frustrated about, I get that I'm frustrated at how long my own process of illumination is taking and I'm annoyed at my own annoyance of Mary. (that's not her real name, but that's what I'll call her here) I don't want to be annoyed with her. I want to have compassion for her.
From where I sit and with all the work I've done on myself, I can see that she has little if any self awareness. She is not aware that her need to be "right" is an indication that she is coming from her ego.
Mary has had some spiritual experiences that may or may not have happened. If they did, it appears that her ego is trying to take responsibility for these experiences when it was her core self that had these experiences and her ego was only witness to them.
She was in a spiritual study group that is led by my employer and while I may not agree with everything that was discussed, she left the group after she got in a major disagreement with my employer over the material of the Spiritist Book that was being covered. Mary somehow seems to think that because she has had these experiences, that now she "knows it all" and is beyond any kind of teaching. EGO!!!
It is also possible that because she continues to deny MY experiential wisdom as if I know NOTHING, that she is making up her experiences as a way to "fit in" with the spiritual community that we live in. I don't know for sure, however, her "making me wrong" about what I KNOW to be true is an indicator that she could be lying; applying my findings of what comes out of our mouth is about US especially when we are talking about someone else. She is WRONG in her assumptions of what she thinks she knows.
Mary is also dyslexic. This outward manifestation is an inner indicator of just how backwards she sees things and this leads to her insistence that her view is the truth and everyones else's knowledge is false based on the so-called spiritual experiences she says she has had. This is how I interpret what is going on with her per my experience of her and her apparent disregard of what I DO KNOW from experience. (even after I tell her how I know!)
OK, so describing what I have gone through with Mary is the foundation for me questioning myself about why don't I have compassion for her. Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I haven't forgiven myself yet for my own ignorance and thinking I know the truth better than someone else. I have not yet found compassion for myself in this regard. I can honestly say that I still go through the latter, however, it comes from a place of experience and then the question comes up of: "Is my experience of things more valid than someone else's experience of the same thing?". I'd have to say no and that our interpretation of said experience is what is going to be different depending on where we are coming from; ego or core Self. If it's interpreted through the ego, there is a good chance that it will be misinterpreted completely and if ego is kept out of the way of the experience then the core Self will not have to interpret what happened but will KNOW without doubt what the experience was about. That is rare in my opinion and coming from my own experience in looking back at my interpretation of my own dreams and random things that have happened. It's only in hind sight that I clearly see what something was about. There have been rare moments where I knew in the moment what my experience was about.
Then there is the frustration... I am frustrated on many levels with different things. I'm frustrated with myself, other people, how long this ascension process is taking, how long it's taking "others" to "get it" and awaken. I'm frustrated with my friends and family and there is actually a little pain there as well at being thought of as "crazy" in my belief of "conspiracy theories" and how I choose to live and do things. I know in time, I will be vindicated! lol I won't say, "I told you so." to anyone but I will be thinking it! lmao Then people will realize that I wasn't so "crazy" after all. haha
Then there is the tiredness. I'm exhausted emotionally dealing with people. Not always; it's only when I let the negative expressions like frustration etc get their way and take hold that I get exhausted. I'm not always able to laugh at every situation especially when it affects me personally like having someone in my life like Mary... that is why, at the moment, she is my greatest teacher. When I am finally able to sit down with myself and look at myself with compassion and forgive what is there will she either disappear from my life or I will be able to see her with compassionate eyes and realize that it's her ignorance of spiritual study and her lack of self awareness that, in my opinion is her major stumbling block to a better understanding of her self and the absolute Truth of us as Spiritual Beings.
Her behavior is what annoys me and recently, her ego has become VERY apparent in her assumptions of what she believes is going on inside MY head when I know she CAN'T know what is in my head unless she became a mindreader overnight and that she is just projecting what is unconscious in her own!
This post will serve as much as a vent for my frustrations as it will to pick apart my own thought process around (this person) and why she is in my life and how she is serving me through triggering my frustration and annoyance.
If I use the knowledge I have and look at myself and ask, what am I frustrated about, I get that I'm frustrated at how long my own process of illumination is taking and I'm annoyed at my own annoyance of Mary. (that's not her real name, but that's what I'll call her here) I don't want to be annoyed with her. I want to have compassion for her.
From where I sit and with all the work I've done on myself, I can see that she has little if any self awareness. She is not aware that her need to be "right" is an indication that she is coming from her ego.
Mary has had some spiritual experiences that may or may not have happened. If they did, it appears that her ego is trying to take responsibility for these experiences when it was her core self that had these experiences and her ego was only witness to them.
She was in a spiritual study group that is led by my employer and while I may not agree with everything that was discussed, she left the group after she got in a major disagreement with my employer over the material of the Spiritist Book that was being covered. Mary somehow seems to think that because she has had these experiences, that now she "knows it all" and is beyond any kind of teaching. EGO!!!
It is also possible that because she continues to deny MY experiential wisdom as if I know NOTHING, that she is making up her experiences as a way to "fit in" with the spiritual community that we live in. I don't know for sure, however, her "making me wrong" about what I KNOW to be true is an indicator that she could be lying; applying my findings of what comes out of our mouth is about US especially when we are talking about someone else. She is WRONG in her assumptions of what she thinks she knows.
Mary is also dyslexic. This outward manifestation is an inner indicator of just how backwards she sees things and this leads to her insistence that her view is the truth and everyones else's knowledge is false based on the so-called spiritual experiences she says she has had. This is how I interpret what is going on with her per my experience of her and her apparent disregard of what I DO KNOW from experience. (even after I tell her how I know!)
OK, so describing what I have gone through with Mary is the foundation for me questioning myself about why don't I have compassion for her. Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that I haven't forgiven myself yet for my own ignorance and thinking I know the truth better than someone else. I have not yet found compassion for myself in this regard. I can honestly say that I still go through the latter, however, it comes from a place of experience and then the question comes up of: "Is my experience of things more valid than someone else's experience of the same thing?". I'd have to say no and that our interpretation of said experience is what is going to be different depending on where we are coming from; ego or core Self. If it's interpreted through the ego, there is a good chance that it will be misinterpreted completely and if ego is kept out of the way of the experience then the core Self will not have to interpret what happened but will KNOW without doubt what the experience was about. That is rare in my opinion and coming from my own experience in looking back at my interpretation of my own dreams and random things that have happened. It's only in hind sight that I clearly see what something was about. There have been rare moments where I knew in the moment what my experience was about.
Then there is the frustration... I am frustrated on many levels with different things. I'm frustrated with myself, other people, how long this ascension process is taking, how long it's taking "others" to "get it" and awaken. I'm frustrated with my friends and family and there is actually a little pain there as well at being thought of as "crazy" in my belief of "conspiracy theories" and how I choose to live and do things. I know in time, I will be vindicated! lol I won't say, "I told you so." to anyone but I will be thinking it! lmao Then people will realize that I wasn't so "crazy" after all. haha
Then there is the tiredness. I'm exhausted emotionally dealing with people. Not always; it's only when I let the negative expressions like frustration etc get their way and take hold that I get exhausted. I'm not always able to laugh at every situation especially when it affects me personally like having someone in my life like Mary... that is why, at the moment, she is my greatest teacher. When I am finally able to sit down with myself and look at myself with compassion and forgive what is there will she either disappear from my life or I will be able to see her with compassionate eyes and realize that it's her ignorance of spiritual study and her lack of self awareness that, in my opinion is her major stumbling block to a better understanding of her self and the absolute Truth of us as Spiritual Beings.
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